American Idol 8: Too Bad The Terminal Isn't Known For Its Soundtrack

In case you're wondering about the odd post title - I was supposed to be returning to New York tonight after a long Easter weekend in Pittsburgh. First of all, I don't know why I have this habit of scheduling flights that interfere with my Idol viewing. Secondly, I don't know why I always forget that no flight back to New York is ever on time. I think if more than two flights into any NYC airport arrive on time on any given day, the fabric of the universe will unravel.

Anyway, here I am, still in Pittsburgh since my 6:45 pm flight was possibly going to take off after midnight. And they weren't even sure about that. So, after waiting around for two hours with the possibility of facing at least four more, I booked a seat on the freaking 5:45 am flight back tomorrow so I can still make it to work. Not only am I aggravated by all of this nonsense, but also because I had to miss AI for no reason. Tonight's show better have been good. (From what I've seen in some other recaps, it wasn't.)

Hopefully, Paula didn't do anything spectacularly bizarre tonight in between performances, because I can only base my recap on the performance/critique videos.

Two interesting things about tonight:
1. All the contestants are hanging on guest mentor, Quentin Tarantino's, every word, mistaking his psychotic energy for musical knowledge.
2. The judges' comments have been limited due to Paula and Kara's inability to stay on topic and keep their blathering to a minimum. Therefore, each contestant will only get critiqued by two of the judges.

Allison Iraheta...why? You're one of my favorites. Why would you do this to me? You're seriously gonna sing that love song to an asteroid? NOOO!

I knew I wouldn't escape "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" on movie song night. Still, I thought Hokey or Giraud would do it. I expected better of Allison. And, even though the girl can "sing the phone book," as they like to say, this is way overdone. Honestly, I wouldn't have cared if Allison had pulled out the greatest vocal ever heard by human ears. I would have still hated it because the song is pure evil. Hasn't anyone figured this out yet? Come on, it's the theme song to Armageddon! Armageddon, people! Diane Warren is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse! The end is near! THE END IS NEAR!!

By the way, Paula claims that Allison possesses the same "special sauce" as Adam. Heh. Not quite. But Simon is right when he says that Li'l Red is the girls' only hope in the competition.

Anoop Desai airs out the other stale, overdone, overwrought ballad that was guaranteed to make an appearance tonight, Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)." This is all very nice and in tune, but I'm bored stiff. Randy and Kara both think it's great, and Kara even feels an emotional connection to Anoop. She must be daydreaming about him swinging across the stage in his green tights and swooping her up in his big frat boy arms.

It's unfortunate that Adam Lambert doesn't sing "A View to a Kill" or anything from Xanadu or The Rocky Horror Picture Show, because that would've made my life. For some reason, he chooses "Born to Be Wild" from Easy Rider, but still rocks it out and vamps it up. The Glam One can sing anything. Simon thinks that it was good, but like something out of Rocky Horror, so I guess he didn't actually have to sing a song from the show to get that vibe across. (I didn't feel that. I just think Simon automatically hears "Sweet Transvestite" in his head when he sees a guy wearing makeup and black nail polish.) Paula jumps up and down like she's at a pep rally and says that what makes Adam great is that he dares to dance in the path of greatness. Is that a quote from a David Lynch movie or something?

Matt Giraud takes us back to boring Bryan ballad land with "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" (Ryan stands in the wings during the performance, vehemently shaking his head no.) This actually doesn't start out bad, but as soon as Matt starts reaching for those high notes, especially during the painful bridge, it quickly falls apart. Randy says that it wasn't one of Matt's best, and Kara assumes that since the judges' comments were cut down, that means that she can prattle on for the length of time it would normally take for all four of them to chime in. While Simon sits there mocking her, she goes on and on about how Matt keeps going back and forth between rock and soul. This is exactly what they did to my beloved Michael Johns - jumped down his throat every time he sang a rock song. However, there are some major differences here. First of all, this lonely housewife anthem is NOT a "rock" song. Secondly, Matt is not nearly as good a singer as Michael Johns. Thirdly, and most importantly, Michael Johns is sex on a stick and Matt Giraud is the missing link. (Okay, so maybe #3 wasn't the most important point, but it was worth mentioning anyway.)

OH MY GOD. Everyone but Adam so far has picked a ballad! Danny Gokey certainly isn't about to buck the trend, opting for the Lionel Richie/Diana Ross duet, "Endless Love," from the very crappy Brooke Shields movie of the same name. Quentin tells him to put his emotion into his eyes instead of his hands. (If Tyra Banks is watching this, she is nodding in approval.) Danny still does the annoying "reach out" gestures, but he ditches the stupid glasses so everyone can have a better view into his soul. Apparently, his soul feels squinty. Danny, Ryan, and the judges manage to get through the song and critiques without mentioning you-know-who, but Danny looks up to Heaven at the end of the song and Simon congratulates him for singing a song that was obviously emotional and personal for him, so that counts as wife pimpage. The vocal itself isn't horrible, although there are some pretty wobbly notes, especially the high ones.

Kris Allen sings the Academy Award-winning song from Once, "Falling Slowly," which impresses Quentin, who says that Kris lived up to the spirit of the theme by picking a song from a movie that meant something to him. I'm so sick of ballads at this point, but Kris does a pretty good job. Unlike Matt, he always seems to be able to hit the high notes. In his video package, he mentioned that he was going back and forth on whether or not to play an instrument and he ultimately chose not to. I think he should have played the piano because this is a real singer-songwriter tune, not some standard-issue love song. I think it would have just felt more real had he been behind the piano, or even playing guitar. Still, I liked it for the most part. Randy and Kara split, with The Dawg not digging it at all, and Kara proclaiming it one of Kris's best moments ever.

They're speeding through the critiques now. How is it that they're STILL running late? Maybe they should just let Simon critique everyone and send the other three to the bar. Paula's friends with the bartender, so I'm sure they'd be well taken care of.

Quentin thinks that Lil Rounds' version of "The Rose" is fantastic, which makes me think he was probably writing scenes for his next movie in his head while she was singing. He could NOT have been listening to that. Wow. She is seriously all over the place. How did she get the pimp spot with this mess? Lil says that she wanted to give the song a "more gospel" feel. If that's gospel music, I no longer feel badly about not going to church. Paula critiques Lil by not really critiquing her, so she obviously thinks it was bad. Simon tells Lil that she isn't the artist he thought she was, which prompts back-sass from Lil, complete with some furious head bobbing. Clearly, she wants to stab him and, although I don't blame most of these contestants for finally reaching their limits with the judges, the back talk usually always results in an elimination. Unless your name is David Cook.

In the future, TPTB should put a limit on the number of ballads allowed per evening. Seriously. This was a ridiculously boring night. If it had been a movie, I would've demanded my $12 back.

Tomorrow night, Allison, Matt, and Lil should find themselves in the Bottom 3. Allison will fall victim to the lead-off spot of doom, and Matt and Lil will be victims of their own bad singing. The results show will end with the curtain falling on Lil Rounds.


Watch video clips of tonight's performances on MJ's Big Blog.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksalot.