Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Are You in the Glee Club?

I realize that we're already four episodes into this season's most heavily hyped show, Glee (with #5 airing tonight), and I haven't weighed in on the subject at all. Well, I'm here to tell you all now that I'm a total Gleek.

Like most people, I watched the summer pilot and waited anxiously for the first season to begin. So far, I haven't been disappointed. The cast is full of wonderfully talented newcomers and the always hilarious Jane Lynch, and everything is just so delightfully corny.

If I've been disappointed in anything, it's a lot of fans' reactions to last week's episode. Seems that everyone thinks that the football team's late-game rendition of "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" was a little too over-the-top and ridiculous. To these people I ask, "What the hell show do you think you're watching?" Seriously, if you're a fan of Glee, you should already have a healthy appreciation for cheesetastic displays. Of course it was ridiculous. Of course it would never happen in real life! Most of the stuff that happens on this show falls in that realm, so I don't understand why a dancing football team was somehow suddenly "too much." Finn even mentioned the Bears' infamous "Super Bowl Shuffle" to remind everyone that sometimes real-life athletes do really stupid and embarrassing things.

Honestly, I laughed harder at that scene than any other so far this season. So, more of the ridonk, please. Bring it on!

What I could do without is the bizarre pregnancy storyline that's obviously heading right for "baby switch" territory. That's just a really lame plot that's been done to death on every soap opera since the beginning of time. I'd been hoping it would wrap up soon, but I just read that last week's show was the beginning of a five-episode story arc. Ugh.

I suppose the silver lining in that is Mark Salling's character, Puck (aka Hot Mohawk Guy - pictured above), has been thrown into that storyline as Quinn's real baby daddy. Oh yes. MUCH more of him, please. Write him into every scene. And there should definitely be more scenes of him doing his shirtless pool boy gig.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What's Bothering Me Now?

It's always something, right?

Here are a few things...

Law & Order was filming again right outside my office building for a couple of days last week. And once again, no matter how much I lingered around, I didn't catch even the slightest glimpse of Jeremy Sisto. Do you think he's hiding from me? I hope he's not pissed that I dropped him from #3 to #8 on my sexy men list. I mean, #8 is still a highly desirable spot. That's nothing to be miffed about.

Rumor has it that my #6 man, Jason Segel, is getting busy with Chloë Sevigny. All I can say to that is, "Eww." Come on, Jason, you can do better than that! It wasn't that long ago that you were supposedly messing with that hot piece, Evan Rachel Wood. Sevigny just grosses me out. I'm sorry, but anyone who gives a real blowjob onscreen is a porn actress. And anyone who willingly puts her mouth anywhere near Vincent Gallo's genitals for any reason must be seriously deranged. Also, she looks like a grown-up version of one of those Village of the Damned kids. So, again, I say, "Eww."

I just found out that Lauren Conrad made $125,000 per episode when she was on The Hills. Should we just shut down all colleges and universities now and turn them into plastic surgery clinics? Clearly, being pretty with no discernible skills or personality is the way to make it in the world. And getting a degree takes a hell of a lot longer than waiting for the swelling in your face to go down.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sonic Sunday: Feelin' Good Part II


The good musical vibes continue this week!

If you haven't already, don't forget to check out the songs from Part I. The mp3s will be gone by Tuesday.


1. "Bootylicious," Destiny's Child - You gotta do much better if you're gonna dance with me tonight/You gotta work your jelly if you're gonna dance with me tonight

People make fun of me all the time for loving this song, but I really don't care. They obviously just can't handle the jelly.

2. "Disco 2000," Pulp - I said let's all meet up in the year 2000/Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?/Be there at 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road/I never knew that you'd get married/I would be living down here on my own/On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago

I included this in a Sonic Sunday post from last year, but I figured I would re-post it for the benefit of my new readers and also because there is no way I could have left it off a "happy" mix. Even though the song's story is quite bittersweet, the fantastic beat and the "ooh-ooh-oohs" at the end make me feel like dancing for the rest of my life.

3. "Sweet Pea," Tommy Roe - Oh, Sweet Pea, come on and dance with me/Come on come on come on and dance with me/Oh, Sweet Pea, won't you be my girl?/Won't you won't you won't you be my girl?

My love of oldies was born way back when I was about 16 or 17 and started driving. I had to drive my Dad's station wagon, which only had AM radio. It was either talk radio or the oldies station, so oldies always won out. I remember this song as the first one that I really fell in love with, and the one that got me over my teenage disdain for music made before 1970. This is such a fun song, and those drums are killer!

4. "The Book I Write," Spoon - I wanna open this heart, it wants so much to play/But both of us stay on our guard in the same way/And I know, this is the book I write

This was the song that originally got me interested in Spoon. It's on the soundtrack to Stranger Than Fiction, and I came across it kind of randomly while looking up info on that movie online. I ended up not liking the movie all that much, but the song quickly became one of my favorites. It's just a wonderful 2 minute, 15 second blast of pop awesomeness.

5. "We're Going To Be Friends," White Stripes - Fall is here, hear the yell/Back to school, ring the bell/Brand new shoes, walking blues/Climb the fence, books and pens/I can tell that we are gonna be friends

This one is a great song for the beginning of fall, and it's an adorably sweet tune about that excitement of being a little kid, going back to school, and meeting a new friend - maybe even that first puppy love!


All of this great music can be purchased at Amazon:


Destiny's Child, '#1s'Pulp, 'Different Class'Tommy Roe, 'Greatest Hits'Official Soundtrack, 'Stranger Than Fiction'White Stripes, 'White Blood Cells'

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

I definitely had to post something '80s today, since my roommates and I are having an '80s party tonight. (Sorry I couldn't invite you all, but I'm sure you'll be there in spirit.) Anyway, The Blow Monkeys' "Digging Your Scene" randomly popped into my head today. It's one of those tunes I never liked back in the day but have since grown to appreciate. I think part of the reason that I didn't like it was because of this video. That Dr. Robert is one freaky looking dude.

Apparently, this song is about AIDS, which never would have registered with the 13-year-old me, but seems fairly obvious now when listening to the lyrics. So, on that happy note, enjoy the video and your weekend!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Project Runway 6: Episode 6

Last night on Project Runway, Queen Bitch Nicolas made the stunning admission that at least one cast member of every reality show is required to make: he is not there to make friends. Well, I should hope not. I never suspected that he thought that the best way to make friends was to trash everyone behind their backs while flipping his dirty mop hair around.

For this week's challenge, the remaining designers met Tim Gunn and a very familiar looking orange guy at a Hollywood soundstage. Mr. Orange was actually Collier Strong, whom we all know as the makeup artist from L'Oreal Paris. L'Oreal Paris, apparently tired of Garnier's scene-stealing ways, stepped all over everyone's toes and made itself the star of this episode...

Head over to Starpulse to read the full recap!

Sunny: The Gang Hits the Road



Hey gang, my recap of last night's episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is up on Starpulse* now. Click on Mac to go there now. Click on Mac! Click all over him!



*Remember kids, no registration needed to leave comments. Show me love.

Happy CZJ Day!



Just want to give a birthday shout-out to the agelessly scrumptrulescent Catherine Zeta-Jones. Still #1 on my lesbian list after all these years.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Mackenzie Phillips is Tired of People Not Knowing Who Mackenzie Phillips Is - As many D-list celebs do when they're not getting enough attention, former One Day at a Time star Mackenzie Phillips has written a tell-all book, which includes claims that she had an incestuous, half consensual/half non-consensual affair with Papa John Phillips. Of course now everyone is taking sides - incest victims are showing support, cynics are raising eyebrows, sister Chynna believes, and Mama Michelle ain't buying it. Since Papa John isn't alive to defend himself and Mackenzie isn't the most trustworthy person on the planet, who knows if we'll ever know the full truth. When Mackenzie appeared on TODAY this morning to promote the book and tell her crazy story, she admitted that she was totally high on her last appearance on TODAY but she wasn't this time. For realsies. You can take that to the bank, Meredith Viera! Which is where Mack will be, laughing and counting all the money that this scandal will net her.

Lily Allen Takes Her Ball and Goes Home - Brit singer Lily Allen (aka The Girl Who Ruined "Up the Junction" for No Good Reason) recently announced that she is quitting the music biz, following harsh criticism from visitors to her anti-piracy blog. Allen had set up the blog to bemoan the death of the music industry at the hands of file sharing scum, but forgot about mix tapes she had posted to LilyAllenMusic.com, which included the copyrighted works of other artists. She tried to explain it away by claiming that those tapes were posted years ago, before she understood "the workings of the music industry." After boat loads of commenters visited her blog to call her on her bullshit, she Twittered that she was shutting down the blog and never making another album. I can't say that I'll miss her. I mean, anyone who can't find inspiration while sitting in a room alone with Damon Albarn can't have too much to offer the world.

No Retirement Party Planned for the Boss - Bruce Springsteen turned 60 yesterday and even though he might feel like those years passed in the wink of a young girl's eye, his glory days are far from being over. Unlike a lot of "dinosaur rockers," Bruce has never been content to rest on his laurels. He's still putting out thoughtful, relevant music and putting on some of the most exciting live shows any music fan could ever hope to see - without the aid of pyrotechnic displays, giant blow-up dolls, or a giant claw.

EW Shirks Duty in Favor of More Diablo Cody Ass-Kissing - I really love Entertainment Weekly. I do. Aside from the supremely irritating "Shaw Report" and Scott Brown's always unfunny "Hit List," I can usually enjoy it from cover to cover. However, I can not get behind their constant pimping of new columnist Diablo Cody. First of all, as an aspiring writer myself, it really irks me that EW refuses to accept freelance submissions from the struggling throngs out there, but will freely offer up regular columns to people who are already famous, but not necessarily good writers, like Cody, Stephen King, and Kat Deeley. While King's columns are usually fine, as a novelist's should be, Deeley, who wrote a So You Think You Can Dance blog on EW.com, and Cody are mediocre at best. I can't stomach Cody's column, as it's just more of the same "OMG, please realize how hip I am!" bullshit that she spewed all over the big screen in Juno. Yet, EW loves her, apparently so much so that they've not bothered to review her new film, Jennifer's Body, to which other critics have not been kind. It's interesting to find only a brief mention of its poor box office numbers in the linked article - numbers that are explained away as the result of "the glut of horror movies in theaters" now. What a crock! That moviegoers would rather see Jennifer Aniston playing Jennifer Aniston in another tepid love story speaks volumes. We're all over Megan Fox and maybe the Diablo Cody Kool-Aid is finally starting to lose its flavor. I'm sure some of her minions will be here to tell me how unhip I am for not being hip to her hipness, but I was comforted to see plenty of soul brothers and sisters over in the EW.com comments section. I used to think I was alone in my Diabloathing.

