Flashback Friday: Hands Across America

Here's a flashback designed to weed out the true '80s kids! Where were you when we were all holding hands?

It was 21 years ago today that millions of people stood around, clasping paws with strangers (that's where all these crazy staph infections started, I bet), swaying and singing along to a truly awful song, even by benefit-song standards. It was Hands Across America, an offshoot of USA For Africa, staged to raise money for the hungry and homeless.

It seemed like a great idea on paper, but logistically, it just didn't work. The goal was to form a human chain from New York to California, but there were large gaps all across the U.S. According to Wikipedia, there were, in fact, enough people participating "to form an unbroken chain across the country if the path were a straight line. In order to allow the maximum number of people to participate, the path linked major cities and meandered back and forth within the cities."

I was in Pittsburgh during the event, and I can clearly remember seeing the ends of the lines we formed around the old Three Rivers Stadium. I was a bit let down after the whole thing. But at least I can say I was there. And you better believe I have photographic evidence of my participation! This is the part where everyone gets to laugh at my expense. Yay!

Photo 1 offers a great wide shot of my sister and I, along with some of the other folks who bothered to get off of their couches and come out that day. Yeah, you know, unless it's a Steeler rally or a Clarks concert, Pittsburghers aren't really that motivated to stand around outside for any length of time. Especially if they're expected to stay sober.



Photo 2 offers a better look at my fab ensemble, complete with Risky Business shades, and the embarassing steel-wool pouf that was my hair. I only wish that my feet hadn't gotten cut out of this pic so you could all see my old, beloved pink canvas shoes. Of course, you can click on these pics for bigger versions, in which you can vaguely make out the shoes in Photo 1.

One only needs to look at the three girls on the right to realize that I was totally in fashion. We're all wearing a variation of the same color palette and had obviously used quite a bit of Aqua Net, Rave or White Rain hairspray. The funniest part of this picture, for me, isn't me, strangely enough. I found this photo during my last trip home and when I saw it, I thought to myself, Who is that guy I'm holding hands with? It took me about a minute to figure out that it was my brother, Dutch. (No, my parents didn't name him Dutch, but that's his nickname these days.) What's even funnier is that Dutch didn't recognize his former self right off the bat either. Hey, I may cringe when I see old pics of myself, but at least I know who I am!



I was going to post the official video, but can't seem to find the whole thing anywhere. But if you're really jonesin' for some hand-action, you can see part of the original promo here. Man, if I could've stood in line between Crockett and Tubbs, I would've never washed my hands again.