Monday, July 19, 2010

Pardon My Negligence

BURNOUT.

It happens to every blogger at some point. I hope to snap out of this sad state sometime seriously soon. (At least I haven't grown tired of alliteration.)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Caption Crotch-test Contest #36

"I don't know why Li-Lo said I should try the 'prison smoothie'."

Yeah, grooossss! Well, you can thank Cormac Brown for ruining your appetite—he's this month's Firecrotch!

Sorry it took me until the month was halfway over to crown someone the winner. I've been spending late nights at the law library trying to figure out how to keep LiLo out of jail. But don't worry, Cormac. You can co-crotch with August's winner until mid-month.

Now here are your runners up, each of whom wins a lifetime supply of prison smoothies:

"I want an Oompa Loompa, Daddy, and I want it NOW!" - Flannery Alden (Missed back-to-back Firecrotch awards by thismuch.)

You can make Brit cover her ladyparts in public, but you can't make her like it. - Alice (So true, so true.)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sonic Sunday: Best Albums of the Year...So Far

I usually always do a "Best Songs of the Year" post at the year's end, but 2010 has been such an AMAZING year for music and we're only to the halfway point. Therefore, I figured that I should honor some of this great music now by pimping some of my favorite records so far.

Infinite Arms, Band Of Horses

As usually happens when an indie band jumps from an indie label to a major one (in this case, from SubPop to Columbia), there is no shortage of hipsters whining about Band Of Horses (now a five-piece) "selling out" and "losing their edge." But if you read my blog regularly (and you should), there is one thing you should have learned by now: never listen to hipsters. This is a beautiful record full of BoH's usual pretty pop melodies, almost ethereal vocals and jangly guitars but with a much more roots rock/alt-country vibe going on.

Listen to "Laredo."

Other choice cuts: "Compliments," "Dilly," "Older"

Broken Bells, Broken Bells

This collaboration between The Shins' James Mercer and super-producer Brian "Danger Mouse" Burton was one of this year's most highly anticipated ones, and it doesn't disappoint. Mercer brings his unmistakable voice and melodic flair and Burton brings the beats. He also pushes Mercer into experimental territory, which saves this record from being another Shins album. It's a perfect collaboration in that both artists contribute equally, rather than one acting as a dominating force. So what you end up with is a mix of hip-hop, R&B, electronica, retro pop and indie guitar rock that meshes so well together that it should really be its own genre. And I'm going to make it one right now: electro-rhythrock indie hip-pop.

Listen to "The High Road."

Other choice cuts: "The Ghost Inside," "October," "The Mall & Misery"

Head First, Goldfrapp

I only have one word to describe this album: "awesome." No, no, wait: "rad." No, no: "Xana-super-duper." Well, any of those words will do, really. Usually when artists try to make an album with a retro sound, you can hear the effort and it just sounds derivative. But with this record, it honestly sounds like something that was recorded back in 1983 that the world hadn't uncovered until now—perhaps the soundtrack to the direct-to-Betamax film Xanadu II: Frapptastic Boogaloo. Overall, the response to Goldfrapp's fifth album has been positive, although I have read a few negative reviews, which I have to assume were all written by people who are repressing bad childhood memories of their daddies never taking them roller skating, or their mommies refusing to buy them the sparkly pink leg warmers all the cool girls (and at least one boy) in school were wearing. Perhaps they should seek therapy so that they can experience joy again. Aha! There it is...the word I was looking for to describe this album: "JOY." No, no: "LOVE." Head First is love.

Listen to "Rocket."

Other choice cuts: "Alive," "I Wanna Life," "Head First"

Plastic Beach, Gorillaz

It feels weird to call this a Gorillaz record since Jamie Hewlett's cartoon characters have taken a bit of a backseat this go-round. Visually, it's great to see Damon Albarn having fun as a frontman (although he doesn't like that word) again, surrounded by an amazing group of musicians and guest stars that only an artist of his caliber could attract: Mick Jones, Paul Simonon, Simon Tong, Lou Reed, Bobby Womack, Snoop Dogg, De La Soul and many more. And sonically, it's great to hear Damon making pop music again and expertly blending it with the electro-funk of the two previous Gorillaz albums.

Listen to "Stylo."

Other choice cuts: "On Melancholy Hill," "Rhinestone Eyes," "To Binge"

Together, The New Pornographers

Oh, the harmonies! Oh, the melodies! Oh, the hooks! Oh, Neko Case!! This is yet another wonderful record that hipsters are trying to piss on. Oh, boo hoo, it isn't Mass Romantic Part II. Oh no, it doesn't sound completely different from anything anyone on this planet has ever heard before. Oh God, they're about a hop, skip and a jump away from becoming *shudder* mainstream! Quick, throw on that Okkervil River record and let's pretend that being bored and depressed is better than put-put-putting our hands together to feel-good, grandiose folk-pop!

Listen to "Crash Years."

Other choice cuts: "My Shepherd," "Moves," "We End Up Together"


Honorable mentions:
(Tracks from each of these records are on the EyePod over in the near sidebar.)

Forgiveness Rock Record
, Broken Social Scene
History From Below, Delta Spirit
The Brutalist Bricks, Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
Barbara, We Are Scientists
Wake Up The Nation, Paul Weller
Odd Blood, Yeasayer

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

This week's vid comes to us by yet another band that was hugely popular in its native England but was never considered more than a one-hit wonder to most of America. I don't know what's wrong with Americans...consistently passing up bands like The Jam, Blur, Pulp and Supergrass for the likes of Asia, Hootie and the Blowfish, Creed and Matchbox 20. I guess you could say we passed up Madness in favor of American ska band The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (who I have no problem with), although the Bosstones only broke big about 10 years after Madness' "Our House" became a Top 10 mega-hit.

This cover of Labi Siffre's "It Must Be Love" was the only other Madness tune to crack the American Top 40, making it to #33 in 1983, the year after "Our House" was released. Enjoy.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Lindsay Lohan: Like Joan of Arc but with Less Heresy and More Heroin

Got my nails did special for court.Remember back in January, when Lindsay Lohan promised "more positive LOHAN MAYHEM" and a new year of "no drama?" No? Neither does she.

LiLo is finally getting more than a slap on the wrist for her (not positive) mayhem, and neither she nor her ice cream addict mother are very happy about it. I mean, being sentenced to 90 days in jail for something as minor as a probation violation?!? Probation that stemmed from two DUIs—one in which cocaine rode shotgun and one that sort of qualified as a carjacking—and her blatant refusal to subsequently attend court-ordered alcohol ed classes. Seriously...jail time for that????? Outrageous!!!

As noted train wreck expert Britney Spears told me when I called her up for comment (come on, you know she's in my Five Faves), "It's 'cause she's a celebrity y'all! They's out to get her juz 'cause she's famous 'n stuff! Oh snap! Gotta go...I'm outta Cheetos."

When Judge Marsha Revel was not moved enough by Lindsay's crocodile tears and manicurial message to be lenient, Linz told her friends that the judge is a "f**king bitch" who just hates her and is trying to make an example of her. And it's probably true. Because, in chambers, Judge Marsha was all, "I'm a pusher, Lindsay. I'm a pusher." Which probably means that she sells drugs on the side. I just hope for Lindsay's sake that the judge never gets her hands on that Burn Book.

Crack can never, never be refused by thee...Remember the good ol' days before the cell phone cams and YouTubages and Twitterlings, when celebrities could pretty much do whatever they wanted and they knew it? Now it's like people want them to take responsibility for their actions. It must be hell. I can't imagine anything worse than having your sense of entitlement stripped away. That's a form of "cruel and unusual punishment," isn't it?

Our Lady of the Sacred Crack Pipe has taken to her Twitter stream to let her followers know that the judicial system has unfairly targeted her and is infringing on her basic human rights. The exclamation point at the end of her rant (basically a quote from a random article about sentencing guidelines) is a link to the story about an Iranian woman who is facing a stoning death for committing adultery. It's unclear whether Lady Lindsay is trying to compare her situation with this woman or if she's making a plea for extradition to the magical land of Iran, where the government actually rewards criminals by letting them get stoned.


Well, here's one good thing to come out of Lindsay's predicament: another blog contest! Guess how many of the 90 days she will actually serve in prison and win a prize! (Price Is Right rules, bitches: closest without going over.) I haven't decided what the prize will be, but just enter the contest anyway. It could be a date with me or it could be a rock of crack. One never knows.

And while you're in a contest-entering mood, don't forget this month's caption contest! LiLo needs someone to perform her official Firecrotch duties while she's in the clink.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Happy 4th, Bitches



THIS is what America's all about. Lee Greenwood can suck it.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

I couldn't think of any 4th of July-esque videos for this week, so I just went with a song by two very American dudes: Roger McGuinn and Tom Petty. This is Roger's 1991 hit "King of the Hill," which has somehow been forgotten by a lot of people over the last couple of decades. I don't know why, because it's a great song. And the kind of cute bad guy from Dumb and Dumber is in the video!



And even though YouTube comments are generally ridonk, jmreidfo interestingly points out: "Roger is indeed clairvoyant: this video is an exact script of investment fraud scum Marcus Schrenker (Google him...scary how tight the parallel is between the video and his story)."

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My Photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine