The Year in Reality TV

Let the recaps begin!

As you all know, I'm completely addicted to television. As for reality TV shows, I always have the best intentions to avoid them but end up getting sucked in to way too many of them. I don't know what the future of reality TV is. In five years, it will either replace every scripted show (although many reality shows are more scripted than scripted shows) or it will finally fizzle out.

Since I've watched my fair share, I thought I'd do a brief recap of the best and worst of reality TV this year. Hopefully I have enough brain cells left.

Best Reality Show: American Idol - There's no beating or stopping the reality juggernaut that is AI. It's really created the template for every talent show to come after it and, unlike a lot of reality shows now, there really does seem to be a point to it. If the only two true mega-stars that it creates are Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, that would probably be more than any other talent show has done. Even the runners-up from AI seem to do better than the winners on most other shows. Does anyone know what the girls from America's Top Model are doing now? Has anyone seen a Broadway show starring a So You Think You Can Dance contestant? Probably not. Like it or not, American Idol is here to stay and it's only threatening to become more powerful as the years go by. It doesn't even matter that last year's winner, Jordin Sparks, was a total dud. Everyone in the world is still looking forward to the new season, which starts in January. I know you're all looking forward to a new season of my recaps, right? Right??

Worst Reality Show: A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila - Ok, so I admit that I didn't actually watch this garbage. I did try for about 10 minutes sheerly out of morbid curiosity, but it wasn't even train-wreck funny enough to keep my attention. It just made my stomach turn. It's yet another dating show starring a supposedly bisexual bimbo who is famous for whoring herself out on MySpace and making horrible music. I say "supposedly bisexual" because her final two contestants were a dude and a chick who may as well have been a dude. Then she picked the dude. I would've given MTV points for being progressive under other circumstances, but I think the whole bisexual slant was just a gimmick to get more viewers. I don't doubt that Tila would've made out with a donkey if the MTV execs had asked her.

Best New Reality Show: America's Most Smartest Model - I know I haven't blogged about this show at all, but I was totally hooked. It boasted some truly hot guys, some pathetically stupid girls, and Ben Stein. I'm not sure why any serious models wanted this awful title, but I'm sure that being on TV didn't hurt them any.

Old Reality Show That Needs to Hang it Up: The Real World - It's the show that started the reality TV craze, back when it was much more "real." The first season had a raw feel to it because no one really knew what they were doing or what to expect, and even Seasons 2 and 3 were pretty true to the original concept. But, as it's become more popular and reality TV has become more "shocking," this pioneering show has morphed into something that's anything but real. The only bad thing about this show ending would be that the Real World/Road Rules Challenges might also come to an end, and I love those.

Most Disappointing Reality Show: The Two Coreys - As an '80s kid, I was really looking forward to this show. I found it mildly amusing when it started, but then I completely lost interest after the 2nd week. Feldman was annoying, his wife was even more so, and Haim was just tragic. Then I heard that a lot of the show was scripted and I really gave up on it. I don't know why the "scripted" thing surprised me, but it did. I guess I expected more from '80s icons!

Best Reality Star: Andre Birleanu, America's Most Smartest Model - At the beginning of the season, I didn't really like this guy. He just seemed like a conceited, rude jerk from Russia who thought all Americans were pigs. As the show progressed though, Andre turned into the true star. The things he said were absolutely hilarious and he was obviously having a good time messing with everyone. He also taught me that the word "Soviet" can be a noun, verb, adjective or adverb. The only thing I wish he would've said? "I must break you." That would've been beautiful. Like his body. Soviet!!

Hottest Male Reality Star: Brett Novek, America's Most Smartest Model - If I could create my perfect man in a lab (someone please let me know when that service is available) he would look pretty damn close to Brett. And, oddly enough, Brett is my favorite male name. So, perfect name, perfect face, perfect teeth, perfect hair, perfect body, sweet personality...this guy is just a glorious piece of ass meat art. I was pretty bummed when he got voted off. He definitely should've won, instead of that jerk, VJ, who looks like something that fell out of Tom Cruise's ass.

Hottest Female Reality Star: Sarah Hartshorne, America's Next Top Model - This picture is actually before Sarah's ANTM makeover, and even though I liked the short, messy crop they gave her, she looked much better as a brunette. As you're looking at the photo, keep in mind that Sarah was brought on the show as the plus-size model. And the camera adds ten pounds. Oh, and then she got kicked off because she wasn't "plus-size" enough. The judges were upset that Sarah looked like she had lost weight and had become - horror of horrors - a normal-size girl! Whatever size she was, she was gorgeous and seemed to be the nicest girl of the bunch.

Scariest Reality Star: Sister Patterson, I Love New York - I don't watch this show either, but I'm quite familiar with New York's mom from watching Flavor of Love. This "woman" scares the beejeezuz out of me. I'm still waiting for Mike Meyers to show up and pull her wig off while yelling, "It's a man, baby!" Now, that's an episode that would pull in millions more viewers.

Best Illustration of Reality TV's Hold on America - When looking for a picture of New York's mom, I typed "I Love New York" in the Yahoo! search engine. The first two results on the search page were related to the TV show. The New York Board of Tourism came in third. Sigh.