Tuesday, April 06, 2010

American Idol 9: Cellos and Didgeridoos and Bagpipes, Oh My

Near the top of tonight's American Idol, Ryan reminds the viewers that Lennon/McCartney Night was a "standout episode" of Season 7, but neglects to mention that it stood out for all the wrong reasons: Little Lord Archuleroy flubbing his lyrics, Stripper Hernandez's oozing cheese, Syesha's Syeshaness and, most of all, Kristy Lee Cook's faux-bluegrass version of "Eight Days a Week," that will forever be remembered as one of the worst Idol performances EVER. Hmm, but you know what? Looking back at my recap of that night, there were some really good performances, too—chief among them, the two big surprises from Chikezie and Amanda Overmyer and David Cook's "Eleanor Rigby." Oh, and then there was some Australian guy I kinda liked. (What obsession? I don't know what you people are talking about.)

So, this long and winding intro is here to basically point out that I seem to complain every year about the lack of talent on this show, but there really have been some entertaining and genuinely talented contestants through the years. And maybe one day I'll feel the same warmth for this pack of kids as I do for those from seasons past...but don't hold your breath.

Anyhoo...the plundering of the Lennon/McCartney songbook continues tonight, and although the contestants don't get a mentor, they receive Sir Macca's pre-taped blessing.

For tonight's video packages, all of the contestants take turns describing each other. This should be stunning.

Aaron Kelly is up first, and we learn that his nickname is Yoda and that he's ONLY 16. One of those things we already knew, and one of those we probably could have guessed. It also wasn't hard to guess that Aaron would choose a ballad tonight. He makes "The Long and Winding Road" feel about 30 miles longer, and I'm very happy when he finally gets to the end. It's not that he didn't sing it well; it was just a total snooze. Randy nearly fell asleep and I must have nodded off for a few minutes, too, because I have no idea what Ellen or Kara said. Simon thinks the performance was "old fashioned and boring," which elicits the loudest boo I've ever heard from some random guy in the audience. Really? He wasted that on Aaron? Weird.

The annoying "backstage cam" feature continues. Because I think the entire world mentioned how stupid it was last week, and FOX really cares about its audience.

Katie Stevens can do the "Single Ladies" dance. (So can the football team from Glee. GLEE! RETURNING NEXT WEEK!!) This may be one of many reasons why she's received requests from five lonely boys to be their prom date. Smart girl that she is, she offers to go to prom with whoever votes for her the most (and can prove it with a phone bill). Awww, what a sweet little vote hooker. She sings "Let It Be," and while I'm happy that she's finally picked a song that she actually knows, I still think she's kind of pitchy and even a bit nasally. Some of it is actually really hard on the ears. But for some reason, the judges give her rave reviews. Hmm. I smell something fishy here. There are only three girls left, and Katie is constantly in the Bottom 3, so I think they are trying to save her. There is no way they all thought that performance was that good.

Before the break, Andrew Garcia was squatting on the edge of the stage like he was going to take a giant dump, and when it's his turn to perform, he does just that! Holy Lord, this version of "Can't Buy Me Love" is about as cornball as it gets. And what's up with his hair? Man, with that pompadour and the acoustic guitar, this is like a scene from a live-action remake of Rock-A-Doodle. All the judges think Kim Jong Gokey's performance is corny also, except for Ellen who loves it for no good reason.

By the way, has anyone noticed that Katie and Andrew ALWAYS perform back-to-back? What is that about? I'll have to come up with a bizarre conspiracy theory at some point.

The contestants are saying things about Michael Lynche that are supposed to be interesting and funny, but are neither. On to the song. He attempts "Eleanor Rigby," and avoids all comparisons to David Cook's version by funking it up a bit. I like it. It seems like either Michael's performance overshadows his vocals (ex: "Miss You") or the vocals overshadow the peformance (ex: "This Woman's Work"), but I think this week, his performance and vocals were evenly matched. Randy thinks Big Mike is to the point where he can do whatever he wants on the show, and Ellen thinks Michael is "incredible." Kara says, "That was fire," proving that critiquing is so simple, even a caveman can do it. Simon isn't as in love with Big Mike's performance as everyone else, claiming that it's the "sort of thing you see and hear in musicals," which, as we all know by now, is Cowell's homophobocode for "Gay, gay, GAY, GAY! MAKE IT STOP!" But Michael doesn't make it stop, by insinuating that Simon wants to challenge him to a "pec contest." I don't know. Insert moob joke here.

What do the Idols think of Crystal Bowersox? Well, they call her Mama Sox because she's a mother AND she's mothering. Fascinating. I'm learning so much tonight. Dreadsocks™ has a bit of a cold, which can be her excuse if she blows it tonight, but when has she ever needed an excuse? Uh, turns out tonight, but I'm apparently the only one who thinks so. I'm just not feeling her version of "Come Together." I may be slightly biased because this is one of my least favorite Beatles songs, but honestly, this sounds like a mess to me. And this is surprising because I figured, out of anyone, Crystal would have the easiest time this week. But I think the vocal and the arrangement both suck. And there are parts where she doesn't seem to know the chords well enough and she's not even singing into the microphone. I do like the dude playing the didgeridoo, but he's the only good part. However, the judges give Crystal yet another tongue bath. Considering the praise they heaped on Katie and now this, I'm starting to wonder if Paula snuck in and slipped her crazy pills into everyone's drinks.

Pssst. The Idols want you to know something about Tim Urban. He's always smiling. NO SHIT. Smiley Teflon Tim takes the stage to sing "All My Loving," with his electric guitar in hand. Simon already looks terrified. But Simon may be surprised here, because Tim is doing a great job. Personally, I like this better than Crystal's performance. The Dawg takes this opportunity to be a complete asshole and tell Tim that he has to rate him on a different scale, saying this is a "good Tim performance." (But, for Randy, that was a good Randy critique, because he actually used real words that made sense.) Ellen and Kara give Tim some props, and Simon actually pooh-pooh's Randy's idiotic "Tim scale" and says that it was just a good performance. He also commends Tim for handling criticism like a real man. I'm not sure if Cowell really means all this or if he's trying to use that reverse psychology again to lull Tim's fans into a false sense of security. Don't fall for it, people! Vote for Timmeh!!

To celebrate Bones' 100th episode, FOX got David Boreanaz and the Deschanel who's not Zooey seats to the show...right next to Lacey Brown. Not sure if that's a punishment or reward.

Casey James, the resident hunk, has decided to slow things down a bit tonight with John Lennon's "Jealous Guy." It's just Casey, his acoustic guitar, and a cellist. And while there are a few tiny goat bleats in there, this is by far the best performance of the night. I actually agree with The Dawg's assessment this time, that Casey's vocal might not have been technically perfect, but was "sensitive and heartfelt." All the judges love him, and Simon also calls Casey the best of the night. So far. Two left to go.

In another duh moment, the Idols tell us that Siobhan Magnus is "weird." What is wrong with these kids? We know all this stuff!! Even when they're not on stage, these people are dull. Anyway, Siobhan takes the stage in one of Tammy Wynette's old, torn up bedskirts and sits in a very unladlylike position for her cover of "Across The Universe." She's very reserved tonight, but I'm thankful to have one week without the scream. I don't think she's nailing this song like she did "Wicked Game," but she does a pretty good job, especially toward the end. Randy likes the "tender side" of Siobhan, as do Ellen and Kara. I think. I wasn't really paying attention to them. Simon likes Siobhan's unpredictability, so he must have loved when she got all weepy after he asked a rather simple question about what that song meant to her. The loud guy in the audience—now revealed as "Earl"—makes another appearance, and is allowed to come up onstage and fondle Siobhan.

We finally learn something interesting about one of the contestants. Lee Dewyze is besties with Andrew Garcia and, according to Crystal, the two are going to "get married and have Danny Gokey babies." *snort* (Oh, Dreadsocks. I want to take back my bad review of you now, but I've gotta judge you on your performance and not that awesome comment. Sorry.) Lee gets the pimp spot, probably because he's singing the ultimate end-of-the-night song, "Hey Jude." Unfortunately, Lee makes me wish the night ended a few minutes earlier. I'm sorry, but this is another instance in which the judges must have magical fairy dust sprinkled in their ears because this performance is average at best. And I like Lee. I like bagpipes too, but when a lone bagpiper comes down the giant lucite stairs during the "na-na-na-na" part, I can't believe my eyes. And the judges just eat it up with a spoon. Well, Simon also thinks the bagpiper was too much, but still thinks everything up to that point was fine. It wasn't. As they were with Crystal, I think the judges are on autopilot with Lee at this point.

So, who will go home tomorrow? As I mentioned during Katie's critique, there are only three girls left and three girls in a row have been eliminated. I think TPTB definitely want to thin out the male herd, and I'm predicting a Bottom 3 sausagefest. The uncomfortable stools will be filled by Aaron, Andrew and Tim, and Lee's gonna be left brokenhearted when Andrew is finally sent packing.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.


carissajaded said...

All I can say is that they should NEVER. EVER. EVER. let the kids on American Idol ruin the Beatles again. EVER. EVEREVEREVEREVEREVER.

Ian said...

I think you mixed up Season 7's Lennon-McCartney Night with its Beatles Night. It's OK though, because you managed to work in a reference to Rock-a-Doodle. I thought I was the only person left in the world who remembered that movie.

Counting my own, this is the fifth prediction I've seen of a Tim-Aaron-Andrew Bottom 3, and all of them have either Aaron or Andrew leaving. I think it'll be Aaron, but if it's Andrew I certainly won't be complaining. After I spent ten minutes voting like a loser for Tim it'd better not be him!

I'm also glad to see I'm not the only one who thought Crystal wasn't up to her usual level this week. The judges need to tone it down with her.

Kristi Mantoni said...

Either we're getting really good at picking the bottom or we're both completely wrong. I hope it's the former!!! Bye bye, Andrew!!!

DrillerAA09 said...

I don't see Aaron going home just yet, so it will be Andrew in the cab to LAX this evening.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I TOTALLY AGREE! Katie's performance blew, and they all loved it for some reason. Also, I'm tired of them slamming the Hispanic guy with the big glasses. He does really interesting, fun versions of songs with his own arrangements, and that actually takes some talent. I sometimes think Big Mike gets too much credit, and at first his version of Elanor Rigby was kind of just weird, but the second half was really awesome. Overall, most everyone did good this week.

Jenna said...

I have a friend who used to refer to Emily as "Lesser Deschanel." That always cracked me up. Pity they had to torment the poor cast of Bones like that.

elaine said...

I really like Siobhan, but I did not particularly care for her version of Across the Universe, which is one of my favorite songs of all time. Didn't some really hot guy sing it a while back on AI? (just joking - I know it was Michael Johns) For some reason, her version sounded almost identical to Sheena Easton's Almost Over You, which is quite the guilty pleasure of mine but is still not what I was expecting for Lennon / McCartney week.

I almost gagged when Katie said she was singing Let It Be. I really wanted somebody less pitchy and with more emotion to perform it.

red said...

Excellent Photoshop...and that comment about Gokey babies is hilarious!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I'm with you on Andrew.:( I kind of like him and I keep wanting him to floor me.

Anyway, I thought they were actually good last night. Shocker!
Good, I did not say great. but what was great was Casey's performance. I got lost in it and forgot where I was for a moment. No shit.

BeckEye said...

Carissa - Well, this show might not be around much longer. But something worse will come along.

Ian - No confusion here. Both nights in Season 7 were kind of lame, but Lennon/McCartney night was definitely the night of the "Eight Days a Week" debacle. And all the other songs I mentioned were from that night. The only thing I really remember from Beatles night was Carly's cover of "Blackbird," which I really liked, Brooke White's ridiculous dancing during "Here Comes the Sun," and the judges giving Michael Johns shit for doing "A Day in the Life," which was actually kind of a bad choice. Glad you enjoyed the Rock-A-Doodle reference, though!

Kristi - We're probably both completely wrong. My predictions suck this year!

DrillerAA09 - Agreed.

Dr. N - Well, I agree with your agreement on Katie's performance, but I can't agree with your Garcia love. I just think he's a one-note performer.

Jenna - Ha ha ha. My best friend loves the lesser Deschanel because she watches that show. She's the only person in the universe who "hates" Zooey.

Elaine - I can totally hear that. I used to sing that Sheena Easton song into my hairbrush quite a bit when I was a kid. I much preferred Michael Johns' version of "Across the Universe."

Red - Thanks, and I'm sure Dreadsocks thanks you, too.

Candy - There were definitely some good performances, but overall it was kind of a meh night for me, dawg.

angelof_mercy81 said...

The comment about the Danny Gokey babies was hilarious. Who knew that Crystal had such a wicked sense of humor?

And Carissa, I'm with you: No more Beatles songbook. Ever. I still haven't recovered from KLC's butchering of "Eight Days a Week." *shudder*

words...words...words... said...

I'm sorry, I don't have time to comment. I have to go re-enroll in high school and vote for Katie two million times.

Penny said...

Idol is redick...but GLEE!!! Can't wait for Glee to return!!

Term Papers said...

American Idols are not only a idol its a future of the country.
all of are doing great & fabulous.


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