American Idol 11: 4/5/12 Results

I think I'll be sticking with the Good/Bad/Ugly format for recapping the American Idol results shows. No need to drag it out into a needlessly lengthy process. And that is a sentence the AI producers have NEVER said.

The Good:

• The skeleton of Kellie Pickler performed a new song about Tammy Wynette, and I actually quite liked it. Kellie sounded good and she didn't come off as annoying as she used to. But damn, girl needs a sandwich.
• Phillip(s) responding to Jimmy's critique by saying that running out and touching the audience's hands kind of made me love him. Especially because it had nothing to do with Jimmy's comments, which were more about Phillip(s)'s habit of singing everything the same way all the time. Oh, what a pretty, dumb thing he is. I wonder if he's a germophobe, like Howie Mandel? He's such a rube; he probably thinks you can catch kidney stones from hand-to-hand contact.
• I had the Bottom 3 (DeAndre, Hollie and Elise) right!
• Even though he wasn't my pick to go, Simba Brackensick was booted off Pride Rock. Can't say I'll miss him. We all know that J.Lo will.

The Bad:

• J.Lo's new video for "Dance Again" premiered, and sweet holy hell was it terrible. It wasn't as grating as "On the Floor" (hmm, I'm getting the feeling that she likes to dance) but her voice was so Auto-tuned and propped up by studio magic that it didn't even sound like a human being. I did get a good chuckle when Jen said she loved the song's "message." Because from what I could tell, the message was: Abandon your clothes for body glitter and get up on some younger dude. Uh...OK, I guess that's not a TERRIBLE message, now that I think about it.
• After Jimmy said that Jessica's performance wasn't as good as it could have been, Jessica claimed that there weren't many songs from the '80s that fit her voice. Oh, sure. Not one song was written in that entire ten-year period that's worthy of being sung by her special voice. I think she's a good singer, but she really makes it difficult to like her. Someone needs to break the news to her that she's just a J-Hud soundalike with none of J-Hud's charisma.
• I had no idea who The Wanted were when Seacrest introduced them, but to my surprise, I actually recognized the song they were singing. I've already forgotten how it goes, though. The song was catchy enough, but the performance was just annoying. At first, I thought they'd given the Idiot Pit some Five Hour Energy martinis, but they were actually professional dancers. The Idiot Pit was just over a few feet, still comprised of the same rhythmically challenged...well...idiots. Hence the name.

The Ugly:

• Those punks did NOT just deadpan their way through a fabulous Supergrass song for that Ford commercial. Did they? No, they couldn't have. I refuse to believe that happened.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.