Benji, The Punted

Let's all bow our heads in a moment of silence for Paris Hilton and Benji Madden.

I know it hurts. Their love grew inside of us for 9 months, and now we have to give it up. It's not what we wanted, but it's for the best. And maybe we'll learn from this. Maybe we'll all be a little more responsible the next time a celebutard couple comes along and promises us forever. Maybe we'll learn to protect ourselves and use a little restraint before giving up our hearts, bodies, and souls to these smooth-talkers, so that we won't have to experience this kind of pain again.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I hope it's because they died and not just broke up. Yeah, I can be mean like that.
11/20/2008 2:13 PM
Barbara Bruederlin said…
Poobomber's astute comment just knocked mine right out of my head. I second that!
11/20/2008 2:57 PM
Falwless said…
I had just stopped crying and then you had to go and bring it up again.
11/20/2008 3:00 PM
Red said…
Love the post title. Ah, you and your puns.
11/20/2008 3:46 PM
deadspot said…
Paris hooked up with Samantha Ronson?
11/20/2008 3:46 PM
SouthernBelle said…
In that photo, it looks like poor old Benji had the life sucked out of him by this relationship. He used to be fatter and cheerier. Or am I thinking of the other one?
11/20/2008 3:50 PM
The Imaginary Reviewer said…
Oh God. Oh God, no. Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh...oh no.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I thought I could keep it together, but...oh God.

Oh God, no.
11/20/2008 4:05 PM
words...words...words... said…
I'm trying to determine the big winner here. Paris? No. Benji? No. We, the entertainment consuming public? Sort of. Their potential unborn child? YES.
11/20/2008 4:12 PM
Andy - Instafather said…
Wait, does Paris need a new show called Paris Hilton's New BF? Is she going to have auditions for all the people in her life?
11/20/2008 5:08 PM
paperback reader said…
I can't believe I let them hit it raw dog like that.

Never again.
11/20/2008 6:13 PM
Malcolm said…
Although I couldn't care less about Paris and Benji, I did want to say props to you for the wicked post title.
11/20/2008 6:21 PM
SkylersDad said…
Can't the black ops helicopters just swoop down and take Paris to Gitmo once and for all?
11/20/2008 6:36 PM
Scott said…
i had no idea they were together. what a strange couple!
11/20/2008 8:15 PM
Fancy Schmancy said…
I just found out about this travesty myself. I really thought he was the love of her life, and would keep her out of the public fucking eye once and for all! Does this mean Paris is going to rape all future headlines, again? Oh no, does this mean Nicole and Joel are going to break up also? What am I going to do?!:!
11/20/2008 8:41 PM
David Amulet said…
Benji who? This story justifies my lack of attention to most celebrity relationships.
11/21/2008 6:29 AM
katrocket said…
I blame Stavros!
11/21/2008 8:12 AM
Anonymous said…
It's a good thing I don't allow my emotions to get tied up such things as celebrity relationships. Who's Benji Madden? Hell, who is Paris Hilton, really?
11/23/2008 10:57 AM
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