Saturday, April 18, 2009

Well, If The Whole World is Talking About Her...

Between my Easter "vacation," trying to sort out my sleep schedule, working, and re-designing the blog, I haven't had a chance to mention the newest Internet sensation - Susan Boyle of Britain's Got Talent.

If you are one of the few people on the planet who doesn't know who she is, check out her performance of "I Dreamed a Dream." I can't post it here, as embedding has been disabled on every video clip I've tried. (I blame Piers Morgan for that. Just because he's a dick.)

So, I will go on record, even though it may destroy my reputation as a hard-ass, and say that this brought a tear to my eye the first time I heard it. Not really because I was so happy to see this lady floor everyone (although that was surely part of it), but mainly because I can't hear a song from Les Misérables without getting all weepy. And this one happens to be one of the more depressing (and beautiful) ones.

Now, millions of posts have been made about Susan, so I'm not going to pile on further and repeat what everyone else has said. Instead, I'd like to rebuild my reputation as a hard-ass by focusing on some other people.

  • To the eye-rolling emo brat at :46 - You look like a whore with all that paint on your face. What are you, 13? Please go soak in a tub of cold cream for an hour. Oh, and do something about that horrible helmet hair.
  • To the girl making a stinkface at :56 - You're like a cross between Gerard Depardieu and a character from Wallace and Gromit. Are those your teeth, or did you just empty a whole box of Chiclets into your mouth?
Neither of you little snot-nosed punks have any right to feel so superior. I guess the lesson here is, if there's a chance that you'll be caught on TV making fun of someone else's appearance, you might want to try to look better. A lot better.

Also, to the audience: I'm sure you think you're being nice when you're constantly applauding while someone is singing, but you're wrong. It's actually pretty rude and annoying, because no one can actually hear the person sing. I realize that, to encourage your enthusiasm, the producers of BGT probably give you all Leona Lewis CDs and those disgusting creme eggs that the Brits like so much. But that doesn't mean that you should never stop screaming.

Finally, to the two goofball hosts: When you're not "hosting," zip it. For all of Ryan Seacrest's faults, he at least knows how to shut up when people are performing.

I guess I should end on a slightly less grumpy note here, eh? Okay.

I love you, Susan Boyle! You go, girl! You remind me slightly of Mrs. Hoggett from Babe. I love her. If there is ever a Babe 3 (and if the Vin Diesel Go Fast series is already in its 4th unwanted and unnecessary installment, there had damn well better be another Babe movie in the works), I hope you'll be in it. But, more than that, I hope you get a part in Les Miz when it comes back to Broadway (which will be soon, hopefully) so that I can go and cry and snot all over the guy next to me.

P.S. Why does Simon never look at me like that??


SkylersDad said...

I did a post (short as it was) about her when I heard about her. I just love these stories, and I always get misty with Le Miz!

Wings said...

It is truly heartening to see someone who seems geniuely shocked and surprised at attention. And it is attention which she rightfully earns for that outstanding performance.

It is so easy to be eternally cynical these days. We need more truly talented, truly worthy people like Susan Boyle.

Keep your Jonas boys, your Britneys, your Hiltons and Lohans. I'll take Ms. Boyle any day.

Dr Zibbs said...

I just hate every song from that play.

Greg said...

Ditto on the emo brat. You could tell the producers were really focusing on everyone's reactions, but her smarky face made me especially angry.

Stupid Piers.

Soda and Candy said...

Ugh, the format of that show irritates me. No doubt they think it enhances the experience to have those twats interrupting every performance. Morons.


*shakes head sadly* It's like I don't even know you any more. Those things are pure manna from heaven.

FranIAm said...

BeckEye - you are my hero. I love the new look but will comment about that at the appropriate post.

First of all, your comments at my blog made me cry. And you are my only link to the world of reality television... You are my trusted source to something I otherwise have no interest in. You make it interesting to me.

You were not a bully or mean either, you were right on sarcastic target and there is a big difference. In fact I started to laugh when I read that part.

To me the biggest thing about this woman is not just her voice - which is lovely, or her appearance - which is a big commentary on the collective judgment of the world, but rather her tremendous dignity, which was very moving to me.

FranIAm said...

Oh one more thing BeckEye, about those creme eggs...

(my word is aunle. is that some transgendered brother/sister of one's parents?)

cube said...

I love this story. I hope only the best for Susan Boyle.

In case you're interested, one of my readers sent me a link to a song Susan sang for a charity event in 1999.

Cry Me A River What a rich, soulful voice she has and notice that she doesn't oversing like most singers nowadays.

words...words...words... said...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Meh.

If she were pretty, nobody would think her singing was something extraordinary. So I think it's actually patronizing to find it extraordinary.

Also, the two asshats in the wings need to die in a fire.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Ooh, badmouthing Ant and Dec? That's pretty much banned you from travelling to England. They're national treasures over there. Seriously, insulting those guys is punishable by getting a kneecapping from the Queen.

Dale said...

While there is never an excuse for eyebrows like that, I love you Susan Boyle. Yesterday, I needed to motivate myself somehow to clean house so I threw on Les Miz which I hadn't heard in a zillion years and it propelled me a little.

Those creme eggs are a bit gross but if you put them in front of me, I'll eat them.

mike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mike said...

yeah, that Susan Boyle dude is a pretty good singer.

I hope he wins Flavor Flav's love or whatever it is these shows are about.

Flannery Alden said...

Simon was so adorable in that clip. I could almost see the little hearts floating around his head. His reaction reinforced something for me: He really loves music and will give it all up for you if you do it right.

Distributorcap said...

susan boyle (besides those incredible pipes!) did more to attention to the judgemental nature of pop culture than anyone has ever done before

the perfect cinderella story

she was just wonderful (and i hate that play) - and amazing. and she proves that you can really be the show stopper and not have to look like Beyonce Knowles

you go susan! you rock

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Have you tried singing and dancing in front of Simon? That might work.

Gawd, people are sure obsessed with beauty aren't they? ijiots!

That said, I am loving the new layout, that is a thing of beauty worth noting.

Gwen said...

Love, love, love the new layout. Fabulously retro and lovely!

I'd heard rumblings around the 'nets about this gal but didn't put much stock into the recommendations until you said to check it out. She's delightful - I got a wee bit weepy.

dguzman said...

I challenge anyone with a soul to watch Boyle's clip and NOT get weepy.

Did you hear that when Boyle was on Oprah (or some other talk show) that Patty Lupone called in and congratulated her? How awesome is that!?

Kimizzy said...

I love her too! :) Although Simon is looking wistfully at her, he secretly wants her to jazz her appearance up a bit. Go screw yourself, Cowell. She's fine the way she is. In fact, it adds to her charm, I think. :)

catherinette said...

Let's all get t-shirts made that have pictures of her fugly mug and say "I dreamed a dream that you waxed your eyebrows.

What do you say?

Bond said...

She is almost as big a star as Paul Potts...

Cora said...

Ooh! Nice new layout! Me likey.

That look on Simon's face when he's smiling with his face in his hands just SLAYS me. Who knew he had the ability to look so uber cheesy?! I LOVE IT!!

Alice said...

haha, i thought the same thing about those emo brats. GO WASH YOUR FACE. AND THAT SNEER OFF YOUR FACE, while you're at it. young lady. and stay off my lawn. /curmudgeon

Gifted Typist said...

Just wrote Friday's column on that subject - more or less concurring with you. Pop by on Friday for the linkity link

Tootsie said...

Just goes to show how superficial people are....she's not gorgeous so she can't be any good. Way to go Susan.

Bubs said...

Thank you for pointing out the girls at :46 and :56. Gave me an excuse to watch it again. Little jerks.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine