Thursday, October 06, 2005

Eye Boogers

This installment of "Eye Boogers" is a bit different. I feel pressure! Dear Layla seems to think I have all the scoop on celeb happenings. She very cryptically referred to some Hollywood gossip on her site, saying that she wouldn't discuss it until she sees it here on my blog. Eek. I hate to disappoint. Especially since she said I was hot.

Tom and Katie are pregnant - I was positive that Britney Spears' baby was the Antichrist, but now I'm not so sure. After all, Katie claimed that she would remain a virgin until she was married. Hmm. We'll all know when the crazy Latin chant music starts, I guess. Aside from these demonic possibilities, you just know that Brooke Shields is waiting for karma to strike by giving Katie the worst case of postpartum depression ever recorded. And if she says she wouldn't wish that on her, she's lying.

Chicago is Full of Lucky Bastards - Granted, I couldn't have afforded the $1000 ticket price, but I still wish I could've been at the Chicago House of Blues on Wednesday night, where Pearl Jam and Robert Plant played a benefit concert for Katrina victims. Eddie Vedder and Robert Plant. TOGETHER. They dueted on "Fool in the Rain" for God's sake. Un-be-freaking-lievable. Great music, great guys, great cause.

Nicolas Cage Names his Son Kal-el - Following the trend of weird names for celebrity offspring, weird actor Nic Cage named his kid after the father of Superman. I vividly remember Cage hosting SNL and being in a skit where he and Julia Sweeney played a couple trying to come up with a name for their baby. He shot down just about every name for fear that it would get their kid beat up. The punchline was that his fears stemmed from his own name, which was pronounced Ahz-wee-pay but spelled Asswipe. I would've expected a little more from Nic after that. But apparently he's fine with subjecting his child to a lifetime of torture and ridicule.

Ashlee Simpson Will Appear Again on SNL - Remember when SNL had really great musical guests? Remember a time when lip-synching on a live show would ensure that you would not be invited back? Oh, Lorne Michaels, you publicity whore. Give us a break. No one cares about Ashlee, trust me. I'm not sure whether she will be performing for real this weekend, but I can guarantee one thing. She will suck.

The Cowboy and The Colt Find Love? - I really have no link for this because it's an unsubstantiated rumor, but I'm not above conjecture. The latest in the Kenny Chesney/Renee Zellweger split is that the "fraud" listed as the reason for their divorce was that Kenny passed himself off as a heterosexual. