Friday, October 10, 2008

Caption Crotch-test Contest #15

"Miss O'Day assures the world that her pussy
licking days are behind her."


And with that, the torch has been passed to The Imaginary Reviewer. This is a well-deserved win, since I really liked his caption last month, but my inner prude forced me to make it a runner-up because of its pure filth. This caption is rather "blue" as well, but I think it's too late for me to play Miss Butter Wouldn't Melt In My Mouth American Sweetheart at this point, so what the hell. New blog format: nothin' but beastiality and cunnilingus!

(Note to Google search pervs: That was a joke. Sorry to have misled you. But there are still plenty of nauseating niche porn sites out there. Go fish.)

And now, the three finalists who gave it their all and came so close, yet still remain a huge disappointment to me:

Aubrey told
Entertainment Tonight that she was drunk the other night and blew chunks. Fortunately, they didn't know her dog's name was Chunks. - Tootsie

...and so the Center for Disease Control and Prevention voted unanimously that the dog must be put down and Miss O'Day sterilized for the greater good of the community. - Pepe Le Pew

After a hard night out, Aubrey O'Day hacks up a small daiquiri-flavored dog's head. - Deadspot

Nice going, gang. And hey, no need to thank me for prettying up your sentences. Toots, punctuation is our friend. And Pepe, this is America. We don't put esses where zees should be. Not only did Imaginary Reviewer have the best caption, but his was properly spelled and structured too. Why can't you kids be more like him? Maybe, with a little work, you too can one day be...


(Okay, so Tootsie and Deadspot have already had the fire down below. But the rest of you monkeys better work it.)


The tone of this post was inspired by Falwless, who has taught me that the best way to retain your readers is by berating and insulting them.

41 comments:

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

"Miss O'Day assures the world that her pussy licking days are behind her."

deadspot said...

"Oh, c'mon, Aubrey... At least I know my tongue hasn't touched anything grosser than my butt."

Suze said...

Wait, as soon as the vomiting subsides, I'll think of a caption.

deadspot said...

After a hard night out, Aubrey O'Day hacks up a small daiquiri-flavored dog's head.

Splotchy said...

Pinkherry!

John Donald Carlucci said...

"Tastes like chicken!"

SkylersDad said...

(thoughts from the dog) Tastes like ass. Must be from all that anal she does.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Poodle: The OTHER pink meat.

Leonesse said...

I wonder if she licks the other end as well.

Leonesse said...

Now I need brain bleach. God, she's nasty.

Doc said...

I have been entering this contest over and over since about #3 and I still can't even muster an honorable mention. Just as a suggestion for your humor impaired readers, couldn't there be a fire crotch, a smoking crotch, and a crotch spark? Just like the Olympics, there has to be a third place right? There has to be a bronze crotch out there somewhere right?

I'll be honest, I can't think of anything that could possibly compete with any of the above suggestions. I'd just like to see what almost makes the final cut recognized. While I aspire to a bronze crotch, I know there are those out there who are much more worthy.

Is a smoking crotch too much to ask for?

I leave it up to you. It's your crotch after all.

Yours in smoldering embers,
Doc

Some Guy said...

"If she tries to blow me, I'm outta here!"

Tootsie said...

Aubrey told Entertainment Tonight that she was drunk the other night and blew chunks, fortunately, they didn't know her dogs name was chunks.

Knot said...

Poodle, it's easier than frenching a pussy.

Knot

John Donald Carlucci said...

"Aubrey told Entertainment Tonight that she was drunk the other night and blew chunks, fortunately, they didn't know her dogs name was chunks."

LOL

Man, look at that look of panic on that dog's face!

JDC

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

What's the difference between Aubrey O'Day and a Poodle? One is a smelly, unclean creature with poor hygiene, a moustache and bad hair. The other is a poodle.

Coffee-Drinking Woman said...

ugh, gurg, retch...

I need to go bleach my eyeballs out now.

Falwless said...

Aubrey O'Day practices her skills at the Piper Palin School of Grooming.

Rebecca said...

Aubrey O'Day does her best impression of Hellen Keller.

pistols at dawn said...

Having naught but stones where their hearts should be, the paparazzi took advantage of O'Day's syphilitic blindness and snapped away.

words words words said...

"Yet another picture of two bitches tonguing each other just to turn guys on."

Pepe Le Pew said...

...and so the Center for Disease Control and Prevention voted unaminously, that the dog must be put down and Miss O'Day sterilised for the greater good of the community.

Cormac Brown said...

"See? Just because I'm a blonde and stuff, doesn't mean that I don't know, like, the difference between doggie-style and head."

Bond said...

See, I learned this watching the Lifetime movie "Three The Hard Way" with Brittney and she did this to Clay Aiken, well actually he was facing the other way and her tongue was in his crack, but we can do that later"

Bond said...

Well, hell, I had to reference the movie I came up with from your post the other day!

Alice said...

@the imaginary reviewer: HAAAAHAHAHAHAAA. heh. hee.

there are a LOT of good ones. my little brain cannot compete.

Leonesse said...

Oh, dear god. Falwless wins.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

yuk yuk yuk yuk. This is just not right, that poor dog!

Slave to the dogs said...

This is, like, SOOOOO much better than tossing my boyfriend's salad!

Slave to the dogs said...

Aubrey reinterprets "Two in the pink, one in the stink".

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

...and the dog says, "Gross. She just licked her asshole with that thing..."

Rebecca said...

"I know I've been drinking, but this will be hilarious!"

That's not a caption. That's what I was thinking when I wrote the Hellen [sic] Keller blurb. Oh, Sobriety, I'll never desert you again!

Gifted Typist said...

O'Dog O'Day Afternoon

Kristi Mantoni said...

Aubrey O'Day practicing for her new role as "Diana" in the upcoming remake of "V".

Mathdude said...

What? The vet said it was a French poodle.

Pepe Le Pew said...

I feel an argument coming on ...

The post origin determines the spelling, not the blog origin.

If the word in question is spelt differently in say Australia to the USA, (e.g.. MUM! not MOM!)then the person posting should use the spelling he or she is accustomed to!

Pepe will not conform to your American English literacy standards!

Now that im done being melodramatic,

My spell check wont give me the american translation, i only have an australian spell check update.

Sorry!

Dale said...

The Falwless approach worked, I thought of her sexy eye patch while I was reading it! One day I hope to have my crotch catch fire again too!

Falwless said...

Dammit, one of these months I'm gonna win this fucking thing. Or die trying.

(Nice tone of the post, though, I thought it felt familiar. Watch out, your readership is going to skyrocket!)

Kristi Mantoni said...

Darn! I was hoping mine would get a mention since it was so prophetic!! I don't know if this chick is going to play Diana but you never know!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Berate me, I love it!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Woo hoo! Justice is served! Thank you so much, I will love my firecrotch award and I'll take it out on walks and clean its hutch every day!

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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