All That Jazz (Hands) - The inner dork in me cheered out loud when I heard that Bring it On was being adapted for the Broadway stage...until I found out that it will be based on a completely new script, making it more likely to be like one of the lame straight-to-video sequels than the cheesily hilarious original.

And now let's end things on a positive note. Behold, the newest Internet sensation: Riverdance Dog!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

@*&^##*^!!

I'm blogging from work on the DL to let everyone know that my home computer is sick. It's seriously sociopathic and we're trying to work through its issues together. I don't know how long it will take to reach a breakthrough, but I may have to rip out its insides if it doesn't start respecting me. And if it refuses to hand over my personal files, I will beat it to death with a shovel. So, don't be surprised if, the next time you hear from me, I'm blogging from Bellevue.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sonic Sunday: Feelin' Good Part I

After bringing everyone down over the last two weeks with sad songs about lost love and lost summers, I've decided to switch gears. The next few editions of Sonic Sunday will be dedicated to songs that make me happy for one reason or another. These are the tunes that can always be relied on to pull me out of a funk or turn an already good mood into absolute elation.

So, turn those frowns upside down, and turn up your speakers! Time to get happy with this series' first five feel-good songs.

(I'm very happy with my fancy new music player, too!)

1. "Annie Get Your Gun," Squeeze - She's up over the moon/She whistles nonsense tunes/She wants drinks for everyone

I don't know what it is exactly about this song, but it is physically impossible for me to be sad when I hear it. I really don't know what it's about, but if I had to guess I would say it's about a girl who finds out she's not pregnant and goes out to celebrate. Of course, I could be way off on that. But it's not meant to be analyzed. It's meant to be belted out.

2. "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp," Led Zeppelin - As we walk down the country lanes, I'll be singing a song, hear me calling your name/Hear the wind within the trees, Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me

Not many Led Zeppelin songs are described as "cute," but this is one of the cutest songs ever. It's a love song written by Robert Plant...to his DOG! Isn't that adorable? All together now, "Awwwww!"

3. "Head Over Heels," The Go-Go's - I waited so long, so long to play this part/And just remembered that I'd forgotten about my heart

This has always been my favorite Go-Go's song because it's just so damn upbeat. Charlotte Caffey's piano solo is pure joy. And then there are the hand claps. Hand claps are the key to a truly happy song. (You'll notice there are a bunch of them in "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp.")

4. "Nth Degree," Morningwood - Oh oh here we go, turn up the radio/Come on everybody, to the nth degree

The lyrics to this song are completely inconsequential. You will find no deep meaning here, just a killer beat and lots of spelling fun! And what child among us can keep from giggling when spelling out "morning wood?"

5. "Rockit," Gorillaz - I'm walking to the something, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (collapse)/I'm drinking too much blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah (fall out)

Oddly enough, the lyrics to this song actually have more meaning than "Nth Degree," even though much of it literally consists of "blah blah blah." I haven't figured out what that meaning is yet, but I think it's either just Damon Albarn being Damon Albarn and making fun of empty pop music or maybe he just felt really "blah" when he wrote this and thought it wasn't necessary to change the lyrics. The song always cracks me up, and it must have that same effect on Damon, as you can hear him laugh in the middle of the first verse.

All of this great music can be purchased at Amazon:


Squeeze, 'Singles 45s and Under'Led Zeppelin, 'Led Zeppelin III'The Go-Go's, 'Return to the Valley of The Go-Go's'Morningwood, 'Morningwood'Gorillaz,'D-Sides'

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Forever Our Girl

Did anyone watch Thursday night's VH1 Divas concert? I missed it (on purpose), mainly because I think VH1 is being a little too loose with the definition of "diva." Seriously, Miley Cyrus kind of negates the whole thing.

Anyway, I kind of wish I had seen it now because, evidently, host Paula Abdul was in top form. And by "top form" I mean "insane." Just the way we like her.

I can't find all the videos on YouTube, and I can't seem to embed the ones that are available, so go read the quick synopsis and see all the vids at Starpulse. (No, I didn't write this.) The first and last clips are the best - in the former, Paula imitates her AI replacement, Ellen DeGeneres, and in the last she almost twirls her drunk ass right off the stage during "Straight Up." Also, P-Ab calls Kathy Griffin a firecrotch in one segment. (That may very well be, but she's still never won my Firecrotch award.)

Unfortunately, all the vids have ads attached, but they're pretty short. And maybe you'll be lucky and get the Pearl Jam Target commercial! Speaking of, I have the new record and listened to it about three times so far. I will be posting a review soon. All I will say right now is that I'm not disappointed. Anyone surprised? Didn't think so.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Project Runway 6: Episode 5

Last night on Project Runway...

It was time for Everybody Hates Johnny! After Tim told Johnny that his dress was awful, he ripped it apart and started something new and even worse. But, apparently forgetting that all of this was being filmed, Johnny made up a lie about how he tried steaming his dress...
Suddenly, Johnny's big fib was all anyone could talk about. Just not to his face.

At the end of the day, the designers went back to their suites, where Ra'Mon and Logan got to hear Chapters II - XVII of Johnny's fictional steamer saga, while the other designers talked about him some more behind his back. Now, there is really no reason for me to even discuss this part of the show except that I couldn't NOT mention that, during this time, Logan was sprawled out on his bed, propped up on his elbows, offering up a great view of his tight, muscular arms. At some point, I lost all track of what Johnny was blathering on about and I began to mentally write Chapters I and II of my own steamy fictional saga. Yes…take that goofy hat off of Logan and he would fit right in on the cover of a Fabio-style bodice ripper.

Head over to Starpulse to read the full recap!

It's Always Sunny on My Blog

Hey gang, I'm going to be recapping Season 5 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for Starpulse. This is my first time recapping a scripted program, which is not quite as simple as just making fun of a bunch of reality show idiots. I'm still trying to figure out the best format. So, check out my first write-up and let me know what you think. And guess what? Starpulse now allows comments from non-members, so now you have no excuse for not leaving me comment love over there! No excuse that I'm willing to accept, anyway.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

This week, I'm bringing you Ultravox, one of the first New Romantic bands, and one that wasn't very well known here in the States. The reason I know who they are is because I was always obsessed with British bands (and pretty much everything to do with England), and I kept tabs on all the musical goings on over there in the '80s via Star Hits magazine, the imported version of Smash Hits. (Kind of bizarre that they would've changed the name for American consumption...there isn't much of a difference, is there?)

Lead singer Midge Ure is forgotten in his own way - as Bob Geldof's partner in organizing Band Aid and penning the hit single "Do They Know It's Christmas." He's probably the guy in that video whom most of you see and go, "Hey, who's Mr. Ponytail?" Well, that's Midge Ure.

Here is one of Ultravox's biggest hits, "Vienna," from their 1980 album of the same name.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Patrick Swayze 1952 - 2009

All right. Someone needs to stop this pop cultural Grim Reaper. He's being a real asshole this year. And now he's taken Johnny Castle.

I suppose since Patrick Swayze was battling pancreatic cancer, his death shouldn't be that much of a shock. Nor should it be that tragic, since it means that he's not suffering anymore. But, for me, it's a little bit of both, because it's just one more piece of my childhood/young adulthood that's gone. And even though I'll still always have the images Patrick left on the screen - the secretly sensitive greaser Darry in The Outsiders, the leader of the Wolverines in Red Dawn, the protective spirit in Ghost, and the hottest dance instructor to ever grace the Catskills in Dirty Dancing - now I'll feel a certain sadness when watching them. But I'll still keep watching them.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Requisite Kanye West Post

Pursuant to Section 3, Paragraph G of the Pop Culture Bloggers' Association rule book, I am bound to post something regarding any meltdown, outburst, shocking display, or other type of controversial act that occurs at MTV's VMAs. So, yay for them and their unruly child, Kanye. More publicity.

Now, I didn't watch the VMAs because I'm neither under 25 nor am I a masochist. However, I did get to read all about the Kanye/Taylor Swift/Beyoncé hoopla and see the videos (which seem to have disappeared from YouTube) after the show ended.

I'm sure everyone knows what happened, but just in case, here's the PS version. Taylor Swift won the Best Female Video, Kanye interrupted her acceptance speech and yelled into the microphone that Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all-time. People booed. Swift just stood there. Later, Beyoncé won Best Video of the Year and invited Swift back up onstage to "have her moment." Kanye half-assedly apologized on his MUTHA-EFFIN GENIUS BLOG, took the apology down, and then put another one up.

Now, it's not hard to believe that a d-bag like Kanye West would pull such a d-bag move, but I can't help but feel that at least part of this incident was staged to generate buzz. Perhaps I'm so jaded at this point that I assume everything that happens on MTV is 90% scripted, like The Real World or The Hills. It's become like a game to try to hunt for the specks of truth in the giant pile of bullshit.

These are, in my opinion, the specks of truth from last night's shit storm:

  • Kanye is an asshole
  • Kanye likes to make a spectacle of himself
  • Kanye was drunk
  • Taylor Swift had no idea what was happening
Everything else was probably fairly choreographed. I don't know if it was all MTV's idea, or if attention whore Kanye pitched the idea to them, but I just can't believe that it was all spontaneous. I mean, how does Gay Fish get on stage? Seriously. Don't they have tight security at a show like that? And wouldn't they want to be especially vigilant about letting a known asshole just wander up there when someone else is in the middle of an acceptance speech? Then, when he got onstage, why didn't they just kill the mic? He was allowed to blather on until he was finished, and then they killed the mic after it was given back to Swift, so all she was able to do was stand there looking stupid and sad.

As far as Beyoncé's save, I'm sure that she's a nice person, but I wonder if it was really her idea to bring Swift back out. (It's just like at the Oscars a couple of years ago, when everyone applauded Jon Stewart as the nice guy for letting Marketa Irglova come back onstage to finish her speech after she'd been cut off, but it turned out that it was actually the director's call.) I just find it all too convenient...Swift had just finished performing and was already backstage when the Best Video of the Year was awarded to Beyoncé. And isn't it strange to begin with that Beyoncé would have won Best Video overall but somehow lost Best Female Video to Swift?

Well, whatever the case may be - real outburst or scripted controversy generator - Lady Gaga must be pissed. She was sure that her performance would be the most talked-about event at the VMAs and stupid Kanye went and ruined it all. What does she have to do next time, cut off a limb?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sonic Sunday: Lost Love

Last week's edition of Sonic Sunday was devoted to the death of summer, and this week is all about the death of relationships. I swear though, I'm not trying to make you people kill yourselves. Maybe just cut yourselves a little.

If you're not a cutter, you might just want to have some Kleenex and/or chocolate nearby before listening to these 13 unlucky-in-love tunes. (Songs are posted in order of their placement on the teardrop scale.)

1. "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues," Elton John - Wait on me girl/Cry in the night if it helps/But more than ever I simply love you/More than I love life itself

We'll start off on the lighter side with a song not about a relationship that's over, but one that's on hold. It's hard to get too depressed while listening to this one because the music is fairly upbeat. I'm sure anyone in a long-distance relationship would probably disagree with that, but this isn't your list, is it? And you still have someone who loves you, don't you?

2. "You Used to Love to Dance," Melissa Etheridge - Do you sit and talk over coffee cups?/Do headline mornings satisfy and fill you up?

I've always found this to be a pretty sad song. The only reason it's so high up on the list is that, well, Melissa's lyrics don't always age well. Lines like "clutching your sin," and "Ecstasy ain't free but compromise is chance" kind of make me snicker now. They're so "I'm a very deep and important '80s songwriter" and, therefore, a bit hard to take seriously. But her voice is still amazing and the story she tells is timeless. It's all about that shock (and jealousy) you feel when you find out one of your "party time" loves actually settled down.

3. "Television Light," Marshall Crenshaw - Oh, what I didn't wish for nearly came true/To throw your love away was what I didn't wanna do

This is a simple song about regret. A guy spends an evening walking around town, where everything reminds him of the girl he dumped. The weeping fiddles really bring across that melancholy feeling.

4. "All I Could Do Was Cry," Etta James - I heard them promise 'Til death do us part'/Each word was a pain in my heart

Oh, Etta. She does heartbreak so well. I probably could've chosen any number of the songs she performed ("Fool That I Am," "I'd Rather Go Blind," etc.) but this was the first one that popped into my head. I mean, who goes and spies on her ex-boyfriend's wedding to another woman?? You've gotta be something of a masochist to do that. The song isn't really that much of a weeper though, because Etta seems like a tough chick who will get over it soon enough. But man, she was pissed when they threw that rice!

5. "The Song Remembers When," Trisha Yearwood - After driving out the memory of the way things might have been/After I'd forgotten all about us, the song remembers when

This wouldn't be much of a list without at least one country song. Those bumpkins sure do know how to convey heartbreak, and I'm not just talking about the pain of having their trucks repossessed. I love songs about the power of music, and this one is a perfect example. It's about how you can get over someone and be perfectly fine until, one day, "that one song" comes on the radio and stops you in your tracks as all the old memories come flooding back.

6. "Almost Lover," A Fine Frenzy - I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind/So you're gone and I'm haunted/And I bet you are just fine

Ah yes, the "almost" guys. Or, more to the point, soul-sucking scumbags who like to toy with people's feelings. Uh, maybe we should let Alison Sudol take over from here. Her take on this topic is much more poetic.

7. "Pale Moon," Shannon McNally - I know we'll meet again someday and we'll be very far away/And I'll know you and you'll know me, and we're gonna both agree/That we belong together

I've interpreted this tune to be about that moment that everyone either wishes for or dreads - randomly running into the ex-love who you're not completely over. It's hard to tell if Shannon has actually bumped into the guy or if she's just thinking about it, but either way this is a beautiful song.

8. "Silver Springs," Fleetwood Mac - Time casts a spell on you, but you wont forget me/I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me

This is the live version because the studio version is much too light. Neither the music nor Stevie Nicks' vocal delivery match the powerful lyrics. In the live version though, man, Stevie is FIRED UP. In The Dance concert, she stares Lindsey Buckingham down as if to say, "So, I can go my own way? Well, my voice will haunt you for the rest of your life. And you made this song a B-side to your kiss-off song? And then wouldn't even let me put it on my solo album? Well, I'm singing the shit out of it now and the people LOVE it. And they all know it's about you. I will NOT blink first! How you like me now, bitch?" Well, I really don't know if all of that was going on in her head, but it's probably pretty close.

9. "La Cienega Just Smiled," Ryan Adams - And I hold you close in the back of my mind/Raise my glass 'cause either way I'm dead

When I first discovered this song, I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what "La Cienega" meant in Spanish. Turned out it's just La Cienega Blvd. in Hollywood. I read somewhere online that this song is about a prostitute, but despite the reference to a street in a scummy town, I hardly think so. It seems pretty straightforwardly about a guy going through the motions of life, getting wasted (and maybe visiting prostitutes), and basically not doing a very good job of getting over his lost love.

10. "Bobby Jean," Bruce Springsteen - And I'm just calling one last time not to change your mind/But just to say 'I miss you baby, good luck, goodbye, Bobby Jean'

Including this song on this list was an interesting experience. This was always a favorite of mine when I was younger, and I remember having an immediate emotional response the first time I heard it. But when I was putting this mix together, I started looking at lyrics and thought that "Downbound Train" (also from Born in the U.S.A.) might have fit the theme better, because the lyrics to "Bobby Jean" seemed to suggest more of a friendship than a romantic relationship. But then I realized that even though this Springsteenesque guy and Bobby Jean may not have been a couple, that doesn't mean that he wasn't in love with her. I asked my brother and rabid Boss fan, Dutch, which song he would pick and he chose this one. I still wasn't sure, so I put it on and was amazed to find my eyes all blurry within about 30 seconds. I hadn't heard the song in years, but it still gives me the chills and gets me all choked up.

