Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What's Bothering Me Now?

It's always something, right?

Here are a few things...

Law & Order was filming again right outside my office building for a couple of days last week. And once again, no matter how much I lingered around, I didn't catch even the slightest glimpse of Jeremy Sisto. Do you think he's hiding from me? I hope he's not pissed that I dropped him from #3 to #8 on my sexy men list. I mean, #8 is still a highly desirable spot. That's nothing to be miffed about.

Rumor has it that my #6 man, Jason Segel, is getting busy with Chloë Sevigny. All I can say to that is, "Eww." Come on, Jason, you can do better than that! It wasn't that long ago that you were supposedly messing with that hot piece, Evan Rachel Wood. Sevigny just grosses me out. I'm sorry, but anyone who gives a real blowjob onscreen is a porn actress. And anyone who willingly puts her mouth anywhere near Vincent Gallo's genitals for any reason must be seriously deranged. Also, she looks like a grown-up version of one of those Village of the Damned kids. So, again, I say, "Eww."

I just found out that Lauren Conrad made $125,000 per episode when she was on The Hills. Should we just shut down all colleges and universities now and turn them into plastic surgery clinics? Clearly, being pretty with no discernible skills or personality is the way to make it in the world. And getting a degree takes a hell of a lot longer than waiting for the swelling in your face to go down.

14 comments:

red said...

Jason Segal must be so awesome in bed! Both of those girls are freaks (in the good, extra naughty in bed kind of way). Or so I'd imagine, anyway.

Penny said...

ha ha ha..amen on the Chloe bit.
She's creepy!!

Gifted Typist said...

glad to know you're as irritable as evah!

SkylersDad said...

I just clicked over and read the others Jason has been connected with. My theory is that he tucks it in his sock.

Suze said...

I'd chip in on 125K just to make those Hills freaks go away!

Billy said...

Chloe works well in Big Love, but I too get the Big Ickies from her. Evan Rachel Wood, on the other hand, might have some serious outcast-turned-popular-but-still-prolly-a-cutter adjustment issues, but good golly Miss Molly she's cute.

Speaking of Segal, I made my student advisees watch the pilot episode of Freaks & Geeks the other day, and they couldn't believe how many of the actors they recognized. That show was the Dazed & Confused of their generation and they don't even know it.

words...words...words... said...

Considering Jason Segel's big scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I guess it pays to advertise.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I knew I wasted all those student loans. What was I thinking?

Soda and Candy said...

Ugh, I do NOT care for Chloe "Drunkface" Sevigny. She is always touted as this big style setter and nearly always looks horrendo.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

You didn't try to get on as an extra on Law & Order? For shame!

Bond said...

Guess I need to go rent Brown bunny now...

Cormac Brown said...

I almost lost my s**t yesterday when I heard how much the cast of "The Hills" was making. I wouldn't give "Spiedi" $5 to wash my car. Then I decided my energy would be better spent cursing MTV and the sponsors for propagating that cue card moron-fest.

What was it that Roger Ebert said when Vincent Gallo called him "fat" in response to Ebert criticizing "The Brown Bunny?"

Oh yeah, "I maybe fat now, Mr. Gallo, but one day I might be skinny. You, however, will always be the director of 'The Brown Bunny.'"

P.S. Did you know that spiedi in Italian means skewers, as in kabobs?

red-handed said...

Poor Chloë. Poor Vincent. "One day I will be thin, but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny."

Seano said...

Hello Beckeye, Man you have a great blog! The snark and tight kung fu grip on pop culture and the ridiculousness of famewhores like L Conrad are right up my alley. Glad to have found you. Have you ever met ONE person who actually watches Law and Order? I have yet to.

Am now following you...have a great day, Seano

 

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