A new blog-friend, Bloody Awful Poetry (BAP), tagged me with this. Now, those of you who've been reading The Pop Eye for a while probably assume that BAP is on my shit list, due to my meme aversion. Normally, that would be true, but when I found out that she wanted me to prattle on about hot musicians, well I just couldn't be mad. Where's Ryan Seacrest when I need him? THIS IS THE BEST MEME EVER!!
I was actually surprised by how hard it was for me to come up with 15. Once I got past my usual handful, I had to really do some thinking. You'll notice that a lot of the guys on my list might be past their "sexy prime," but hey, you never get over those guys you loved in your teens, right? And none of these 112 pound emo/post-punk dudes do it for me, so I've got slim pickings when it comes to modern music.
But enough about me. Let's get to the meat. (You might want to enlarge these pics for maximum enjoyment.)
1. Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam) - Well, duh. Nobody does it Vedder...makes me feel sad for the rest. He's always had that whole dangerous, sexy, brooding, intense, tortured artist thing going on, but he's a daddy now and he's letting more of his sweet, funny side show. Not everyone finds him attractive (like the blind, or those pigface aliens from The Twilight Zone), but I think he has that effortless, rugged, handsomeness that can't be hidden, no matter how hard he tries to ugly himself up. And that voice...well. Don't even get me started. It's so completely genuine and he's able to connect anyone who listens to him with whatever emotion he wants you to feel. That's powerful stuff.
2. John Taylor (Duran Duran) - I've always had a weakness for bass players, and I believe this is where that all started. You people who think I have it bad for Michael Johns...you don't even know what bad is. John Taylor was like, it for much of my young life. And, amazingly, after doing more coke than any other member of Duran Duran, he managed to hang on to his looks well into the new millennium. However, when I saw him not too long ago at the Concert for Diana, he looked like the Crypt Keeper. I don't know what the hell happened. Well, the Double D is touring again so I'm hoping to get tickets to one of the NYC shows and get a better look at my old flame. And if his looks are officially gone, well, we'll always have Rio.
(Note: I imposed a rule on myself to only allow one member per band, so Simon LeBon didn't make the list. But he was damn sexy, too. Don't go thinking otherwise.)
3. Billy Idol - I know he's kind of ridiculous, but I have to put him high up on my list. He is really the first guy (aside from a brief attraction to David Lee Roth) that I remember thinking was "sexy." You know, when you go from little teenybopper who thinks boys are cute to being like, "Whoa, what the hell is happening to my body right now. Are you there God? It's me, BeckEye!" Anyway, he was so hot back in the '80s. I know he looks a bit "weathered" these days, but I'd still hop on the back of his bike if he asked me. Or maybe we could steal a car and go to Las Vegaaaaas.
4. Michael Johns - You knew he would be on this list. Are you surprised that he's this high up? I'm sorry, he had to be. I can not stop looking at the guy. I keep watching his videos on YouTube, I keep looking up info about him online, I keep waiting outside his apartment in the bushes...it's crazy.
5. Chris Cornell (Soundgarden/Audioslave) - I have to admit to not liking Chris at first. When he had that massive mane of hair, I just thought he looked like Cousin It. I don't think I could ever see his face. Then, when Soundgarden came out with Superunknown, he cut his hair and holy good moly, I was stunned. And the boy can sing. He should do porn movie soundtracks because...my goodness. Come on, listen to the beginning of "Burden in my Hand" and tell me you wouldn't follow him into the desert. I'd be like, "Well, I lost my canteen and there's no water for miles but, oh, what the hell." (Side note: He looks very much like Nicky Katt in this picture. When he runs out of beer, he's gonna start kicking some ass.)
6. Michael Hutchence (INXS) - Even though I always had the biggest crush on INXS's drummer, Jon Farriss, he was almost too good looking. I always had a thought in the back of my head that he was probably a giant ass. I have to give the "sexy" edge to Michael. He was kind of soft spoken but very charismatic, with that unique voice and the slinky, snake-like moves. And what about those lips? What a sad day it was when this beautiful man left us.
7. Dierks Bentley - "Oh no," shriek the indie snobs. "A country artist! Ewwww!" Look, I don't care what kind of music you listen to. This guy would be hot in any genre. He's another one who upped his hotness factor after cutting his hair, although I have to say that I wouldn't be too upset if he went back to all those messy curls.
8. Jeff Buckley - Jeff was another amazing talent who left us too soon. God, what a voice. It was like Robert Plant, Freddie Mercury and the Vienna Boys Choir all thrown into an ultra hot blender. The first time I ever heard "Lover, You Should Have Come Over," I hadn't even seen a picture of Jeff. I didn't even know what he looked like and I wanted to have his children after hearing that song. Then I got a gander at him and thought that if I did ever have kids with him, they'd be at the sitter's a lot.
9. Jon Bon Jovi - It's strange that when Bon Jovi was in their heyday, and at the height of my fandom, I was always more of a Richie girl. Richie was awesome. But, as the years went by it became very clear who was the hottest of the two. Jon cut his hair and got about 50% better looking. Richie refused to even trim that horrible metal shag. Jon became a family man and a super DILF. Richie dated Cher. Then he cheated on Heather Locklear. Then he went to rehab. Then he drove drunk with his daughter in the car. All this while Jon's teeth seemed to keep getting bigger and whiter. You win, Jon Bon. You win.
10. Glenn Tilbrook (Squeeze/solo charmer) - Sure, he's 50 now but I really don't care. He's still adorable and so charming in that ultra-British way. (That's part of why he's not further up this list - I always found him more "cute" than "hot.") Plus, he can sing anything and make it sound like the most beautiful thing in the world. I'll always love that blonde floppy-front 'do that he wore in the late '80s, and the messy, curly locks that he often sported in the early days of Squeeze. Hey...did I ever tell you all about the time I met Glenn??? It bears repeating. Heh.
11. Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac/solo) - Lindsey was the only guy who ever effectively pulled off the white man 'fro. As much as I love Stevie Nicks, the first thought that pops into my head when I think of her or Fleetwood Mac is, "Why in the hell did that crazy, coked-up, white witch leave him?? For Mick Fleetwood, no less!"
12. Paul Rodgers (Free/Bad Company/Queen/solo) - Okay, this may seem like a strange one, because Paul isn't exactly one of the best looking guys around. But it's that voice. He is, hands down, THE best rock singer. Ever. EV-ER. And talk about someone who should be doing porno soundtracks...I mean, "Burnin' Sky?" That is the sexiest song I've ever heard in my life. And it's about a friggin' prison break! How is that sexy?? It's not. But Paul makes it sexy. I often fear that if I listen to too much Bad Company, he could actually impregnate me through sound waves.
13. Bruce Springsteen - Well, yeah. This guy is 100 years old and he's still got it. Okay, okay, so he's not 100. But, he's pushing 60 I think. And he still looks great. Anyone wondering how he stays in such great shape obviously hasn't been to one of his concerts. Bruce's energy is boundless. And his sex appeal comes from the fact that he's like an ordinary guy with a great, fun attitude and just amazing talent and passion dripping from every pore. Yeah, Bruce is still hot.
14. Ryan Adams - Um, I don't know why I'm attracted to Ryan Adams. It must be the disheveled hair, the "troubled, moody bad boy" reputation and his obvious shitload of issues. He's kind of like something made out of Bruce Springsteen's and Eddie Vedder's spare parts.
15. Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) - This one is even more perplexing. He's a redhead! I don't normally like redheads but there's something about him. He's got great arms. And he always kind of molests the microphone when he's singing.
So, there you have it, ladies...my Foxy 15. And, to the nice gents who actually made it all the way through this post, ha ha! I bet you're gay now, if you already weren't!
I don't usually keep these tags going, but I will be happy to keep this meme alive. There can never be too many posts about hot boys, right? So - Beth, Barbara B., Guv, Falwless and Red...get crack'a'lackin'!
Monday, March 31, 2008
A new blog-friend, Bloody Awful Poetry (BAP), tagged me with this. Now, those of you who've been reading The Pop Eye for a while probably assume that BAP is on my shit list, due to my meme aversion. Normally, that would be true, but when I found out that she wanted me to prattle on about hot musicians, well I just couldn't be mad. Where's Ryan Seacrest when I need him? THIS IS THE BEST MEME EVER!!
Bout #2: Battle of the Seth Rogen Flicks
Skyler's Dad recently posted a video of my favorite muppet, Rowlf, singing "It's A Wonderful World," which was super cute. I, however, loved Rowlf's edgy, quirky side which is on full display in this video for the song, "You and I and George." I can't wait for Jason Castro to cover this on American Idol.
"I bought one and George bought one. Where were you?" - Cracks me up every time.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Here is the MySpace page for Michael Johns' (then Mike Lee) old band, The Rising. Listen to any of the songs, specifically "Cradle" or "Statues," and just try to deny the Eddie Vedder-esque quality of his vocals. Sweet Lord, what is this man trying to do to me? I need to stop looking stuff up about him online. Next thing you know, I'll find out that John Travolta is his favorite actor. Then I'll just spontaneously combust.
Here's his other band, Film, who he skipped out on right after they got offered a deal with Maverick. I've heard different versions of the story - some which paint him as a dick and others which don't. (Well, he was like 22 at the time. Newsflash: All 22 year-old guys are dicks.) At any rate, I dig the song "Q." Can't say I love the artsy, mysterious title, but it's got a pretty melody. It's very "movie soundtrack," in a good way. And Michael doesn't sound like Eddie Vedder or Michael Hutchence here. He just sounds like someone who needs to leave his wife immediately.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
This song popped into my head one day last week for absolutely no reason. And since I can't think of the song without thinking of the stupid video, I figured I'd post it.
Here is Eddie Money with "Shakin'" from his 1983 album, No Control. The clip features a then-unknown Apollonia Kotero, who has pretty much returned to the land of the unknown. But hey, she had a nice run there in the mid-'80s as one of Prince's many protégés.
I think it's safe to say that, because of Eddie Money's ridiculous mugging and Apollonia's atrocious attempts at dancing, this is one of the queerest videos ever made. And I don't mean "queer" the way all the kids today do. I mean it in the old-timey sci-fi movie way. As in: Hey, what is that? Sayyyyy, that's awfully queer. What's going on? Is this some kind of gag or something?
Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are filming a movie together called Marley & Me. Some reports have hinted at a budding romance bewteen the stars.
I'm really hoping this isn't true. Look at them. Doesn't it creep anyone out that they look like brother and sister? Hmm, what if they really are? Maybe Jen's dad, John, is more like his Days of our Lives character, Victor Kiriakis, than we know! He's out there creating an evil empire of mediocre actors by siring illegitimate children all over the world.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Once again, I only predicted 2 out of the Bottom 3 correctly and was wrong about who went home. Last year, my predictions were pretty damn accurate. I don't know what's happening to me. My obsession with Michael Johns must be causing my brain to short-circuit.
The Bottom 3: Chikezie, Syesha and Jason
The Bootee: Chikezie
I'm not that upset to see Chikezie and his teeny tiny tic-tac teeth go, but he certainly wasn't the worst last night. I was sure that he was safe when Ryan called his name first. I can't believe that Ryan violated the First Rule of Results Night by sending the first one out to the Bottom 3. What happened to the first person always being safe??? God, every one of my AI theories and postulates is being destroyed!
Last week, I said that I wasn't going to pick Ramiele to be in the Bottom 3 anymore because she just keeps proving me wrong. Her performance this week was bad enough to change my mind though, so I foolishly predicted her to be voted off. And once again, she breezed right through to next week without even so much as a glance toward the hot seats. Who did this girl sell her soul to?
Some revelations from tonight's show:
As I mentioned in my previous post, the opening group number was abysmal as usual but, strangely enough, I didn't hate the Ford commercial this week. Maybe it's because it opened with Michael singing "I Want You To Want Me." Done. You don't have to ask twice, sweetness.
I grew to like Jason Castro a little more tonight because of his fidgety, very Danny Zuko-esque attitude while he was in the Bottom 3. I've reimagined the scene this way:
Ryan: So Jason, how do you feel?
Jason:You know how it is, baby. Rockin' and rollin' and what not.
Jason: That's my name, Ryan, don't wear it out.
Ryan: Jason, do you think you should be in the Bottom 3?
Jason: Oh, come on Seacrest, don't make me laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ryan: Well, Jason. You're safe.
Jason: *64-teeth smile* Well, that's cool, baby.
I really wish he would cut off those dreads.
I have to mention that Chikezie's mother kind of freaked me out during his final performance. She was standing in the audience doing this "gimme more, gimme more" dance. It's kind of the same thing I do when Michael is singing. That's not normal. Not for either one of us, but more so for her.
With Chikezie now gone, the chances of hearing more Whitney Houston songs has just decreased by 40%. So who will attempt her version of "I-Eeeeee-I Will Always Love You-Ooooooh-Oooooh-I" next week when Dolly Parton visits - Syesha or Carly? Or will David Cook uncover an unknown Anthrax version of the song to perform? And how happy is Kristy Lee that next week is country week? Who wants to bet that her next "clever" move will be to cover Darryl Worley's ode to 9/11, "Have You Forgotten?" She's never going away, people.
Answer: A horribly cheesy group sing of a horribly cheesy disco-era song, Maxine Nightingale's "Right Back Where We Started From," made all the more cheesy by the most awful choreography that you've ever seen. There's good cheese and there's bad cheese, and this is like ten year-old Limburger. And like a ten-year old Red Hot Chili Peppers video, they actually forced David Cook and Michael Johns to do that annoying jumping chest-bump thing. Oh, my poor darling Michael. It's like I'm watching his soul die in slow motion. Can't they just let him sing? Must they turn everyone into a puppet?
Well, come to think of it, a Michael Johns puppet might not be such a bad thing. Better yet, a life-sized blow up doll.
Results coming up.....after....the......break(s).
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
As I mentioned yesterday, tonight's theme on AI is "Songs From the Year You Were Born." I keep wishing that I could sing so that my old ass could get on this show and impress everyone with my stirring rendition of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown." Actually, I would probably pick either "Little Willy" or "D'Yer Mak'er." Or maybe I would show some true originality and combine them for something along the lines of Oh, oh oh oh oh oh, Little Willy won't go-ho ho ho ho home. I promise you all now that you haven't heard the last of me! I will make it to the "Best of the Worst" special next year!
Randy and Paula are both sick and hoarse tonight. Hmm. I wonder if they were making out like there's no tomorrow? I bet Paula has hickeys all over her arms, which is why she's wearing those weird leather "arm casts" with the little wrist tiaras. Where is Christian Siriano when I need him? I can't tell if that look is fierce or if it's a hot tranny mess.
Ramiele Malubay is up first and no one seems to notice that she's dressed like Eponine from Les Miserables. The little twit defies me immediately. Remember when I told her not to sing Heart's "Alone?" Yeah, well guess what she's singing. I mean, guess what she's screaming. Er, I mean, guess what she's screaming off-key. Luckily for everyone, the background singers are really drowning her out during the chorus. The judges all look at her as if she just bludgeoned the Wilson sisters right in front of them. Good for her. This is what she gets for disregarding my advice. Randy immediately brings up Carly's superior version of this song earlier in the season but, surprisingly, no one mentions how Carrie Underwood completely kicked that song's ass during her season. Simon doesn't have much to say. Paula tries to force everyone to take pity on Ramiele because she's supposedly sick too. Wow, THIS IS THE SICKEST TOP 10 EVER!!
Go Jason, go Castro, it's your birthday, it's your birthday! The dreadlocked wonder celebrates his b-day by singing that '80s party classic, "Fragile" by Sting. Uh huh. I like Jason because he has a nice voice, and I'll be damned if he doesn't look more and more like Barbarino every day, but this is just so dull. Why would he pick this song?? One alternate that I almost picked for him was Sting's "We'll Be Together," which would have been much more fun. Anything would have been more fun than this. It's not bad, but he's just like some dude playing guitar in the quad in between classes or something. Randy and Paula are appropriately lukewarm about the performance and offer up a few meaningless words. Simon, on the other hand, is actually helpful and tries to impress upon Jason the importance of taking this competition a little more seriously. When Ryan asks Jason if he's taking it seriously, he does that goofy goober smile that everyone loves and is like, "eeeeee...yeeeeeeeah?" Well, I can't fault him for that. This is American Idol, not SxSW.
Syesha Mercado is up next and out come the earplugs. This will be loud. I almost fall off my chair when she doesn't sing a Whitney song, but quickly regain my balance when I find out that she's doing the Stephanie Mills version of a Gladys Knight song, "If I Were Your Woman." Men, if Syesha was your woman you would surely be deaf by now. Look, this is all in key and she has a nice voice, but I could hear this same performance from about 200 other wannabe divas. She bores me. Randy and Paula give her way too much credit, while Simon gives her just about the right amount by letting her know she's the best so far but that "we're only three in." My thoughts exactly.
Chikezie forgets that he developed a personality over the last couple of weeks and trudges through Brenda Russell's "If Only For One Night." Oh, if only for one night, no one was allowed to sing these cookie-cutter ballads. That would be wonderful. Much like Syesha before him, Chikezie's vocals sound perfectly fine but he is putting everyone to sleep. The Dawg opens with a "What's going down," and you know what that means! He does not love it. Paula talks until it's Simon's turn, and he blasts Ka-cheezy's lack of originality.
Someone finally takes my advice! Brooke White picks one of my "alternate" song selections, The Police's "Every Breath You Take." She has a false start, starts again and it sounds really nice with just her and the piano. Then, in the middle, the band comes in and ruins everything. Randy and Simon both feel the same way. They think she would've been better off just keeping it simple. For some reason, all the judges talk about how wonderful she is for flubbing the beginning. Apparently, starting off on the wrong note and correcting yourself is super-professional and ultra-hip.
Let the drooling begin - it's Michael Johns. He's wearing a skull cap in his pre-performance video. Wow, that's so gosh-darn cute. His baby pictures are cute. He also looks like he has some cute brothers. I bask in the glow of all this cuteness until I find out that Michael is going against my advice and taking on Queen's "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions." I'm not mad at him though. He knows he can handle it. I was a little concerned that the judges would give him a hard time for doing this after he already did "Bohemian Rhapsody" during Hollywood week, but as he starts rocking it out I can see that no one is going to have anything bad to say about this performance. (No one who doesn't want me to kick their can all over the place, anyway.) Luckily, he gets away from "We Will Rock You" pretty quickly, because it's not really a good vocal showcase. His vocals during "We Are the Champions" are hot. I always warn these Idols against covering Freddie Mercury unless they're sure they can bring even half of Freddie's charisma, and this is a perfect example of someone who has it. All the judges acknowledge Michael's "it factor" and finally stop griping that he never picks the right songs. The crowd goes wild. The Earth moves. The sky comes tumbling down. My heart starts trembling. My ovaries explode.
Since the AI studio is already a powder keg giving off sparks, it's only fitting that Carly Smithson follows Michael's saucy display with Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Carly gets points for sort of listening to me too, as this was one of my alternate picks for her. (This also fulfills my weekly need for a dose of Jim Steinman drama.) Carly sounds great, as usual, but every now and then even the best singers fall apart, and she really jacks up the ending. She conjures up some weird note that I've never heard in my life and shrieks like she's swinging from a vine. That note is enough to sour Randy and Simon on the entire performance, but since Paula has no idea what notes are, she proclaims that Carly can do no wrong.
David Archuleta sings "You're The Voice," a song no one has ever heard by a songwriter no one knows. Way to go, kid! Actually, he sounds good and I'm glad he did something uptempo. Still, it's just kind of "eh" for me. This is one of those annoying "Life is great, so let's all love each other" message songs that makes me want to choke someone. Randy also doesn't like the song but praises David's "mad skillz," while Paula says something that sounds like, "zippity glorp glop." Meanwhile, Simon comes up with one of his best critiques in a while. Not content to stop at the "theme park" comparison, he tells David that this is like some "ghastly song" that you would perform with "animated creatures" dancing around. Heh heh. Yeah, Archuleta Enchanted.
Kristy Lee Cook proves that she's smarter than she looks by deciding to sing Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA." Is there a more hokey song? I think it might be slightly less hokey than the "Hokey Pokey," but not by much. You put your cowgirl boots in, you whip a patriotic song out, you put your blonde hair in barrettes and you shake it all about. You sing about our country to ensure you don't get thrown out. And that's what it's all about. Simon calls Kristy's song choice "clever," adding that it will definitely keep her in the competition for another week. No kidding. Dubya will probably declare war on Hollywood if she gets voted off this week.
Closing things out is David Cook, who's not my lover. He's just a guy who says that he is the one who will sing a Jacko song. Well, sort of. David chooses to sing the Chris (yum) Cornell version of "Billie Jean," a move that really irks me. He's becoming too one-dimensional and is turning into Daughtry: Part II. (Except that he actually gives the artists he covers proper credit.) He sounds good, as he always does, but it annoys me that the judges praise him so heavily for being "original" when there was nothing original about the performance! David didn't have to come up with a new "rock" arrangement for the song. Chris Cornell already did it for him. The more the judges blather on about how brave and brilliant David is, the more aggravated I get. It's not that brave or difficult to cover a cover. It is brave, however, to show your baby pictures on national TV, in which you look like that Batman villain, Egghead.
So, Bottom Three this week? It has to be Jason, Chikezie and Ramiele. Jason is too cute and likeable to go, so it's between Chikezie and Ramiele. Since Chikezie had two good weeks in a row before tonight, and Ramiele's just been kind of floundering, I think she will finally make her exit tomorrow night.
Whatever happens tomorrow night, could someone please make sure Michael finally gets around to singing "Kiss You All Over?" Cut out the damn medley and just let him sing.
Monday, March 24, 2008
A little birdie told me that this week's theme on American Idol is going to be "songs from the year you were born." No, not you, dear readers. That would get a little confusing. Each contestant has to choose a song from the year she or he was born. Thanks, AI producers, for making me feel really old!
I don't know if it's been specified that the finalists have to pick songs that were written or released in their respective years, or if they can pick any songs that charted in their year, regardless of when they were originally released. I'm assuming that it's the latter, especially since the selection criteria for '80s week wasn't exactly strict.
I'd like to offer up my song selections for each kid (and the one man) since a lot of them can't seem to remember further back than Y2K.
David Archuleta (1990)
1st Choice: "Crazy," Seal.
Alternates: "Here and Now," Luther Vandross; "I Don't Have the Heart," James Ingram. Chances are he'll go in an R&B direction anyway, so those two are probably his best bets. If he wants to be a bit daring, he could go for George Michael's "Freedom '90," or a metal ballad rather than the typical soul ballad. How about "More Than Words Can Say" by Alias? I haven't heard that one since I retired my tape deck.
Don't Touch: Well, 1990 was the year I graduated high school (Good Lord) and I remember that Tesla's "Love Song" was voted the most popular song by our class. I certainly don't think that would be a good choice for him. Neither would anything by Paula Abdul or Bell Biv DeVoe. Could you imagine little Davey bumpin' and grindin' to "Do Me?" Yikes.
Jason Castro (1987)
1st Choice: "Don't Mean Nothing," Richard Marx. I don't really know why, it just seems like it suits his voice well.
Alternates: Jason was the most difficult to pick for. I can't really pin down his style. But some of the tunes that I thought he might be able to handle are, "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House, Billy Idol's "Sweet Sixteen" or The Cure's "Just Like Heaven." Then there's always "Wishing Well" by Terence Trent D'Arby. They share the same hair, after all.
Don't Touch: Hmm, I don't know. Guns 'N Roses would be a bad idea.
Ramiele Malubay (1987)
1st Choice: "Open Your Heart," Madonna.
Alternates: Any song that shows off her range and "look how cute and petite I am" attitude. Certainly nothing with too much depth. For instance, "Only In My Dreams," Debbie Gibson; "Lost In Emotion," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam; "Catch Me (I'm Falling)," Pretty Poison; or "Could've Been" by Tiffany. That last one might backfire, since Carrie Underwood covered it well during her time on the show.
Don't Touch: "Alone" by Heart, again, because of the way Carrie (and recently, Carly) nailed it. And stay away from Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." Remember, it killed Asia'h!
Syesha Mercado (1987)
1st Choice: "So Emotional," Whitney Houston. There is about a 97% chance that she will pick a Whitney song anyway, so better this than rehashing the aforementioned "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."
Alternates: "Didn't We Almost Have It All," Whitney Houston; "I Live For Your Love," Natalie Cole; "Looking For A New Love," Jody Watley or "You Keep Me Hangin' On," Kim Wilde. Of course, she would do it the Supremes way.
Don't Touch: The same ones I told Ramiele to avoid.
1st Choice: "Lonely Ol' Night," John Cougar Mellencamp. Since he does so well when he brings the country vibe, this might be fun, and it's my fave JCM song.
Alternates: "Easy Lover," Phil Collins & Philip Bailey; "Jungle Love," The Time; "Would I Lie To You," The Eurythmics or "Dancing in the Streets," Mick Jagger & David Bowie. Again, he could cop out and pick that one so he could do the original Martha & The Vandellas version.
Don't Touch: Please no "Part-Time Lover." I like Stevie Wonder, but he needs to be slapped for dropping that steaming turd.
Kristy Lee Cook (1984)
1st Choice: "Mama He's Crazy," The Judds. She's better off sticking with real country instead of trying to fiddle-ize something else.
Alternates: "Pink Houses," John Cougar; "They Don't Know," Tracey Ullman or "I Want To Know What Love Is," Foreigner. Really, I'd love her to try John Parr's "Naughty Naughty" because I just want her gone, and that oughta do it.
Don't Touch: "Islands in the Stream." It's been done to death.
Carly Smithson (1983)
1st Choice: "Ain't Nobody," Chaka Khan and Rufus.
Alternates: "Goodbye to You," Scandal; "Total Eclipse of the Heart," Bonnie Tyler; "The Metro," Berlin or "Making Love Out of Nothing At All," Air Supply. The latter is one of my favorites, and Carly's voice is definitely big enough for it. Plus, who doesn't love Jim Steinman tunes? DRAMA!
Don't Touch: "Stand Back," Stevie Nicks. Never ever cover Stevie Nicks. Also, "Sunday Bloody Sunday" might be a bit ridiculous coming from the one Irish contestant.
Brooke White (1983)
1st Choice: "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)," The Eurythmics.
Alternates: "Every Breath You Take," The Police; "Time After Time," Cyndi Lauper; "Save It For Later," The English Beat or, another fave of mine, .38 Special's "If I'd Been the One." I won't hold my breath for that one, though.
Don't Touch: Uh, well, I wouldn't do "Love is a Battlefield" again! And the Stevie Nicks warning goes double for her.
David Cook (1982)
1st Choice: "Rock This Town," The Stray Cats. We know he can do the rock thing, so let's see some rockabilly!
Alternates: "My Kinda Lover," Billy Squier; "Don't Stop Believin'," Journey; "No One Like You," Scorpions or, for something completely different, The Jam's "Town Called Malice."
Don't Touch: "Pac-Man Fever?"
Michael Johns (1978)
1st Choice: "Kiss You All Over," Exile. You're probably thinking that this is a cheesy song, but it's really not. Go listen to it again. And over again. 'Til the night closes in. Anyway, who the hell wouldn't want to hear Michael singing these words? The only problem with this might be that his supreme sexiness could cause the AI cameras to explode, so we wouldn't actually get to see the whole show. They better save him for last, just in case.
Alternates: "Because The Night," Patti Smith; "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love and Understanding," Elvis Costello; "Roxanne," The Police or "You're In My Heart (The Final Acclaim)," Rod Stewart.
Don't Touch: After doing so well with "Bohemian Rhapsody," it would be a mistake to do another Queen song, especially if it's "We Will Rock You" and/or "We Are the Champions." Also, no Grease songs! (Of course, Michael and I will still do our version of "You're the One That I Want" in private.)
Whoa! "Kiss You All Over," eh? Is that a musical request or a general one? You naughty little Sheila, you.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I hope that lazy bunny finally got up off of his tail and delivered all of your goody baskets today. All I know is that if he doesn't bring me the chocolate Michael Johns that I ordered, he's gonna be hopping down the bunny trail with a severe limp.
**EDIT: Judging from the comments so far, I didn't make this post very clear. I am not working today. The bunny is working. The joke is that he only has to work once a year and he's still slacking off. But, as they say, if you have to explain a joke, it isn't funny. Oh well. I'll just go suck an egg now.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Since I'm all about a certain Aussie Idol these days, I thought it would be appropriate to post a video by INXS. Jim Morrison begat Michael Hutchence, who begat Michael Johns, who will begettin' it on with me hopefully some time in the near future.
"Don't Change" was the first single from INXS's 1982 breakout album, Shabooh Shoobah. By "breakout," I just mean that it was the record that put them on the American radar. Their breakthrough moment came about five years later with the monster success of Kick.
This song was always a favorite among INXS fans, and it was a staple of their live shows. (I was lucky enough to see them once, and I remember this as the kick-ass encore.) Still, a lot of casual listeners forget about much of the band's catalog pre-1987. Some memories can reach back to Kick's precursor, Listen Like Thieves, but generally it's only to remember the hit single, "What You Need." Those people are missing out on a lot of gems like this one, as well as "The One Thing," "Original Sin," "I Send a Message," and "This Time," my favorite from Listen Like Thieves that never seems to get any love!
This video is fun to watch because the boys all look like they're about 15. There are some nice shots of drummer Jon Farriss (and his pink socks), who I was completely in lust with for years. The clip also features Michael Hutchence with shorter hair than I ever remember seeing on him! I'm not going to go into a whole thing about how much I adored Michael because it will just make me sad. But I will say that J.D. Fortune is a complete ass monkey. He may be the band's new lead singer, but he'll never be a true "frontman" and he'll never replace Michael Hutchence. I wouldn't even accept Michael Johns as INXS's singer. Some people are just irreplaceable. I never faulted the rest of the band for wanting to continue on with their careers, but they shouldn't have continued on as INXS.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Hi, I'm Michael Johns and I love BeckEye thiiiis much!
(The alternate title for this post was "I'm Going Slightly Mad," since Michael's also a Queen fan. Oh, and because I'm clearly on the express train to Nutbag City Limits.)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
That's right baby, you smolder. Smolder.
Dear Judges, I'd like to extend my middle finger in your direction! All your complaints about Michael's performance this week did no good. America knows better. This man can sing. And even if he has a less than stellar night, who cares! Look at him. Who in their right mind would vote him off? What would be worth watching this season if he were gone?
Dearest Michael, I heard a rumor that you barely missed being in the Bottom 3 by a mere four votes. My four votes. I guess that means you owe me, eh mate? Now, you can joke that you "peaked" during Hollywood week, but I know there's a wild dingo inside you just dying to run free. And I'm peaking now, so I'd be happy to throw you a line. We can work it out.
Dear readers, I guess you want me to talk about what happened on the results show? Well, I was only really concerned for Michael. Once he was proclaimed safe, I didn't really care what happened. I wasn't even annoyed by the lackluster medley, the atrocious Ford commercial, or the guest performance by Kellie "Whut's A" Pickler. (Her song was enjoyable enough, but I still think someone needs to kick her in the ballzy or slap her in the face with a big ol' sal-mon.)
I guess I was a little bothered that, for the 2nd week in a row, I only correctly picked 2 of the Bottom 3 and was wrong about the ultimate cast-off. The Bottom 3 were Amanda, Kristy Lee and...Carly. Carly was something of a surprise, but I knew that she wasn't going anywhere. No, despite Vote for the Worst's best efforts, it was Amanda Overmyer who got the old heave-ho. American Idol is now Jamlessless. Ah well. I think she definitely deserved to go, but not before Kristy Lee, who squeaked by once again. So, even though my Bottom 3 picks have been a little off, it seems that my prediction that Kristy is the new Carmen Rasmusen is coming true.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Ryan opens this week's episode of AI by telling everyone that Beatles songs are back by "popular demand." Oh, do we get to vote on genres now? I think what he meant to say was, "After Kristy Lee butchered 'Eight Days a Week' so badly last week, every other artist in the world pulled their songs from our catalog, so we're gonna do some more Beatles until they come around."
This week, all Beatles tunes are allowed, so maybe George and Ringo can get some love. You just know if this was last year, Sanjaya would be all over "Octopus's Garden."
Amanda Overmyer kicks things off with "Back in the U.S.S.R," and she don't know how lucky she are to still be in this competition. So, she had a moment last week, but I'm bored with her again already. I don't hate her with the heat of a thousand suns, as I did at the beginning of the Top 24 when I dubbed her Jamless Joplin™. I'll admit that she might have a few jams up her sleeve. Not tonight though, because she's not wearing any sleeves. And that shirt is waaaay too tight. She needs to go back to the G.A.P. and buy a large. Anyway, Randy and Paula combine forces to come up with a generic critique while Simon calls Amanda "predictable." Then Amanda has a deluded glimpse of grandeur as she tells the judges that she picks songs that will make people want to buy a ticket to one of her shows. Simon, who I'm warming up to again, reminds Amanda that her "tickets aren't on sale yet." Ha. They may never be. I mean, really, do you think she could get through an entire show with that fake voice intact? I doubt it. I know I couldn't sit through it.
Wearing yet another awful outfit, Kristy Lee Cook rides her imaginary pony onstage to sing "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away." She hadn't heard this song until this week. Not even the Eddie Vedder version. Incredible. It actually starts out okay, but quickly deteriorates. Everything this girl touches turns to bland. Randy musters up some noises and Paula goes to her old standby, "Gee, you look pretty tonight." Simon compares Kristy to "musical wallpaper." What, like it's really hard to take down? Yeah, I'm afraid she will be too. She's the next Carmen Rasmusen, I tells ya!
Trying to put the one week when everyone didn't worship at his altar behind him, David Archuleta walks "The Long and Winding Road" back into ballad territory and the judges' good graces. Oh, let's face it. That road is pretty damn short, as far as he's concerned. Everyone loves David again, and Simon calls his performance "amazing." Okay. I am so sick of the adjective abuse on this show. Brilliant. Phenomenal. Amazing. What? John Lennon coming back from the dead to be the guest mentor this week would be amazing. Let's bring it down a notch, judges. David's performance is good. The kid's got some serious talent, but I think I'm just tired of him and his chapped lips.
What the...? Michael Johns is sitting at the edge of the stage waiting for his turn, and all the girls in the idiot pit are shrieking over David like Michael isn't even there. Are they all from the St. Archuleta Blind School for Girls or something? What is wrong with them??
Apparently, the commercial breaks weren't enough for Ryan, because he busts out an iPhone/iTunes/Coke ad in the 30 seconds before Michael hits the stage. Seacrest. Is there anything he can't sell?
Finally, it's Michael Johns up to bat. I was sure that he would sing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," but instead he opts for "A Day in the Life," one of his faves. Oh no. First, I am not a huge fan of this one. Second, all the tempo changes do not make for a song that's easy to edit down. Third, none of the tween voters have ever heard this song. This could be bad. But it's not. Michael is never bad. And I'm not just saying that for superficial reasons. It's not his best, but during the verses he sounds nice. And I'm very happy that he'd love to turn me on, but I've been on since the first time I saw his gorgeous mug. He really didn't have to do this song. He really shouldn't have. Unfortunately, all the judges agree and give him a hard time. After everyone takes a turn shitting on him, Seacrest asks Michael why he chose that song. He explains that it was a favorite of a friend of his who died recently, making all the judges look like jerks. I am actually worried about my man right now. I haven't voted since that one time in Season 2, when I voted for Kimberly Locke out of sheer annoyance with the whole Clay-Ruben debate. I may have to pick up my phone tonight. I can't lose my man candy! Especially not this close to Easter. If Michael goes, these recaps are going to get a lot meaner.
Brooke White opts for George's "Here Comes the Sun," and I say it's all right...except for the dancing. If that's dancing. Her repetoire consists of: a clumsy spin, a "whooo!" and much shoulder-jerking, torso-twisting and hand-flailing. Randy starts off with "What's going down," which, as I explained last year, is never a good thing. He calls the whole performance "awkward," Paula mumbles and Simon has finally met a Brooke performance that he doesn't like. I think that even though her "dancing" is ridiculous, her voice still sounds fine, so I was willing to give Brooke a good grade tonight...but now she's ruining everything with her incessant talking. The judges can barely get their critiques out as she jabbers away over them, "Oh it's okay, I know I'm a bad dancer, I wanted to sing 'Let it Be' again but they wouldn't let me, tee hee. I appreciate your opinion. Ain't I sweet? I have diarrhea of the mouth right now and maybe real diarrhea, that's why I was jerking around so much out there. I think Paula slipped something in my drink because I can't stop talking. I love the Beatles, I love you guys. Yay! I love being here but I know I wasn't too good tonight. Nothing could top my amazing performance last week. Look at my yellow dress! Guys! You really didn't like it? It wasn't that bad was it? Ok, ok, I know, I know, I respect what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, okay, hey fans, it's okay! Really! I am so happy to be here. I'll do better next week, I swear. Look at my curls! Look how well I accept criticism! It's easier to accept when you can't really hear it!!" Good Lord. Imagine all this while standing there making Debbie Downer faces. I still kind of like Brooke, so I'll give her another chance. But she better never dance again and learn to keep her mouth shut when she's not singing.
David Cook takes the stage for "Day Tripper," but opts for the Whitesnake version that I never knew (or cared to know) existed. I think he should've stuck with the original, which boasts one of my favorite opening guitar riffs of all time. Without Tawny Kitaen writhing around onstage, this take on the song just falls short of the mark. Then, somewhere in the middle of the song, David morphs into Peter Frampton and I completely lose my shit. He seriously breaks out the voice-box and is all like "Mwaaah mwah mwah...Dooo you feeeel like the day tripper dooo." (Okay, so he didn't really say that but it would've been grrrreat.) Despite that out of place guitar accessory, and how bothered I am that this song sounds so much dirtier "the Coverdale way," I still think this is a decent performance. David's kind of in the zone at this point, which Randy and Paula seem to agree with. Simon goes with his favorite phrase this season by telling David that it isn't as good as he thinks it is. It probably isn't, but it's better than Simon thinks it is.
By some wild coincidence, Carly Smithson sings "Blackbird" right after Ryan, Simon and Paula had a pointless conversation about the song. God, can I just say how much I hate the idiot pit?? I hate them all. Swaying their arms like mindless robots. I guarantee you that not one person in that pit has ever heard this song. They probably don't know any of these songs. And then there's all that "Whoo! Whooooo!" I wish a freaking blackbird would swoop down and peck all of their glazed-over eyes out. Anyway...on to Carly. She sounds lovely, as always. Of course, Simon has to disagree by calling this a bad, "indulgent" song choice. Carly gives some dumb speech about how she picked this song because it represents how all of the contestants have been beaten down by the music industry and now this show is giving them a place to spread their wings. Eeee-gads. I can't imagine I would've had a response to such crap, but Simon comes up with a good one: "You've made me uncomfortable because I think now that you're all broken birds." It makes about as much sense as what Carly said, but for some reason it's really tickling my funny bone.
