Yes, kids...in honor of today being Halloween, I'm giving out videos like candy! But just like candy corn, please don't gorge yourself on them. They may be irresistible at first but you'll pay for it later.
All three of these vids have one thing in common - they're all songs from movie soundtracks.
First up, we have "Dream Warriors" by Dokken. This is from 1987's A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. As far as the hard-rock bands of the '80s go, Dokken was always one of my faves. This song is definitely a weak spot in their catalog, in my opinion. I can't really blame them though. It must be hard to draw inspiration from a cheesy slasher flick. I'm not a fan of the Freddy movies. The only one I saw all the way through was the first one. The bastard killed Johnny Depp.
Enjoy this nice slab of cheese starring Patricia Arquette. If only someone had figured out in the first movie that the power of rock was all it took to kill Freddy, we wouldn't have had to endure 7 or 8 more of these crap-fests.
Next up is "Pet Sematary" by The Ramones from the 1989 movie of the same name. The book was fairly good, the movie wasn't. Who can believe a 4-year old kid wielding a scalpel? I can just imagine his mother offscreen provocatively shaking a Tupperware bowl of Cheerios, trying to bribe the kid into making his best "evil face." I don't know if the kid got his snack that day because it wasn't very convincing. But the bastard killed Herman Munster.
This has to be one of the peppiest songs I've ever heard about being buried and possibly coming back from the dead. Then again, The Ramones wrote one of the peppiest songs about wanting to be sedated, too. I guess Joey Ramone's dark glasses were actually rose-colored.
Finally, here is "Lost in the Shadows" by Lou Gramm". This is from 1987's vampire classic, The Lost Boys. Unlike the previous two movies mentioned, I love this one. It's been a little played out recently, especially with Bravo airing it seemingly every other day this month. Still, I always end up watching it. Who doesn't look back fondly on the era of the Coreys? Who gets tired of looking at Jason Patric? Who wouldn't want to be bitten by the hot, long-haired vampire played by Billy Wirth? My only problem with this movie is that he doesn't get nearly enough screen time. And then that bastard, the Haimster, killed him.
As for the song, I have no problem admitting that I like it. I've always thought Lou Gramm had one of those great voices just made for rock. The whole Lost Boys soundtrack is pretty good. The best tune has to be "Good Times" by INXS and Jimmy Barnes. I didn't post that here because it's way too much of a feel-good song, and I couldn't find the original video on YouTube, just some in-studio footage. Anyway...enjoy the curly-haired wonder.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Yes, kids...in honor of today being Halloween, I'm giving out videos like candy! But just like candy corn, please don't gorge yourself on them. They may be irresistible at first but you'll pay for it later.
Monday, October 30, 2006
What is up with TV this week? Every year around this time, I look forward to all the cool Halloween programming that helps put me in that spooky October mood. But it seems that, this year, the only network really getting in on the action is AMC with its "Monsterfest." Most of the programming I've seen elsewhere has been "family" movies, like the Scooby Doo flicks and those animated Tim Burton joints. (Am I allowed to use "joint" in reference to any director other than Spike Lee?) But of all the scary movies that have aired in the last few days, I have yet to see one Vincent Price film. Tsk tsk tsk.
There have been a lot of those crappy screaming-people-wearing-night-vision-goggles-in-supposedly-haunted-houses shows, like Most Haunted. VH1 has even slapped a version together, starring its go-to D-listers like Gary Busey, Hal Sparks, Tracy Bingham and others. Those shows don't count. They're not scary or interesting.
What I'm really disappointed in are the channels I can usually count on: Discovery, The History Channel, TLC and the Travel Channel. One of Discovery's best shows is A Haunting. It's Halloween week...why wouldn't they air a marathon or something? Tonight it's all hot rods and motorcycles. Tomorrow it's MegaBuilders and Dirty Jobs. Oooh scary. TLC and the Travel Channel usually always have great shows about haunted destinations or Halloween's history. This year, Travel Channel is doing Most Haunted Live, which promises to be pretty boring, and TLC is airing shows about midgets, cars and tattoos. The only channel I've gotten a drop of satisfaction from is The History Channel, which aired a pretty interesting history of vampires and the legend of Dracula last night.
What the hell is Halloween without Vincent Price or some good old fashioned ghost stories?? Hell, indeed. But not the way the devil intended.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Yesterday on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of faking or exaggerating the symptoms of Parkinson's Disease in order to garner sympathy and support for stem cell research.
Limbaugh defended his comments today and stands by them. When asked to comment, Limbaugh's good friend, Lucifer McDevil said, "Man, that guy is hilarious. I miss you, Rush! Come home soon. We'll party."
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
The creepy theme for October continues. Now, who didn't think I'd offer up some hair metal just in time for Halloween? Shame on you.
Appropriately enough, here is "Halloween" by Helloween. Actually scary or just frighteningly hilarious? You decide.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I'm sure everyone has heard about the latest rumors surrounding the divorce of Paul McCartney and that one-legged hag. Now look, I don't routinely pick on the handicapped, but as far as I'm concerned, this "Lady," Heather Mills, doesn't deserve to be treated with respect.
I'm a Beatles fan, but I wouldn't classify myself as the rabid type. I was born too late to really have been part of that phenomenon. Still, one's never too young to appreciate good music, and I've appreciated their work for as long as I can remember. Paul's probably always been my favorite. And while I certainly don't know the guy, I can't even begin to believe half of the garbage that his ex is piling up on the curb for the media to pick up.
First of all, when the two first started divorce proceedings, Paul publicly defended Mills against allegations that she was just a gold digger - allegations which came from everywhere, especially his own children. How does she repay this kindness? Oh, she accuses him of being a mentally manipulative, physically abusive control freak.
If Paul really were as controlling as Heather is making him out to be, why did he never make her sign a pre-nup when they got married? The guy is LOADED. It's not something that any "rich bastard" would overlook. He didn't want to deal with that because he didn't think it was romantic. Hey, accuse Sir Paul of being naive, but not of being an abusive husband.
Some of Heather's claims are that Paul spilled wine on her head, stabbed her in the arm with a broken wine glass, refused to let her have an operation on her leg because it conflicted with holiday plans, made her crawl up the stairs without her prosthetic leg, and forbade her to breast-feed their daughter. The latter is my personal favorite, because according to Mills he told her, "Those are my breasts...I don't want a mouthful of breast milk." Give me a break. I don't believe that for one minute. Not only does it sound completely ridiculous, but it's pretty disrespectful to accuse Paul of saying that, considering that his first wife, Linda, died of breast cancer. Somehow I can't see him putting a pair of tits on a pedestal like that. Oh, and speaking of Linda, Heather is now claiming that Paul beat her up too. Now I'm really wishing that someone would beat the hell out of Heather. Maybe a cage match between her and Stella McCartney?
I'm not looking at this case through the eyes of a Beatle fan, thinking that Paul McCartney is a brilliant musician and songwriter, and therefore can do no wrong. I don't look at celebrities through rose-colored glasses. They're just like everyone else, capable of all kinds of things. However, it's just my gut feeling that this broad is lying through her crooked, horsey teeth. Paul has always been a "good guy." I don't know anyone who thinks otherwise. Aside from that, the news that Heather has "video evidence" of the breakdown of their marriage is pretty suspect to me. Couples fight, shit happens. How many people videotape that stuff? No one normal. No one who isn't looking to gain something.
Now there have been reports of Heather's infidelity with her personal trainer, and comments from her first husband that she previously needed therapy for compulsive lying. Well, her trainer left his girlfriend and has been hanging out quite a bit with Heather and her kid, and she did claim that Paul is a psychotic freak so...I tend to believe these reports.
I hope Paul can get out of this whole mess as quickly and as painlessly (too late) as possible. Hopefully he'll get custody of his and Heather's daughter, and won't have to lose too much of his fortune. A fortune that she had nothing to do with, and wasn't even born yet when he started making it.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The "scary" theme continues this week with "Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)" by Concrete Blonde. As the title suggests, the song is about vampires and as you can guess, so is the video. It's also evidence of Johnette Napolitano's obsession with Anne Rice. She even looks like she could be Anne's long-lost sister.
I'm going out of the '80s for this one, but not too far. The album, Bloodletting was released in 1990. I own this one and Mexican Moon, and was a moderate fan of Concrete Blonde. I've always thought Napolitano had a great set of pipes, although she was a bit too goth for my taste. The band had some good songs though. The semi-hit from Bloodletting, "Joey," is one of my favorite '80s tunes. (I know I say that a lot about a lot of different songs, but I have a lot of favorites...what can I say.) However, I don't think a lot of their music holds up now. I was listening to this CD the other day and found some of the songs very dated and even a bit laughable. Still, this one is a pretty good Halloween stand-by to, uh, sink your teeth into. Enjoy.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:
Jeffrey, You're Sew Busted! - Those of you who watch Project Runway regularly already know that one of the final four designers, Laura Bennett, accused Jeffrey Sebelia of cheating last week. She just didn't think that he could've sewn all his garments on his own in the two months they all had to get ready. I don't know whose side I'm on here. Jeffrey is undeniably an ass, but some of his designs are kind of cool. Laura is pretty classy, but anyone who wears nothing but black, always pulls her hair back in a severe ponytail or bun and teeters around on high heels while pregnant is bound to have a few screws loose. I think if you can't prove something (especially in a "contest" situation like this), you should just keep your suspicions to yourself. It wouldn't surprise me if Jeffrey did cheat, but I'm also annoyed by the transparent way that PR producers are editing the show to make him look like he's constantly walking around with a guilty look on his face. Whatever, I want either Michael or Uli to win anyway so let the other two bicker with each other all they want.
CBGB Closes Its Doors. - After 33 years (wow, that place is as old as me?), the punk-rock icon is no more. Petitions to save the club were all over the place for the past year, but they did no good. I've heard from several people that the club really isn't the same place that it used to be back in the day, so maybe it's better to remember it as it was. It's kind of a bummer though that I never got to check it out.
Vaughniston Can't Make Up Its Collective Mind. - Jen and Vince annoyed the hell out of everyone for the longest time by coyly evading any questions about whether or not they were actually dating and refusing to confirm what everyone already knew was true. So now, rumors are swirling that the two broke up and all of a sudden Jen has to run to Oprah and swear that they're still together. Vince is even suing newspapers that printed a story that he had been unfaithful to Jen, complete with a photo of him kissing a mystery blonde. So, before, no one was allowed to know that they were together and it was no one's business, yadda yadda. Now, they want everyone to know they're a happy couple and are flipping out at the mere suggestion that they're not. Jen, Vince...I think I can safely say that most of us normal folk don't really give a shit one way or the other. Quit your bellyaching.
K-Fed Continues to Prove He's a Classy Fella. - It was only a matter of time before The Sperminator got involved with professional wrestling. (Seems the only thing left for K-Fed to do is show up on a "baby daddy" episode of The Maury Povich Show.) He showed up at a WWE match as the villain, got body slammed, blah blah blah. I can't even enjoy the fact that he got body slammed because I know it's all fake. Just like I couldn't enjoy him playing a guy named "Pig" on a recent episode of CSI, complete with pig-face and all. Sure, it's appropriate, but why do I have to look at this guy at all?? He's just wrong. He shouldn't exist, period.
Sienna Miller Inches Closer to a Beck-Eye Bitch-Slap. - This broad just needs to get the hell out of Dodge. First she insults Pittsburgh and then she makes a "don't you know who I am" scene at a local bar because she didn't have ID. Uh, yeah Sienna, the people at the bar knew who you were, stupid. You're the bitch who just trashed their town. If you're gonna leave your ID at home, you might want to at least adopt a pleasant attitude. Of course, she denies that she threw a tantrum, but I believe that about as much as I believe her earlier snotty remarks were "taken out of context."
Kidnapped and Forgotten. - Kidnapped is one of the first casualties of the Fall TV season. It's being banished to Saturday nights and the producers were told to wrap up the storyline, which means that it won't be back next season. I guess it didn't help that some glue-sniffing programming exec at NBC decided to put it on Wednesday nights against Project frickin' Runway. Anyway...I just want Jeremy Sisto to know that I was watching. Jeremy, if you need someone's bosom to rest your sad, beautifully-maned head on, I'm here for you. And I'm a 38 D.
Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington got into a bit of a scuffle on the set of Grey's Anatomy last week. It seems they had one of those little actor's tiffs that are pretty commonplace wherever there are famous boys with egos.
I know what you're all concerned about, and I'm happy to report that Patrick's hair was not harmed during the altercation. It's still as McThick, McWavy and perfectly McTousled as ever.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Rolling right along with this month's "creepy" theme, I give you Marilyn Martin's "Night Moves." Not to be confused with the Bob Seger song of the same name. If you somehow confused the two, put down the crack pipe.
Best known (or possibly only known) for her "Separate Lives" duet with Phil Collins, Marilyn enjoyed minor success with this video before fading into the '80s abyss. I don't remember hearing the song on the radio that often, but the vid got quite a bit of play on MTV - a concept piece that finds the Marilyn Monroe disciple taking on the role of a vampire. Well, maybe not. All signs point to her being a vampire, yet she walks down the street in broad daylight at the end. I don't care how much black she cloaked herself in or how huge her sunglasses were; if she's a vampire she has no business being in the sun. So, I think she is actually some type of black widow spider type of creature. Who knows. I remember thinking that this video and song were like, totally cool back then. I loved it so much that I frequently incorporated the song into my "bedroom mirror concert" set lists. That is actually scarier than the video.
Monday, October 09, 2006
I used to like Sienna Miller. In fact, I sympathized with her on this very blog after Jude Law's infidelity. Well, no more. Little Miss Priss is officially on my shit-list. Why? Well, you can take the girl out of Pittsburgh, but you can't take Pittsburgh out of the girl. And this Pittsburgh girl doesn't like spoiled little rich bitches dumping on her town.
While in the Steel Town filming her new movie, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, Sienna made some insulting comments about the city to Rolling Stone reporter, Jenny Eliscu. I'm sure one of the mysteries in the movie will be "where did all the single men go?" Now, see, I can make a joke like that. It's my city. I fully plan on going back someday in the not-too-distant future. I know it's flawed, but I still love it. You know how it's okay to talk trash about your own family, but if someone else does, you're ready to thrown down? Same principle. No snobby, self-centered, high-maintenance diva is going to slam my city when she doesn't know the first thing about it.
Now, of course, Sienna's jumped on the PR Spin Train. She's going with the old standby excuse that her remarks were taken "out of context." (Apparently, calling my city, "Shitsburgh" can actually be quite flattering in the right context. Who knew?) Miller apologized in a statement issued (read: written and created) by her publicist, saying she was referring to her boredom from being cooped up in her hotel room and not actually getting to explore the city. "What I have seen of it is beautiful. I came once before to visit The Andy Warhol Museum whilst researching a film and found both the city and its inhabitants warm and gracious," she said.
Hmm, that's what Jude said about your nanny too, dear. He found her quite warm and gracious. Whilst he was boffing her.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Here's a fun little time-waster I found online - The Dead Celebrity Soulmate Search. It's kind of like a Dating Game for necrophiliacs. Just enter some info about who you are and the kind of guy or gal you're looking for, and the generator will give you three bachelors or bachelorettes to choose from. My choices were:
Edgar Allen Poe - I love his work, but he's a bit too weird for me. When asked what he found sexy, his reply was, "madness." Odd. Plus, he has a mustache. Not a fan of the facial hair.
Rudolph Valentino - Well, he has an Irish Wolfhound, so that's a plus. Way too cheesy though.
Vincent Van Gogh - He's got the whole "starving artist" thing going for him, for sure. (Of course, if he came back to life today he wouldn't be starving anymore.) I wasn't sure I could deal with his moodiness, but his answer to the "what is sexy" question won me over - "The burning essence of living color all around us." Wow. Can't resist a guy who can talk like that! He has that crazy beard, but if he has no problem cutting off a piece of his ear, I'm sure I could talk him into shaving his face.
Obviously, I picked Vinnie Van. My pickup strategy was to send him an email complaining that no one understands my "vision." He loved that. However, my dating guide warned me that even though it's quite possible that my new soulmate and I could spend our days having sweet countryside picnics, we might very well spend our nights having heated bedroom fights, complete with flying glassware and china. Well, the guy's passionate. Can't fault him for that. And hey, I like to throw things too.
Have fun finding your own corpse bride or groom. Give the generator a whirl.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
October...and the trees are stripped bare of all they wear...what do I care...
Sorry U2 lovers, this week's video isn't one of theirs. I'm just in a very Autumnal mood. I'm thinking that all the weekly vids this month should be appropriate for October. And what's more appropriate than creepy and weird stuff, in honor of Halloween?
First up, a long lost video from my beloved Duran Duran. This is one that a lot of people may never have seen. Before YouTube, I only saw it once before, way back when I was about 13. Well, I shouldn't say I only saw it once...it was part of a video compilation that I had rented, so I'm sure I watched it as many times as I could before I had to take it back to the store. Why I never bought it is beyond me. I've seen the VHS tapes recently on Ebay, selling for ridiculous amounts of money. I guess they're collector's items now. I missed the boat on that one!
And what a perfect segue...here is "Nightboat" by Duran Duran. I remember thinking that this video was so amazingly cool when I was younger, but looking at it now it's a bit silly. And the song, well, it's okay but I can't believe Simon could do that "night bo-woh-WOH-t!" thing that many times without cracking up. I also can't believe I was so shocked when I grew up and found out that these guys were all on drugs. I think Simon may have been in an "I'm an extremely important artist" mode here, but whatever. He looked good. And Good Lord, look at John Taylor. Strangely enough, he was apparently the most coked out of all of the boys, yet he has aged the most gracefully. He just has strong, gorgeous genes I guess.
Monday, October 02, 2006
It is a dark day for my inner lesbian, people. MY cell phone provider, T-Mobile, has destroyed my dream of ever having Catherine Zeta-Jones pop up next to me some day when I'm having service problems or just need to "get more." (It could happen.) The big wigs announced that CZJ will no longer be the T-Mobile spokesperson.
It seems that there is a little thing called "celeb fatigue" when it comes to famous faces hocking products, which is why many companies are chucking their celeb spokespersons for Average Joes and Janes that we simple folk can relate to. True enough that when I see Jeremy Piven's ginormous head in every Gap window I walk by, I get a little annoyed. Then again, I've never been a fan of that awful store. But, who could ever get enough of CZJ? Even if you don't want to hear what she has to say, mute your TV. Just look at her. Who wouldn't switch phone service if she asked you to? Obviously not straight girls...hello. I don't even think gay men could resist.