Hey, even if your name isn't Leroy, you should check out this week's vid: "I Wish I Had A Girl" by the Lord of Mullets, Henry Lee Summer.
I've always had quite an affection for this song, which kind of makes me feel like a bumpkin. Although it was fairly popular back when it came out in 1987, probably the only place you'd hear this tune now is blaring out of this guy's truck window. -->
Oh, and on my blog, of course.
I actually wanted to post this vid a couple of years ago, but apparently there wasn't an embeddable version on YouTube then. Finally, this wrong has been righted. And right before Thanksgiving, too.
You know, this song reminds me...I always wished I had a guy who walked like George Jefferson.
Many of our favorite Sesame Street characters are celebrating 40 years in the neighborhood, but a few have no intentions of aging gracefully. Also, the fame might finally be getting to their heads. Observe:
Oscar the Grouch has suddenly decided that he's very concerned about the environment and has traded in his trash can for a recycle bin outside the Starbucks over on Third Avenue. In exchange for shaming people into recycling with caustic remarks, Starbucks gives Oscar all the coffee, bran muffins and adult contemporary CDs he wants. His new "crunchy granola" attitude may be causing a rift between him and girlfriend Grundgetta, who still loves regular old trash and is also a tea drinker.
Grover is taking full advantage of his still-boyish looks that are the envy of every other Sesame Street resident. He's recently invested in a John Mayer-inspired hairpiece and taken the bare minimum of guitar lessons needed to master Mayer's brand of soulless, inoffensive music that somehow makes the girls go wild. And it seems to be working, as word on the street is that he's been romancing a bevy of babes. In the past month alone, he's been linked to Betty Lou, Rosita, Prairie Dawn, Jennifer Aniston and even the Count's estranged lady friend, Countess Dahling von Dahling (more on that below).
It's kind of surprising that the ageless Count von Count would care much about the passage of time, but perhaps he's just wishing he were in swingin' Transylvania and rebelling against his pleasant, suburban, family-friendly surroundings. After dumping his long-time partner, he replaced his trademark monocle with some designer shades, had some dental work done, and copped not only Robert Pattinson's hairdo, but also his chick. Yes, The Count has been seen squiring Kristen Stewart all over town, most recently to Chrissy and The Alphabeats' private, star-studded CD release party. Although "Countsten" refuses to comment on their status, town gossip Big Bird claims to have seen the pair snogging outside Mr. Hooper's store.
The most shocking news of all was Ernie's sudden decision to split with Bert, his partner of fortysomething years. In a recent interview, Ernie told Sesame Street News Flash's Kermit the Frog that he'd just had enough of Bert's mental and emotional abuse, and revealed that his former flame was into some "disturbing paper clip fetishes" and suffered a crippling addiction to pigeon porn. Bert took to Twitter to deny Ernie's allegations while hurling some of his own—namely, that Ernie physically assaulted him once with his rubber ducky and that he had carried on a secret affair with Guy Smiley for years. Ernie has denied Bert's claims, calling his ex a "monobrowed moron."
Then, mere days after revealing to Kermit that he had no plans to date any time soon (stating that he needed to "work on himself"), Ernie showed up to the 40th Anniversary party on the arm of newly-single Adam Lambert, 13 years his junior! Ernie didn't hide his affection for the young singer, which launched Bert into another Twitter tirade, plastering the dirty details of his and Ernie's dysfunctional relationship and breakup online.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the many small but meaningful ways in which the "digital age" has changed music as we (old folks) know it. The blank stares of the younger generation used to only come when you mentioned 8-tracks or 78s, but those vacant expressions are becoming increasingly more common during any discussion of cassettes, 45s, and albums. That's depressing.
I've fully embraced digital music now, but it took me longer than most. One of the big reasons for that is that I've always been a liner notes gal. So it saddens me to think that, in a few years, the term "liner notes" will also be met with those horrible blank stares.
But liner notes aren't the only casualty of this new musical era. That wonderful treat known as the B-side will soon be (if it hasn't already) rendered obsolete. And that's probably the biggest tragedy, because B-sides were — to borrow a line from Mama Gump — like a box of chocolates; you never knew what you were gonna get. Often, they were just throwaway recordings, but sometimes they were incredible songs that made you gasp in amazement that they were never included on studio albums. And, of course, knowing about your favorite artists' b-sides always gave you that warm, fuzzy feeling of being a "true fan."
This Sonic Sunday post is dedicated to those Bs that should've been As — and because I haven't quite finished compiling my list of favorites (oh, the anguish of picking only one Pearl Jam song), this theme is going to continue throughout November. I'm even open to requests, so if you know of a real gem you want me to consider for a future installment, shoot me an email.
(No turntable required to hear the music. Click any link or arrow to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)
1. "17 Days," Prince and The Revolution - So here I sit in my lonely room lookin' for my sunshine/But all I've got is two cigarettes and this broken heart of mine/So let the rain come down, the rain come down/Let the rain come down, down
Despite the fact that he managed to fill up a disc full of them, Prince has never been known for having a wealth of fabulous B-sides. And of all of them, "Erotic City" is usually the one that gets all the attention. While I like that one well enough, it's just kind of like, "oh, Prince is being dirty again," so it's no big whoop. I much prefer this one, which was the B-side to "When Doves Cry." I can't think of a song that could've been bumped from the Purple Rain soundtrack, but I guess I might have bumped "Take Me With U" for the clearly superior "17 Days." I guess its problem was not fitting well enough into that movie's complex storyline. Heh.
2. "All Your Life," Blur - I need someone to tell me everything'll be alright/I need someone who'll hold me when the day turns to night/I need someone who loves me more than you do/Oh we say that's not true/And you and me in line as double bill/Surrogate heroes on TV and films
Pearl Jam wasn't the only band to give me problems during this project. Blur has a ton of B-sides: many crap, many good, and at least three that I love enough to nearly get a nosebleed when trying to decide among them. Ultimately, I settled on this flip side to "Beetlebum," because I felt like their self-titled album was the one that could have been most improved by bumping something else in favor of it. "All Your Life" is a better song than at least five of the album tracks, including Blur's only true American hit, "Song 2." But do yourselves a favor and look up "Young and Lovely," a gorgeous track that was inexplicably left off of the nearly perfect Modern Life is Rubbish, and "Money Makes Me Crazy," a wonderfully peppy pop song that might have seemed a bit out of place on the experimental Think Tank.
3. "Hey Hey What Can I Do," Led Zeppelin - I got a woman, wanna ball all day/I got a woman, she won't be true, no/I got a woman, stay drunk all the time/I said I got a little woman and she won't be true
Not only is this one of the best-known B-sides in rock history (backing the "Immigrant Song" single), but it's also one of the best songs ever written about a total sluuuut! I believe this is Led Zeppelin's only B-side, which is as it should be. They knew how brilliant they were. Why would they have left anything off of their records? (Although I will admit to a fierce hatred of "The Crunge.")
4. "How Soon Is Now," The Smiths - There's a club, if you'd like to go/You could meet somebody who really loves you/So you go, and you stand on your own/And you leave on your own/And you go home and you cry and you want to die
When I found out that this song was originally a B-side (later included on compilation album Hatful of Hollow and certain editions of Meat Is Murder), I couldn't believe it. No, actually I could. Because Morrissey is an idiot. But as it turns out, this oversight wasn't Morrissey's fault, but the record label's. (This doesn't leave Morrissey off the hook, though. He's still an idiot.) TPTB didn't think that the song was "representative of the band's sound," and chose not to release it as a single. Well, I'll agree with that because I'm definitely NOT a Smiths fan, but I love this song. Normally, I hate Morrissey's constant whining, but anyone of "clubbing age" can related to the above lyrics. And anyone of any age, race, creed, or sexual orientation can relate to the hook, "I am Human and I need to be loved/Just like everybody else does."
5. "Sweetest Thing," U2 - My love she throws me like a rubber ball/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/She won't catch me or break my fall/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/Baby’s got blue skies up ahead/But in this I'm a rain cloud/You know she wants a dry kind of love/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
This is one of only two B-sides on this list that I actually owned on 45, the other being "Hey Hey What Can I Do." It was the flip side to "Where The Streets Have No Name," and, for me, paled in comparison. (I was really pissed when U2 re-recorded this for their greatest hits compilation. The new version is much too slick and lacks most of the original's charm.) While The Joshua Tree was pretty flawless, I would have swapped out "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for "Sweetest Thing" in a heartbeat. I'm sure most of you think I'm crazy, but I never quite understood the popularity of the former. It's long and plodding and just plain boring. This song, on the other hand, is pure joy. I played the shit out of it, even after we lost our turntable's little 45 doo-hickey. I just weighed it down with pennies. Sometimes it sounded a little distorted, but a distorted "Sweetest Thing" was better than no "Sweetest Thing" at all.
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It feeds itself, then it rubs the lotion all over its body.
I don't know, that caption is just the one that made me laugh the most. Candy must know that I can't resist the juxtaposition of unrelated pop culture references, and for that, I reward her with a flaming crotch. Congrats, Candy! I hope your first time isn't too uncomfortable.
I guess this really wasn't a highly captionable picture, so I tip my hat to all of you who made a valiant effort. But there is only one runner-up this month, 徵信, who came from out of nowhere with this hilarious gem: "花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 感情挽回."
The only reason that didn't take top honors is because a) the joke got a bit repetitive, and b) calling a Hualian person a "firecrotch" is a sign of much disrespect, and an offense that is punishable by death. Makes me wonder why 徵信 even bothered to enter the contest.
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens"
Last night's episode of Sunny was one that I had been looking forward to since the Season 5 promos started running. And although it didn't quite live up to my expectations, it still provided some laughs, as well as a few brilliant merchandising ideas.
Things started with Charlie's self-made infomercial for Kitten Mittens (misspelled Mittons, of course), much of which was featured in one of the aforementioned promos that I watched no less than 50 times on YouTube, laughing hysterically every time. I love animals, but I also enjoy seeing a snobby cat get put in its place once in a while. So, watching a mittened meower clumsily navigate its way across Charlie's coffee table only to take a header off the edge (who says cats always land on their feet?) was quite a treat...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!
Project Runway Picks The Final 3
Last night's Project Runway featured the last challenge before the Final 3 head to Bryant Park.
The top of the episode showed Althea wimping out from saying anything to Irina, who tried her hardest to throw Althea under the bus last week. Meanwhile, Irina lounged in bed, wearing an expression that says, "I secretly replaced all the designers' coffee with cyanide crystals," and talked about how honest and real she is. She claimed that she would never say anything behind anyone's back that she wouldn't say to their faces. Hmm. If this challenge had been to design a dress of lies, Irina would have had it all sewn up...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!
It comes as a shock to me that I haven't posted this week's vid before, because it's one of my favorite songs of the '80s and, maddeningly, one that a lot of people don't seem to remember despite how popular it was back in 1985. Turn your speakers up to 11, go tell 'em Scotland's free, and immerse yourself in the epic fabulousness of Simple Minds' "Alive and Kicking." Don't you forget about this song.
Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:
Adam Lambert, Single: Yay! Adam Lambert's Single: Boo! - In this week's Idol-related news, Madame "I'm Not Bisexual But I Play One in the Fan Mags" Glambert recently broke up with his BF Drake LaBry, setting the stage for many "conversion" attempts by misguided, obsessed female fans. And last weekend, his new single, "For Your Entertainment" dropped like a sparkly dingleberry from a unicorn's bum, making quite a splash on radio and the Internet. The bigger splash came from my bitter, disappointed tears upon hearing the bondage fantasy song, a horribly overproduced mish-mash of Britneyesque clichés. Soon after, I came upon Lady GaGa's original demo for the totally fab song she gave Adam, "Fever," and felt a surge of hope. So, I checked out the 30-second samples of every song on the record and went back to feeling meh. And maybe "meh" is being generous. It sounds like all of the original charm has been sucked out of the Lady GaGa song and most of the other tunes are just the same old, generic radio gaga. The Pink song ("Whataya Want From Me") sounds like Pink (whom I normally like), the Ryan Tedder song ("Sleepwalker") sounds like everything else he writes, the Kara DioGuardi tracks ("Strut," "If I Had You") sound like shit (go figure), "Soaked" is like a bad off-off Broadway number, "Sure Fire Winners" is just plain ridonk, and nothing else is even worth mentioning. The only ones I kind of like based on the brief snippets are "Aftermath," even if it is somewhat generic in a combined Kelly Clarkson/David Cook sort of way, and the lead-off track, "Music Again," ONLY because it's essentially a hilarious '80s metal parody, which isn't surprising considering that it was written by The Darkness' Justin Hawkins. Hopefully though, my ability to judge songs on cursory half-minute listens isn't as good as I think it is, and this album will actually have the power to cure hunger and create permanent rainbows, as I originally thought.
Chris Brown Fights Adam Lambert For "Gayest Album Cover Ever" Crown - The cover art for Woman Beater's new record, Graffiti, debuted online on Monday to mixed fan reviews. I'm not really sure what there is to feel "mixed" about, as the cover is just about the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen, next to P. Diddly's face. Chris wasn't too happy about some of the online comments, and is about ready to punch the next person to mock the outer-spacey cover art or question his sexuality (as long as that person is a girl under 5'7"). He's since taken down his Twitter response, "WHO CARES IF MY PANTS R FITTED...IT'S CALLED FASHION," probably because his publicist told him he sounded like a damn fool and/or Kanye threatened to sue for caps-lock messaging infringement. But really, who does care about his pants when he's holding a guitar in the picture? That's what I care about...it's called false advertising.
Rihanna Breaks Her Silence About Chris Brown's Abuse - Ten months after getting beaten up by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna finally talks about it in the December issue of Glamour, as well as in an interview with Diane Sawyer, set to air on tomorrow's GMA and Friday's 20/20. She told Glamour that the positive thing to come out of the incident is that she can now be the voice of battered women everywhere. I suppose that's all very nice, but it seems a bit shady that she's deciding to talk about this now, when she's gearing up to promote her new record. I mean, it's not like anyone expected her to start talking about it the next day, but if she really wanted to help victims of abuse, why would she have kept quiet for nearly a whole year? I don't want to be too cynical, but it's hard not to when the Glamour interviewer follows up one of Rihanna's responses about her "message to women" with this question: "I think that’s a great message. What about your new album? What’s it like?" Niiiiice segue.
Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin Sign On To Host Oscars - I'm all for this pairing and I'm sure it will be great. They're both funny guys. But I can't quite celebrate this news yet. I just need a week or two to get over the fact that Hugh "Best Host Ever" Jackman won't be returning. I suppose that means the Craigslist Dancers won't be back either. *sniff*
Can You Tell Me How To Get To That 40th Anniversary Party? - Hugh Jackman (and Paul Rudd!) will be appearing on Sesame Street this season, as the show celebrates 40 years on TV. The anniversary show, guest-starring Michelle Obama, will air next Tuesday. In honor of this milestone, please enjoy my favorite Sesame Street video ever, the classic "Born to Add" by Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band. (I mentioned it and my general love of Sesame Street once before in this ancient post.)
And Cookie Monster sez...
"C is for caption contest. Don't forget to enter this month's! Me want funny captions!!"
Look, people. When you don't read and comment on my Starpulse recaps, you shame me. And I don't take kindly to shaming. So, you know, either take a few minutes to check out my write-ups, or spend the next few days having your soul tortured and then eventually get dragged to hell. Your choice.
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New On The Juke
The Horrors' new single (mixed by Damon Albarn) drops Nov. 2.
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.
I've always had quite an affection for this song, which kind of makes me feel like a bumpkin. Although it was fairly popular back when it came out in 1987, probably the only place you'd hear this tune now is blaring out of this guy's truck window. -->