Ooh la la, the dreadlocked Vinnie Barbarino, Jason Castro, struts out to sing "Michelle," a song that, until this week, he believed was about an actual bell. I suppose that only adds to his goofy charm. Well, I wish he was playing guitar right now, but he's doing okay I guess. It's not great, but he's sweet. The judges agree that he's sweet and charming, but still aren't crazy about the performance overall. All Randy does is inhale deeply and Paula compares Jason's take on the song to a polka. (Please, someone roll out the barrel for her. She's fading fast.) Simon tells Jason that he's lucky this is being televised because his face may save him. So, if some people have a face for radio, I guess Jason has a voice for TV?
Yesterday, Syesha Mercado was all crazy fly-aways. Now her hair's smoothed down around her face. Oh, I believe she's singing "Yesterday." Ahhh, Syesha. I don't know what to do with this girl. She sounds really good until the end when she starts hitting all those crazy high-pitched notes for no reason. She's trying to Mariah it up. So, guess who loves it? That's right, Mariah's BFF, The Dawg. Paula and Simon like Syesha too, but no one is "jumping out of their chairs." I'm actually most put off by Syesha's fake emoting near the end of the song. Maybe it's because I know that she's an actress, but I'm just not buying that she's really feeling this song that much. It's like her face is all sad, sad, sad, close to tears and then the song is over and she's grinning from ear to ear. Men, if you're tired of girls who fake it, like Syesha, don't vote for her. Might I suggest you vote for Michael instead?
"I've Just Seen a Face" with some Tic-Tac teeth! It's Chikezie and his low-hanging gums! Chikezie decides to play harmonica even though he doesn't know how. Hey, why not. He should just come out and say that he's scared to death of winning this show and ending up under the thumb of the Man (Clive Davis) so he's just gonna tank it. Actually, harmonica aside, I kind of like this performance. Chikezie goes back to that country/bluegrass thing that he, surprisingly, did so well last week. Randy and Paula kind of like it, but Simon is not impressed. It's too gimmicky and Achy-Breaky for him.
Before the last contestant sings, Ryan reminds us that the songwriting contest is on again. I'm so glad they're getting such mileage out of my idea. Bastards.
Ramiele Malubay picks "I Should Have Known Better," and gives a solid, cute performance. I think she has a really nice voice but I can't shake the feeling that she should be on that Pussycat Doll show instead. Regardless, this is one of the better performances I've seen from her. The judges aren't very receptive to her, which kind of confuses me. I guess she wasn't screaming enough for Randy's taste and she was wearing too many clothes for Simon's.
I'm voting. I can't believe it. I'm breaking a years-long streak and all of my principles, but it's worth it. Well, maybe. I only have the patience to call in about five times. I hope that's enough to save my juicy piece of Outback meat.
I refuse to even toy with the idea of Michael ending up in the Bottom 3, so I'm going to say that it will be Kristy Lee, Amanda and Syesha. I'm tired of going with Ramiele, because I keep predicting that she will leave and she continues to prove me wrong. I think Kristy Lee will be a Bottom 3 staple until the country finally comes to its senses and sends her back to the ranch. Amanda could be a victim of the first spot by not getting many votes from the short-attention-span tweeners. As for Syesha, she can certainly sing but she's not very memorable. I think Syesha will get a ticket to ride a plane home this week.
Moxie tagged me for another meme, despite my general loathing of these things. Boy, Moxie sure has a lot of uh...whattya call it...guts? Nerve? Pluck? Chutzpah? Something like that. Well, whatever. I'll play along. Sort of.
Here are the rules:
1. Post the rules before you give your answers. (I am! Calm down!)
2. List one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name.
3. At the end of your blog post, tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.
Well, my mother's maiden name is way too long, and I don't really want to give up my real middle name here. Therefore, even though BeckEye is one word, I will consider "Eye" my middle name for the purpose of this exercise.
E - I have a deep and abiding love for Eddie Vedder. He is only second to John Travolta on my must-have men list. His gorgeousness is really secondary to the real reason I love him - his talent and passion for music. His music (with God's favorite band, Pearl Jam) got me through a period in my life when I nearly gave up on music because I thought it was all going to that big, soulless mass-production factory in Hell. Until I discovered that all the good music was hiding on the Internetz (it still lives there but now everyone knows it), Pearl Jam was pretty much all I listened to for about a year and a half. As much as I love them, I never wanted to be "that fan." I need variety. I'm glad my faith was restored, but very thankful that Eddie was there for me until I came around.
Y - I'm a yinzer who drinks Yuengling. Y? Because I like it! Yay! (Actually, I can refrain from saying "yinz" now that I live in New York, but as soon as I go back to the 'Burgh, I'm right back there.)
E - I really have no idea where eye boogers come from or how to get rid of them. So, all of you people who are finding my blog by doing Google searches for things like "I have eye boogers all day long," "Why has God cursed me with these eye boogers," "They took away my driver's license because I have too many eye boogers," and "I'm going to kill myself if these eye boogers don't go away," I can't help you. I'm sure this post will only cause more of you crusty-eyed mofos to find my blog but for Pete's sake, if your eye boogers can't be easily wiped away, go see a doctor!
Now I'm supposed to tag 3 people. Hmm, I tag Michael Johns, Jason Castro and David Cook.