Celebs be feudin'!
I guess David Letterman and Sarah Palin rubbed off on more than a few stars over the past week or so, as petty fights are breaking out all over this land of ours.
1. Al Roker vs. Heidi (no, I will not call her Heidi Pratt, because I don't believe that they're actually married for realsies) Montag and Spencer Pratt
Last Monday, Speidi stopped by Today, where they were interviewed by Roker as part of their "I'm A Celebutard Who Got Out of I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! But That Doesn't Mean That I'm Going to Stop Talking About The Brief Time I Was There" press tour. Roker made the mistake of trying to get these two missed opportunities for abortion to answer the simplest of questions, which prompted the couple to later complain to MTV that he was just a big meanie, possibly possessed by the devil. The feud continued on Thursday with Roker telling Jimmy Fallon that he had no idea who "Speidi" was (he thought it might have been Tobey Maguire) and that he thought some type of jungle slug must have eaten their brains. Silly Al. Slugs can't eat what isn't there.
If you want the whole story, feel free to click on those links, although, for legal reasons, I can't actually encourage you to do so. I'm not going to be held responsible if any of you gouge your eyes out or burn down a Starbucks. The second link does have something to teach you, though. If you've always thought that people who speak in third person are the ultimate douchebags, Flesh Beard proves that they're merely the penultimate when he refers to the manufactured entity "Speidi" in third person.
2. Perez Hilton vs. Will.i.am
Just when I thought there wasn't a feud that I would care less about than the above, along come these two idiots. To explain this situation, I have to forget how old I am and that I am friends with the English language. I hope you'll forgive me.
Sunday wuz the Much Music Awards (in Toronto, yo!) and obvs Fergie wuz there 'cause, you know, the Peas r awesomeee. So, Fergie goes up to Perez and is like, "hey, u got sumptin' against our band?" and Perez acts like a little bitch!! So, Fergie is totally hurt 'n upset so she runs over to will.i.am and is like, "OMG dude, he's sooooooooooo rude! I'm like crying!!!" Course will gets salty, 'cause that's his girl, you know? So, he's like, "Oh, I'm gonna say sumptin'." He goes up to Perez and is like "don't talk about me no more" and Perez is all "yeah maybe." And will starts yellin that Perez is disrespecting him...and can u believe that Perez tells will that he DOESN'T respect him? SRSLY! And will is all like, "oh whatever man," and then Perez is all, "yo man, you're a faggot," and the fans are totally WHOA! and will is like, "What??" and everyone got all crazy and shit. Then Perez tried to shove off and will followed him outside and his manager Polo totally punched him in da face!!!!1 Perez is all bloody and started tweeting all his fans for help cos the cops told him it wasn't an emergency. So the fans called the cops and they finally came and now Polo gots to go to court for assault! Ca-raaaazy shiiiiiit!!
Okay, I'm back.
Perez and Will.i.am both posted videos giving their sides of the story, and while Will's isn't that interesting, Perez comes off like Chris Crocker 2.0 in his, so it's 20% annoying, 20% hilarious, and 60% ridonk. Usually, I might be inclined to agree with the statement that "violence is never the answer" if anyone but Perez Hilton were making it, but seriously, if anyone ever needed a beat-down, it's that jackass.
Now, GLAAD is getting in on the feud by demanding that Perez apologize for being a member of the gay community who purposely used the (other) F word, imagining it to be "the worst possible thing" he could have called Will.i.am.
3. Danny Gokey vs. Adam Lambert
Speaking of "teh gay," this feud, which actually seems to be between Gokey's and Lambert's fans rather than the two guys themselves, all started with some homophobic comments made by Gokey's cousin, Talea, on Facebook. (That link will take you to Oh No They Didn't [ONTD], an online community that has saved all of the original photos and comments, for fear of inevitable edits and/or deletion.)
It seems that, during the AI season, the Idols went to dinner one night with The Gokeys. Danny, presumably to embarrass Adam, brought along one of the more glamtastic pics from Adam's party boy days and asked him to sign it for someone (whoever "Stephanie" is). Apparently, Adam wasn't very happy about it but obliged, and later posed for photos with Talea and other family members. Talea showed her appreciation by talking some smack about Adam in the captions, and her friends left quite a few nasty comments.
Then, Gokey added fuel to the fire with this nonsensical statement, made during a Comcast live chat:
"Yes. I accept gay people, but people have to accept my beliefs. We have to accept their beliefs, but they have to accept my beliefs. We agree to disagree. I don't judge people, but at the same time, if they believe in what they believe, they have to accept me and what I believe. But I accept anybody as they come. That's my character and my personality."
What happened next I still don't fully understand because I am not a Twitterer. But according to this MTV.com article, "ONTD users created a Twitter hash tag — #gokeyisadouche — and decided to include it in their respective Tweets until it made it all the way to #1 on the site's Trending Topics (which it eventually did, overtaking #iranelection at the top of the list). That, of course, caused even more people to begin Googling "Gokey is a douche" (because, really, most people had no idea what was happening), sending the term rocketing up the Google Trends list."
Wow, that makes my head hurt.
Look, I'm not Smuggie's biggest fan, so I can't help but smile when I hear that "Gokey is a douche" is a top search term anywhere because, although I don't know him personally, he most likely IS a douche. But even though I enjoyed ripping him apart in my Idol recaps (that is part of my unpaid schtick, after all), I think the fans are acting like a bunch of little kids on a playground here. Danny Gokey is a nobody. He's really not worth all the effort. And Adam's a big boy. He can take care of himself.
The fan feud is probably still boiling, but Danny and Adam both tweeted that they have no beef with each other, and that everyone should cool out on the gossip. Whether or not that's completely true doesn't really matter. They're tired of all the sandbox drama. Adam is more concerned with recording his debut album and Danny would just like to enjoy his last few minutes of fame before being forgotten and then hitting the Midwest rib festival circuit with Jon Brennan.
For me, the most disturbing part of all this nonsense is the fact that Adam actually caved and joined Twitter, especially after he publicly said that he wasn't interested in it. I can't believe he went over to the dark side. I thought we were going to be the last two on Earth not tweeting...and then it would have been our responsibility to repopulate the world with people who wouldn't be so completely reliant on useless social networking tools. Ah, well. It was a nice dream while it lasted.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Celebs be feudin'!