Thursday, March 05, 2009

American Idol 8: Wild Card Round

Well, I know I said last night that I would probably miss tonight's show because I already had plans and no DVR but, as is generally the case any time I try to make plans during the week, there was suddenly a big emergency at work and I got stuck there until 7:30. As the minutes ticked away, I thought there was a good chance that not only were my plans ruined, but that I might still miss Idol anyway. However, the planets aligned and I made it home in record time (a company car service may have been involved), so it's all good.

Well, it's not all good. But I'm watching. So, you all get a recap. Your lives are complete.

Jesse Langseth is up first, so I guess that means the judges really have no intention of picking her. She picks the funktastic Rufus song, "Tell Me Something Good," and, while she's no Chaka, I'm actually enjoying Jesse more than I ever have before. I've always felt like she was putting on a bluesy girl act, but she sounds genuinely bluesy tonight. Randy gives props for the song choice also, but only rates the performance "aight." Kara says there were some bad notes, but dubs Jesse's onstage persona as "Sasha Fierce." (I don't know about that. She's a little too skinny. Not Bootylicious enough. We'd be ready for her jelly.) Paula is impressed, either with Jesse's performance or with the sheer amount of meds in her own bloodstream right now, but Simon thinks Jesse was a bit self-indulgent tonight.

Next up is Matt Giraud with "Who's Loving You" by The Miracles. Even though Seacrest introduces this as a Jackson 5 song, I'm pretty sure that Smokey and the boys did this one first. But his target audience will be lucky if they know who the Jackson 5 are, so I guess we shouldn't confuse them completely. Matt apparently went on a shopping spree at Poseur's Wearhouse, because he's dressed like Justin Timberlake's fifth cousin. His vocals are much better than last time, but he annoyingly throws in several unnecessary runs and high notes. Kara agrees that it was a little over the top, but that he can "riff amazingly." And, even though I despise Kara, I have to tip my hat to her for at least understanding the difference between an adjective and an adverb. Has anyone else noticed how often the other judges say things like, "you sing amazing?" Well, Paula also uses the word "amazing" to describe Matt but, unfortunately for my illustrative purposes, does so properly. She also says that America is loving Giraud now. Simon thinks that it was a billion times better than last week, but pisses off the entire Soul Patrol by using a Taylor Hicks comparison as an insult...and the entire audience boos like it's the worst insult ever. Wow, they really treat Taylor like the red gray-headed stepchild, don't they?

Megan Corkrey says she's singing one of the "jamsiest songs around," "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree." This statement proves that Megan doesn't know, well, a lot of things. As for the vocal, all I can say is that Megan can sing better than I can. But she's definitely not a better dancer. Than anyone. Well, maybe better than Casey Carlson and this guy. But that's about it. I think even Elaine Benes would win in a dance-off against Megan. Paula thinks Megan is beautiful and applauds her for picking a song that fits her personality. Simon loves Megan, we all know this. I don't doubt that he is solely responsible for her being back, and will make damn sure that she goes to the Top 12. Simon and Randy, contradicting themselves for the 99,346th time on this singing competition, both say that the vocals weren't the best, but it doesn't matter. Kara says we need Megan, and hopes she stays. How ironic, being that we don't need Kara, and I hope she goes before Season 9.

I was really hoping that Von Smith would go the Adam Lambert route tonight and camp it up, but instead he plods along with Elton's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word." It's sad. So sad. It's a sad, sad situation. And the way his tongue curls up when he hits the glory notes is absurd. Poor Von. He really does have a good voice, but he keeps shooting himself in the foot with his boring gun. Simon agrees that Von is now Mayor McSerious of Dullsville, and Randy just wants to know where Von's hat is. Maybe that's where all the magic is? Just like in Frosty the Snowman. Paula has one of those freaky, lucid moments, and tells Von that he was too concerned about the technical aspects of the performance, which prevented his "true essence" from coming out. Kara thinks the song was very dark, so I'd love for one of the contestants to do some Satanic death metal this season. If Elton John scares her, Angelcorpse would probably instantly turn her hair white. (Click that link to groove to the soothing sounds of Angelcorpse's "The Fall of the Idol of Flesh." Perfect, right? I should really devote a separate blog post to these guys because their album titles are hilarious. They had me at their demo, Goats to Azazel.)

Whoooooo is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? OMG, she's, like, so commercial!! Yes, it's judges' pet, Jasmine Murray, shouting Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" through her nose. That's quite a talent. Randy tells Jasmine that the song was too big for her, but that she's improved 100% from last time. Kara and Paula say things to help justify the inevitable choice to put super-commercial Jasmine on a magic carpet ride to the Top 12. Simon calls the performance "pretty special" before engaging in a scripted fight with Paula. That tiff was so self-indulgent.

Ricky Braddy is back and singing Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." He still can sing circles around most of these jerks, but his performance skills just scream "lido deck." Kara, horny as usual, tells Ricky that he can sing his butt off while looking him up and down. Paula tells Ricky he "nailed it," and I swear I heard Kara say, "not yet." Simon thinks Ricky sounds good but looks clumsy, and Randy shows off the expression he just learned tonight, "self-indulgent."

Viva la Tatiana! My favorite Puerto Rican psycho princess, Tatiana Del Toro, makes her triumphant return to Idol, sporting a much thicker accent than anyone remembers. And how does she take advantage of her second chance on the AI stage? By singing the same Whitney Houston song she sang last time!! Oh, Tat, Tat, Tat. Doesn't she know that she's screwing herself? She still sounds good, which I know pisses the judges off, but it's just the worst move in the world to come out and do a song they've already heard when you're trying to really impress them. Paula complains about that very thing, but concedes that Tatiana has a good voice. Simon debates the repeated song issue with Tat for way too long before finally giving up on the notion of ever getting the last word. Randy says the song had its good and bad moments, and Kara is completely confused by Tatiana's personality. Nothing upsets Kara more than when contestants won't stay in their boxes.

Because she wouldn't be Tatiana otherwise, she gets down on her knees after the judges' critiques to beg for their approval. She gets up when Seacrest comes over, but then he tells her that she can stay down there. Then he remembers that he likes dudes and tells her to get back up.

Keeping us in reruns is Anoop Desai, who sings Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative," which he did during Hollywood Week. Anoop definitely is a likable guy, but I only find him an average singer. Well, maybe slightly above average, since I've placed Scott MacIntyre squarely in "average" range. The judges all love Anoop. Paula is like, "Hey, remember how I just told Tatiana I hate when people sing songs they've already done? I'm jus' keeeeeeeeding! I love it!" Simon basically admits that the point of the Wild Card round is to CAST the show with personalities, not just "boring singers." Obviously, Anoop will be going through. He was in the pimp spot, after all.

The judges now make their final decisions, and Ryan calls the contestants up to face the firing squad.

Jasmine - Simon claims that after "heavy deliberation," they've decided to put Jasmine through. I wonder if he thinks that "deliberation" means "deliberately choosing the most commercial looking person, whether she can sing or not?"

Ricky - Kara says, "Not enough personality, sweetie. Sorry." Oh, don't be sorry, Kara. Just explode into a ball of flame.

Megan and Tatiana are called up together, so we can all guess what's up. Megan gets the nod, which goes against what Simon said before about picking personalities instead of boring singers. Maybe he meant to say "spastic dancers" instead of "personalities." Whatever. Meggo tries to comfort Tatiana, who just stands there with her hands over her face, unable to really cry because she's probably already got a deal for her own show on Telemundo. I'll miss you, Tat, you bruja loca.

The only girl left is Jesse, so I guess this will be the first unevenly gendered Top 12. No way she's getting through.

Hey, wait. Ryan just barked at Anoop before that they were running out of time. So, why are they going to a commercial break?? It's past 9! You're running into The Office, Seacrust! How dare you try to divert my attention from NBC's Must-See lineup!

When they come back from the break, Ryan reminds us who just got put into the Top 12 because, apparently, we're all idiots. (In his defense, we are all watching this show. And I'm writing about it, so that must make me head simpleton.) Megan leans over to give Jasmine a high-five, but Jasmine just continues smiling vacantly at the audience, leaving Megan hanging. Wow, and Jasmine's not even blind.

Jesse - Simon tells her she didn't make it. OH, but...she nearly did. But she didn't. But almost. Nearly. But not.

Von - Nope.

Matt and Anoop are called together, and I immediately suspect that the judges are going to pull a fast one and pick them both. I know that Matt's in because Kara wants to bang him, and I know that Anoop's in because he's a big fan favorite. The judges tell Matt that he is the one going to the Top 12, and don't even wait very long before dropping the unsurprising bomb on Anoop that they've decided to make it a Top 13. I hope he's not superstitious like Ricky Braddy.

So, here are your Top 13:

  • Kris Allen
  • Megan Corkrey
  • Anoop Desai
  • Matt Giraud
  • Danny Gokey
  • Alexis Grace
  • Allison Iraheta
  • Adam Lambert
  • Scott MacIntyre
  • Jasmine Murray
  • Jorgay Nunez
  • Lil Rounds
  • Michael Sarver
Next week, the real deal starts. My early prediction is that Kris Allen or Michael Sarver will be the first to go.

Can I just say right now that a line from the first few minutes of The Office was more entertaining than anything I've seen in the last 3 nights of Idol? Michael, who just got done giving blood, says, "I was so nervous about this; I probably haven't eaten in 3 days," and promptly passes out. Oh, quality programming. How I've missed you.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksalot.


Ian said...

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thought Matt's performance had way too many runs. I didn't know that adding 10 notes to each syllable constituted "good singing."

Dale said...

If ever they should have pulled out the 'indulgent nonsense' bit, it should have been for Anoop (who I like very much).

Mike said...

Line of the night was when Tat assumed the position in front of Seacrust and the lightbulb went on with the crowd and Simon said " Watershed Moment Ryan!" I laughed a little too hard and my son wanted a explaination. "uhhhhh....I will get back to you on that meee boy!"

Falwless said...

Wait a sec, The Office was on after Idol for you? It was Hell's Kitchen here... and thank goodness I DVR that stupid ass show (really, it's terrible this season, why do I watch this crap?) or else I would have missed the last of Idol.

So, I was sorry to see both Jasmine and Megan get into the Top 13. Give. Me. A. Break. You hit it on the head when you said Jasmine shouted the song through her nose. I was so surprised when none of the judges pointed this out. And Megan might be quirky but she's quirky in a ridiculously annoying way. And the damn song was fucking terrible, c'mon. I don't know why but she totally gets under my skin.

I was so excited for Matt and Anoop. I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm just biased for cute boys. I thought Matt did a spectacular job. I didn't think it was indulgent, but, again, I think I'm partisan. And Anoop is just so likeable, I am so glad he's in as well.

Also, so much for crushing on Ricky Braddy. As soon as he came out in those skinny jeans my heart sank and I wanted to throw a large heavy object at him. I may have instead threw said object at my cat. He's limping a little today but he's okay, no worries.

cube said...

The fakery became just too obvious last night. The judges knew the winning wildcards and the rest were brought back as cannon fodder to boost the ratings.

One example: it's good for Anoup Jindal to repeat a song, but Tatiana gets grief for it?

I will come by here to read your recaps, but I'm through watching
this season. I have lint to pull off sweaters and papers to file chronologically... you know, more important stuff to do.

BTW it's bruja loca in proper Spanish.

Dave said...

I think some of the repitition was due to the fact that they had a short week to rehearse.

One of my pet peeves is when people try to do too much to the song (like Matt). I wish people would just sing the song.

Sunny said...

Wasn't knocked over by Matt. For one, dressing up like Justin Timberlake and it's not even Halloween?

BeckEye said...

Ian - Runs are never good. Ask anyone with chronic diarrhea.

Dale - That comment was so self-indulgent, Dale. But I like you. We need you in this comment section.

Mike - It was, indeed, a watershed moment. But I think the sexual innuendos on this show are all starting to blend together for me.

Fal - I fixed that paragraph to be more clear. No, The Office is on NBC, but I wanted to watch it and AI just would NOT end.

Cube - Who needs proper Spanish when you have Spanglish? We use our adjectives BEFORE the nouns in this country, miss!

Dave - Well, I can understand why they sometimes try to do too much. The judges are constantly giving them conflicting info. "Just sing the melody." "You didn't do anything original with that." "Why would you mess with a classic song like that?" "That was an imitation." "You're no (insert diva artist's name here)." "This is a singing competition." "Your vocals are horrible, but your personality is great! So, you're in!"

Sunny - Well, at least he didn't sing a JT song or that would've been TMTH.

Bond said...

I wanted Matt to turn around and say "Thanks Simon, in case you forgot Taylor WON THE WHOLE THING"...and yes you are correct...Taylor is their Gray-headed step-child and it really is wearing thin...

Tatiana made a fool of herself...I am so glad she is gone...THREE times she sang the song. At least Anoop did not repeat a song that the audience voted on...I really thought she might reach for Seacrest's zipper for a moment...

And then she kneels at the judge's table...I could almost see her backstage when Simon said, "We are going to make the Top 12, 13" and she yells "ME ME ME ME..what? noat me? waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...what if I do the whole production staff, you bring me back then?"

Sorry I could not help myself!

Anonymous said...

Tatiana singing the same song again made me like her a little bit. Maybe she really is just mentally handicapped? I'm pulling for her now. I'm pretending it's Special American Idol, as this season has been nothing but retarded.

red said...

That entire episode was a joke. Why didn't the judges just put through their favorites to begin with and save us all an hour of our lives?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Missed the show so I caught It on DVR and wouldn't you know didn't record the last finalist!!!

Ahhhh, I found out this morning in my newspaper that the tricky judges added an extra finalist.
I was glad it was both Matt and Anoop. I have to say, Anoop didn't impress me last night. I'm a huge fan, but I thought he had a much better voice than what he showed last night..
I guess we will see about that!

Metal Mark said...

So I guess that I am not missing much by just looking at DVDs and skipping regular television.

cube said...

Ahh, good. You've corrected the bad Spanish. Now the evil Puerto Rican gods of Santeria aren't going to come haunt your blog.

You're welcome ;-)

coffee said...

poor Tatiana, but it was inevitable that she would be cut anyway; I just hope there aren't any more "wildcards"

Anonymous said...

I'm still pissed off about Felicia.

words words words said...

Okay, wow. All the chickens representing how AI has jumped the shark came home to roost last night in this episode. And I just set a record for most tired cliches in one sentence.

First of all, after watching Anoop last night, I am flip-flopping on him. He was the best. By FAR. Way to go, Anoop.

Megan can't sing as well as the best people, and she's boring, too. So I can only conclude that for the judges, sleeve tattoo = interesting. I hope Felicia finds her and Jasmine in a dark alley.

I really hate myself for it, but I still want to do all kinds of bad things to Tatiana. I think I may need to talk to someone about it.

I'm starting to think Taylor's victory was to the AI universe what the JFK assassination was to the government. In both cases The Man decided it wasn't okay anymore for the people to decide what was best, so steps were taken to ensure a more Man-friendly outcome. WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, PEOPLE!

Dr Zibbs said...

The facial expressions of Von Smith sicken me.

Travis said...

Simon said he liked Megan because she was quirky and different. I guess he only likes certain quirky and different performers, thus the Taylor diss.

It did seem like the judges knew who they wanted to pick before the kids sang.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

People who rely on your AI recaps really should chip in to help you pay for the car service. Me, I'm just here to talk about The Office.

Jason said...

Did you notice Anoop's comment about it being a tough day for Chapel Hill? Something about "Eve"... I had to Google it. Eve Carson, 22-year-old UNC student body president, was murdered a year ago. Tragic story.

It was a great moment when Anoop mentioned it. He seems like a very nice guy.

pistols at dawn said...

Judging solely on which one I'd like to see naked, I like Tatiana the best. So, as a result of this, she must be crazy or have a substance abuse problem, because that's how I roll.

Gifted Typist said...

I'm so glad they brought Fatiana back again so we could see her drama-queen implosion again.

Coaster Punchman said...

Don't you kinda like Sarver? The resident galoot?

lulu said...

Is no one going to mention Jesse's freakishly skinny thighs? With beige boots? It was upsetting.

as an aside, if you like metal band titles, you would love 7000 Dying Rats. My favorite titles include

Gary Drug Abusey

Congressional Death Metal of Honor

Lair of Deadly Gigantic Scorpions


The Thought Bubble Above My Head is Filled with Golden Rotating Shotguns


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

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