Now, we come to the Final 3. If you're not curled up in the fetal position yet, you will be soon.

11."Lover, You Should've Come Over," Jeff Buckley - It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder/It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her

I guess it's depressing to listen to Jeff Buckley songs in general, considering that he was taken from us too soon. I was torn between this, "Last Goodbye," and "Forget Her," but quickly chose this one since it's my favorite of all of his songs and it's one of the most heart-wrenching vocal performances from one of the most expressive singers ever. The whole song is so beautifully sad, but that bridge is just...wow.

12. "Black," Pearl Jam - I know someday you'll have a beautiful life/I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky/But why, why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?

Speaking of expressive voices, no one can rip my heart out quite like Eddie Vedder. And his delivery of the above line is pure perfection. We've all experienced that exact feeling, but only Eddie has been able to word it so beautifully. If this song, and especially that final line, doesn't tear out your heart just a little, you might want to check if you still have one.

13. "No Distance Left to Run," Blur - It's over, I knew it would end this way/And I hope you're with someone who makes you feel that this life is a life/Who settles down, stays around, spends more time with you/I've got no distance left to run

This one just narrowly beat out "Black" as the saddest love song I've ever heard. Damon Albarn wrote this at the end of his 7-year relationship with Justine Frischmann, and it just captures that feeling of having nothing left to give someone and having no choice but to give up and hope that they can find happiness somewhere else.




Okay then, who wants ice cream?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Happy Effin' Birthday, Joey!

Today is #58 for my adopted bundle of acting joy (see sidebar), Joey Pants. Let's celebrate the occasion with an animated sketch in which Joey tells a story about his crazy mother and dysfunctional family. This may explain why he wanted to be adopted by a nice girl like me.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Project Runway 6: Episode 4

On Project Runway, a show that is constantly stressing the importance of innovation to its contestants, it's ironic that the show itself has been pretty lacking in that department. So far the designers have had to churn out a red carpet ensemble, maternity wear, and beach apparel - not exactly cutting-edge stuff.

Heidi Klum tried to play like this week's challenge was going to be much tougher when she told the remaining designers that Tim was in the workroom with 13 women who they needed to make "very happy." The designers wondered who these mystery women could be. Bridezillas? Pageant kids? Dominatrixes? The possibilities were endless! But then it just turned out to be their models. You know, the same girls they dress every week. Ho-hum.

Continue on to Starpulse to read the full recap!

Caption Crotch-test Contest #26

"I spit, too!!!"

There is this month's winning caption, supplied by Red of Gingers is the Watchword! Oddly enough, Red has never won a Firecrotch award despite the fact that she is a real life firecrotch. (Not "firecrotch" as it's come to be defined thanks to herp-infected celebutards, but as in the original definition meaning "one with red pubes.") The quote is simple and funny, although I'm not convinced that it's completely accurate.

And because people need to feel special, here are some runners-up:

"This morning, I had Joe Francis. And tonight? Joe Camel." - Cormac Brown (A four-legged creature is actually a step up from that Neanderthal gone wild.)

"Take off the bandage, Nicole. I've seen way worse nose jobs." - Dr. Kenneth Noisewater (I'd be surprised if she even remembers what a real nose looks like.)

Paris found the exact colour she wanted for her new handbag. - Pepe LePew (This made me laugh because I could totally imagine her thinking it would be perfectly reasonable to have a camel killed and skinned if it meant having the perfect, one-of-a-kind purse. And I love how those non-Americans stick that superfluous "u" in "color.")

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

As much of an '80s kid as I am, I can't seem to bring myself out of the '90s lately. The Gen Y music trend continues this week with "Here and Now" by Letters To Cleo. Chicks may remember this song from its inclusion on the Melrose Place soundtrack, and dudes may remember lead singer Kay Hanley from their wet dreams. Oh, and let's face it, dudes watched Melrose Place too.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

09/09/09: A Day That Will Live in Infamy

Well, it's not exactly the end of the world, but it was announced today that Ellen DeGeneres is replacing Paula Abdul as American Idol's 4th judge. Hmm...so TPTB couldn't afford Paula, but they can afford Ellen?? I'm not buying it. Obviously, the producers wanted P-Ab off the show and they used the old "she wanted too much money" excuse.

I'm pretty sure this is the final nail in Idol's coffin. Sure, Ellen is likable and funny and all, but that's just the problem. We don't need "funny ha-ha," we need "funny insane." I mean, the least they could've done is hired Anne Heche. Get Celestia up in that piece* to sprinkle her critiques with messages of interplanetary love and uncomfortable tangents about her "lazy ass" ex-husband, and you've got yourself a good show again.


*I'm bringing this phrase back. You're welcome.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Sonic Sunday...on Monday


I thought it was about time I revived the Sonic Sunday feature, and what better time to do that than on a Monday? Hey, today feels like a Sunday, so I don't think I'm too out of line.

Being that it's Labor Day, I originally thought about posting a playlist of work-related songs. But I don't want to be reminded of work while I'm trying to suck the last bits of leisurely joy out of this long weekend, so I've instead opted for an "End of Summer" mix. Yes, I know that summer isn't technically over yet, but it kind of feels like it already.

"The Boys of Summer," Don Henley - Nobody on the road/Nobody on the beach/I feel it in the air/The summer's out of reach

"Summer," Buffalo Tom - Summer's gone, can't wipe it off my hands/Write it in the sand, in the sand

"Summer Skin," Death Cab For Cutie - Then Labor Day came and went/And we shed what was left of our summer skin

"The Last Day of Summer," The Cure - But the last day of summer never felt so cold/The last day of summer never felt so old

"Footprints," Squeeze - Now the summer is over, I can count the cost/Footprints on the beaches are now footprints in the frost

"Stolen," Dashboard Confessional - We watch the season pull up its own stakes/And catch the last weekend of the last week

"All Summer Long," The Beach Boys - I cant see enough of you/Won't be long 'til summertime is through

"This Time of Year," Better Than Ezra - Well, there's a football in the air, across a leaf blown field/Yeah, there's your first car on the road, and the girl you'd steal

What are your favorite end-of-summer songs?

Friday, September 04, 2009

Project Runway 6: Episode 3

Last night on "Project Runway," the design challenge kicked off with a meeting on the beach, providing an image I never thought I'd see in my lifetime (or on Lifetime) - the always debonair Tim Gunn in flip-flops. The Californication of the show is nearly complete! Now all the producers need to do is pipe some New Age music into the workroom.

The beach was the obvious setting for this challenge, which was to create fun and fashionable surf wear. Everyone seemed pretty happy until Tim dropped the bomb that it was to be a dreaded TEAM challenge. If there is anything designers hate, it's having to compromise their visions. Of course, this development was just what we viewers were waiting for because it meant that - finally - personalities would start popping out!

Continue on to Starpulse to read the full recap!

Damn You, America's Funniest Home Videos!

This is what Bob Saget has led us to. Observe, the newest YouTube sensation, the "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up Puppy." At least I think that's what "フレンチブルドッグ「チャイ」起き上がれない" translates to.



Hey, video guy! I know you're Japanese and all, but would it really kill you to put a camera down once in a while? THAT PUPPY NEEDS YOUR HELP!! I suppose we can thank our lucky stars that this wasn't filmed in Korea.


Found on Best Week Ever.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Forgotten Classic Video(s) of the Week

I plum forgot to post a video last week, so I'm doubling up today. I know, I know, I shouldn't be doing two-fers on any day but Tuesday but let's just call this a Whoop-dee-doo Wednesday and get on with it.

The vid from two weeks ago was the first '90s classic (those two words together still just don't seem right) I'd posted in a long time and...hey, wait! I went ape in that post and gave you eight lovely videos on which to feast,so I shouldn't really feel bad about skipping last week. But I hate when I space on simple things like that, so I'm still going to give you two clips this week.

I think I'm going to stick with the '90s for now because, apparently, I love reminding myself of just how old I'm getting.

Here are two songs that are not related in any way other than that they both came out in 1992 and were two of my favorites at the time. I won't blather on too much about the songs or fire off pointless, trivial facts about the bands because I'm OLD and TIRED and I want to go to BED. But you kids feel free to stay up late and crank these tunes.

"Tones of Home," Blind Melon



Although this was a single off Blind Melon's debut album, not many people remember it because of the crushing popularity of "No Rain." The rest of the CD was a little more rockin' (although very much "hippy rock") than the bumblebee song, and I loved it so much that I'm surprised it didn't spontaneously disintegrate from so much play.

"The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead," XTC



This was always my favorite XTC song. I remember thinking the video was pretty clever when it came out, but looking at it now, it just looks like lost footage from The DaVinci Code or something.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

The 10 Hottest Hotties of Hottstown, Hottsylvania

It's been a while (more than a day) since I let my lustful star-effing fantasies be known, so I thought this might be a good time to celebrate some sexy menz and praise them like I should. Besides, my list has actually changed quite a bit since the last time I did this (although I don't imagine Hotties #1 and #2 will be budging anytime soon) and I'm far too anal to let something as frivolous as a "hot guy" list remain outdated.

1. John Travolta - Who's shocked?? If you raised your hand, read my blog once, why don'tcha? I don't know how many different ways I can describe how much I adore this man, or how much more you people can take. But if you're still puzzled by my love for him, this post probably comes closest to explaining my hopeless devotion. It goes way beyond looks, people. He will remain at #1 even if he loses all his teeth, hair, and control of his bladder.


2. Eddie Vedder - I'm still playing Captain Obvious but hey, I told you that #1 and #2 are immovable objects of lust. Yet oddly enough, they are the two on this list who I look upon with the least amount of outright "lust." I guess it sounds queer to say while making a celebrity fantasy list, but I actually respect these guys more than I want to do dirty things to them. Not to say that I don't want to do dirty things to them. Let's not be ridiculous. Of course I do. But John is a guy I've been in love with since I was five years old, so there's sort of an innocent quality guiding that long-standing crush. And even though I've had plenty of impure thoughts about Eddie, his effect on me is much more profound than that. There has never been and I can't imagine that there ever will be (although I'm open to the possibility) another songwriter whose words touch me the way his do. When I hear his music, it's like he's...uh, I don't know...banging my soul. Or something. Isn't that just beautiful?? Hard to believe I never became a great lyricist myself.


3. Ewan McGregor - My favorite peen-flashing Scot has risen as far up in the ranks as anyone not named Travolta or Vedder can get. And it really has little to do with the aforementioned peen flashing. He's simply just scrumptrulescent. Those of you who know Jeremy Sisto as my perennial "Number 3 Man" may be surprised by this turn of events, and I'll get to that a little later. He's still somewhere on the list. But when it came to filling that crucial third spot, the force was just stronger in Ewan.


4. Damon Albarn - Now it is time to correct an egregious omission in my past sexy lists. My recent re-discovery and obsession with Blur also helped me re-discover my old, recurring crush on the lead singer, Damon. I explained away the whole missing-out-on-Blur thing as just bad luck that they never broke through in America, but that's kind of a lame excuse now that I think about it. Because Supergrass had the same problem and I managed to dig up more info on them several years ago, despite knowing barely any of their songs and the fact that the lead singer looks like a Cro-Mag. Yet, there was Blur, occasionally reaching my ears and pleasing them every time, with a lead singer who, during his 20s and early 30s, was about the most perfect looking person on the planet. So, if the good music wasn't enough to make me seek them out, shouldn't the beautiful man have gotten me off my arse? I'm either much less shallow than I think or much, much lazier than I realize. Anyway, I always assumed Damon was gay because he was way too pretty to be straight and because he wrote the big bi party anthem, "Girls & Boys." (Sometimes I make the mistake of thinking that all lyricists write directly from their own experiences.) Turns out not only is he not gay, but he's quite the one-woman man (hot) and is practically the damn King of England; they love him so much over there. And what's not to love? He's still gorgeous (yes, even with the whole gold tooth fiasco going on in his mouth) and still making brilliant, genre-busting music with just about everyone under the sun. (Everyone, it seems, but Blur, unfortunately.) He's also one of those do-gooders who makes you reassess everything you're doing in your own life. Ah, nothing hotter than a guy who can give you an inferiority complex, eh?


5. Hugh Jackman - Yes, we're deep into the "men with accents" portion of the list. We've gone from Scottish to British to my favorite, Aussie. (Well, it's kind of a tie with Irish.) This guy is the very definition of the word "hunk." I think it should be some sort of Hollywood law that Hugh has to appear shirtless in every movie that he's in. If it's not a law already because, thankfully, it seems to happen a lot.

6. Jason Segel - In a very short span of time, Jason went from "guy I think is mildly creepy" to my #3 man (for, like, a day while I was deep in the middle of my Freaks & Geeks discovery), to the very comfortable and not at all shabby #6 spot on the list. He may not be as "conventionally" good-looking as some of my other dudes, but he's totally adorkable, and I love that. I'm not sure who coined that term, but I'm stealing it. Because that's what he is. He's Mr. Adorkable.

7. Paul Rudd - I've always thought Paul was so cute, ever since I first saw him in Clueless. But he's just gotten hotter and funnier (which adds to the hotness) over the years. His performance in I Love You, Man was a thing of beauty. He actually out-adorkabled Mr. Adorkable himself, and that's no easy task.


8. Jeremy Sisto - Okay, so I feel a little bad dropping Jeremy all the way down to #8. I mean, I've loved him ever since Clueless also. But I don't know what's going on with him. I still dig him (and that hair) but it just doesn't seem like he's aging as well as some of these other guys. Or maybe my tastes are changing. Who knows. I do know one thing - Law & Order was supposedly filming a scene right around the corner from my office yesterday morning, and I didn't spot Jeremy. But you can bet that if I had, I would've treated him like he was still #3. And then I would have ended up in jail or Bellevue.

9. Charlie Day - Charlie might very well be the funniest guy on the list, and possibly the shortest. Eddie and Paul are pretty short though too, so I'm not sure. His height is really immaterial though. He's hilarious, cute as a button, and a master of karate and friendship for everyone. And talk about your great hair. He might even have Jeremy beat in that department, but I don't know. To make an informed decision, I'd really need to have them both in front of me so I could grab a nice, big handful. Of their hair, you pigs. On their heads, you swine.

10. Dierks Bentley - Ah, the lone blonde on my list. Damon Albarn seems a bit on the blonde side, and I believe he's gone blonde on occasion, but his hair is actually more of a light brown. And you know, I'm not even completely convinced of Dierks' blondeness now that I look at his pics a bit more. I historically go for brunette men, so it's always newsworthy (to me) when I flip for a fair-haired lad. I thought Dierks looked hot when he shaved his hair off, but I have to say that I'm happy he's back to all the wild curls. Hottest. Country singer. Ever.


And yes, I know I'm totally playing favorites with the Top 4 by featuring more pictures of them. But they are the Top 4, for God's sake. (Actually, I was going to play favorites with the Top 5 until searching for pictures became so damn time consuming.)

By the way, spot the recurring theme in the Top 4's photos and win a prize*!

So, what do you all think of my hotties? Who's your Top 10? I'll bet $100 that someone says John Stamos. My last Stamos-less list brought a bunch of his crazy, grammatically-challenged worshippers out of the woodwork, so I'm sure they'll find me again.


*Probably another dumb list. And a comment from me something along the lines of, "Yay, you did it."

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine