Sunday, July 03, 2005

Happy "We Kicked Your British Arses" Day!

There will be no entries from me until after Tuesday, as I'll be in Harrisburg for Independence Day. I figured since it's such a patriotic day, I needed to be in the state capital. (Actually, I'm just going to visit my best pal. But the first reason made me sound like a kick-ass, if not obsessive, patriot.) Anyway, here are 4 things you can do on the 4th:

Watch fireworks. Duh. And if you're lucky enough to live anywhere but Pennsylvania, you can set off your own. I don't know if fireworks are illegal in any other states and I'm too lazy to look that info up. But PA sucks, man. We can't get beer at the gas station and we don't have immediate access to roman candles. So much for the American Dream. They finally made sparklers legal here. Hooray! Now I can stand out on my porch like a moron, waving a burning stick around.

Go swimming. I don't know about the rest of the country, but it's ridiculously hot here. Of course, I wouldn't set foot in a public pool. I'm not a germophobe or anything, I just really don't like swimming in strange people's urine. My own is fine.

Watch the Twilight Zone marathon. The 4th marathon isn't quite as extensive as the New Year's Eve one, but it's good enough. If you're just a casual viewer, let this TZ aficianado (ok, call me geek if you must) point you towards what I think are the "can't-miss" episodes:

11:30 PM - Mirror Image
12:00 AM - The Hunt
12:30 AM - The Purple Testament
1:00 AM - What You Need
12:00 PM - Time Enough At Last
1:00 PM - Five Characters In Search Of An Exit
2:00 PM - To Serve Man
3:00 PM - The Midnight Sun
5:00 PM - It's A Good Life
8:00 PM - The Last Flight
12:30 AM - Night Call
3:30 AM - A Passage For Trumpet

Have a cookout at your house.
You have to do all the cooking
The stench of spilled beer lasts for days
Mosquitos suck, literally

Don't have to worry about getting shitfaced and driving home
You have complete control over the guest list
Neighbors will think you're cooler than you really are
As host, you get to wear the Uncle Sam hat

Seems the pros outweigh the cons there. Don't forget, if your party is lame, no one will ever want to come to your house again. I'm not sure whether that's a pro or a con. I guess it depends on who your friends are.


Jesus Of Suburbia said...


Right, that's it, it's official. Next 4th of July I'm parading through your nation's capital wearing a Union Jack suit.

Actually, I love the banter between us Brits and you yanks over the War of Independence. It's funny watching your denial of the fact we let you have your paltry country.

How were we to know you'd grow from obscurity to eclipse even us? It was a fluke, an odd twist of fate that shan't happen again.

We're taking it back if you elect another idiot to the White House. You have been warned.

(PS: Loving the blog.)

CPT PYRO said...

Hope you have a great weekend and 4th. Thanks for stopping by.

The Everglades said...

Sparklers aren't fireworks, so the Amish government that lords over PA needs to stop churning butter and fashioning horse shoes for buggy bound work horses. If you go into a gas station and can't get the combo beef jerky/beer purchase, are you still technically in America?

Enjoy your 4th, and I can't wait to read what went on in your world over the holiday weekend. I'm sure hilarity will ensue...

Like the Brit/Tory/malcontent orthodontic nightmare, loving the blog.


Lisa said...

Hey just wanted to say thanks for stopping by earlier. Sounds like you have a fun few days ahead of you. Enjoy your July 4th!

Anonymous said...

Hey, you might have "let [us] have [our] paltry country," but there is no denying that we kicked you butts in the War of 1812. I guess y'all didn't get enough the first time.

I agree with you, I hope we don't elect another Clinton either;)

SeizeTheNite said...

No beer at the gas station and no roman candles??
What is the world coming to??

CPT PYRO said...

Hey thanks for stopping by. I have always loved Collective soul and there were playing during the Spirit of America festival here in Decatur Alabama.

Cincysundevil said...

I love to taunt my friends from the UK about this. They actually have a great sense of humor about it.


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