Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Whatever Floats Your Boat

I hopped on the Stat Counter bandwagon about a month ago, with the intention of using the site to track where my readers were coming from, how long they visited my page, and other important webby things like that. However, as a vast majority of bloggers have discovered, I've found that the most entertaining piece of information, and therefore the most interesting is the "keyword analysis". Some of the keywords that surfers find my blog with are hilarious, and many are just downright perplexing.

Checking out some recent keyword activity, I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't delve deeper into off the wall pop culture subjects. Maybe I should give the people (weirdos) what they want. I'd like to examine some of the stranger topics that the search engines have determined can be found right here at The Pop Eye.

Rate my naughty cheerleader - Ok, huh? I may have said the word "naughty" at some point, but I don't think I've ever tackled the exciting world of cheerleading. Never even mentioned how much I love that stupid movie, Bring It On. But if they want to lump me in with all the softcore porn sites out there, that's fine. More traffic. Lots of disappointed guys with one hand on the keyboard, but still more traffic.


Diarrhea jokes - Sure, diarrhea is funny as long as someone else is inflicted with it. But I don't think I've ever mentioned diarrhea once on this blog. I don't know any diarrhea jokes offhand. If someone knows a good one, please let me know. I did a search for some, but I was just referred back to my own blog. Curses, foiled again.

Geritatrics - I imagine this is supposed to be "geriatrics". Unless "geritatrics" is some perverse sex-with-grannies kind of fetish and then I don't want to know anything about it. Seems there is porn out there for every walk of life these days. Just hit up one of the search engines. Roosters having sex with cigars while being watched by transsexuals riding alligators? Yeah, we've got that. (Trademark: Staples. Or Office Max. I get them confused.) Anyway, I wrote one piece about old folks but I don't think I ever used the term "geriatric" in any form or misspelling. Regardless, it remains one of my favorite entries. Therefore, a little shameless promotion is in order. To read the "geriatric post", click here.

Popeye having sex - As I said, there is porn for everyone. This fascination with cartoon sex seems to be a fairly recent phenomenon, and one that I just can't grasp no matter how I try. I don't understand how such a seemingly large chunk of the (predominately) male population can get off on this. I mean, sure, we all made little doodles of poorly-drawn characters getting it on when we were young, but most of us grow out of that. It's just not interesting. I remember that when I was younger, I wasn't allowed to watch that movie, Heavy Metal. When I eventually caught a late-night airing on HBO, I wondered what all the fuss was about. Oooh, cartoon people and aliens having sex, smoking and swearing. Big whoop. It didn't stimulate my adolescent urges at all. And getting back to these specific search terms, of all the cartoon characters to watch having sex...Popeye?? Really? He and Olive Oyl have to be two of the most unattractive people on the planet, real or imagined. If you absolutely have to watch cartoon porn, at least let it be something like a salacious affair between Blondie and Rex Morgan, M.D. I would still think it's rather twisted, but at least if they were good looking cartoons, it would stay just this side of demented. (Speaking of demented, I am so ridiculously proud of this doctored picture. Ah, I love when I crack myself up.)

Sunday 9-4-05 Lindsay Lohan - Wow, how strangely specific. What was Lindsay doing on September 4 of this year? I MUST KNOW!!! I tried searching with the same terms but came up empty. Maybe she had a sandwich. Or maybe she dyed her hair some other putrid color that completely clashes with her complexion. I'm sure it was something very exciting.


Jani Lane/Bobbi Brown - Ok, so this is a pretty normal search, but these are the keywords that have led folks to my page most often in the past few days. What's odd is that no one has cared where these two have been for years. Now all of a sudden they're a big deal. I imagine it's all due to Jani's recent appearance on Celebrity Fit Club, which I do watch on occasion. I happened to catch the final episode the other night, in which ex-wife Bobbi issued a taped congratulatory message to Jani. I have mentioned these two previously on my blog and believe it was in one of the music quizzes. I think I said something about how weird looking Jani is/was and how it was a mystery that he ever managed to snag a hot model like Bobbi. Well, the times they are a changin'. Bobbi now looks like a slightly younger version of Jennifer Coolidge, the ubiquitous dumb blonde from Legally Blonde, all those Christopher Guest movies and, most recently, Joey. She seems a bit puffed out in the face, probably has had at least one cosmetic surgery and doesn't believe that the words "subtle" and "make-up" belong in the same dictionary. And she's still rockin' the big '80s hair. I think she may have actually used some that Jani lost to fashion some sort of weave.

Stephen Pearcy of Ratt on his thoughts about the hurricane Katrina - My personal favorite. I'm hoping that actually using this exact phrase in my blog will bring that phantom surfer (who I will just refer to as "Way Cool Junior") back here, so I can ask Junior what he/she is smoking. Now, I have mentioned Stephen Pearcy here once. I briefly mentioned Ratt, though I am not a fan by any stretch. I have spoken about Hurricane Katrina. But never, before today, did I think that these two could actually go together! I can't fathom why anyone would give a Ratt's ass what this guy has to say about this subject. Sure, some people like to know what celebrities think about current events. But the ex-lead singer of a has-been band? What light could he possibly shed on this topic? I imagine it would be something along the lines of, "Whoa dude, yeah like...damn, that f'ing Katrina man, what a bitch. That sucks, man. F'ing hell, dude. Hey, you wanna see my new kick-ass race car?". (Disclaimer: The preceding quote is not an actual quote and does not express the ideas or opinions of the real Stephen Pearcy. Although I think it's probably pretty damn close.)

To sum up, I'd just like to thank Stat Counter for opening me up to a whole new world of blogging. I will do my best to bring more freaks on board. Speaking of, anyone want to take bets on how long it will take "rooster sex" to show up in my keyword analysis? I'm guessing three days, tops.

13 comments:

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Isn't that fascinating? Keyword search is a constant source of amusement for me. Recently, someone found my LIBRARY blog by looking up "lady incest teacher." Nice. Imagine their disappointment! Just for fun, I once put "fisting" in a post and you wouldn't BELIEVE how many people hit my blog because of it. Do a lot of people blog about fisting? Will you now get hits by fisting fans because I wrote this in a comment? Heh! We can only hope!

Masha said...

Hmm maybe I should jump on the Stat Counter bandwagon...

Lee Ann said...

I love the "keyword search". It is amazing what can be tied to your blog. You should get even more ties after this post. I know someone that wrote "spanking and wet tee-shirts" just so he could get more traffic from keyword searches! ahahaha (I asked him about those words,as I did not see relevance to his topic and then he told me.... more visitors!)

Sangroncito said...

I had this keyword search yesterday: "male whorehouses"!
I guess I'm getting just a little too sleazy in my blog! Oh, and I had "rich bitch humiliation", too!
I love checking the keyword search.

BadGod said...

I love web stats.



Try typing "Pearl Jam sucks"

I bet you get a lot!

almba---funny

The Moviequill said...

naughty cheerleaders...oops, that was mine (just kidding)

The Zombie Lama said...

Funny, I was looking for rooster se...um, I mean...

Alice said...

OH MY GOD i need to get stat counter. that is freaking awesome :-)

ps - librarian extraordinaire, that is a truly fabulous idea. i wonder if that time i titled a post "hootie mcboobs" gave me a lot of hits??

teletart said...

Good news, beckeye! I just found you via "rooster sex" on yahoo, so should be showing up in your stat counter results any minute. Now you can't say that it hasn't happened. :-)

I was afeared that I'd come here to find my blog blacklisted, after TTI (The Travolta Incident). Hope those hives are better.

xx teletart

BeckEye said...

Yay! It has come to pass. Even if it was purposely done, rooster sex is on my stat counter and that's all that matters.

There's a new one today, "baby with wandering eye". Hmm. Is this a baby that's being unfaithful to its mother? Looking for milk elsewhere? I wonder.

Mr. Happy said...

Good stuff!

Hey don't dismiss Popeye porn so fast until you've seen him high on spinach with a drunk & willing Olive. Man that's hot, so I've heard but really I wouldn't know anything about that.

Also "Bring it on", for some reason, just seems to be one of those movies you can watch everytime it's on and still enjoy it. Must be those spirit fingers.

Johnny Retail said...

I stummbled on this blog looking for good old fashioned "fisting". Doesn't seem to be any here. Just a bunch of spanking wet tee shirts, and sleavy pearl jam :)

An80sNut said...

As a weird aside, cartoon sex goes way way back. It's just getting it's due like that video of someone choking on horse (cough) meat. Fetishes are out there and it takes making a community that much closer to see them all for face value.

Yeah, it scares me where some of my traffic comes from but I try not to think about it.

 

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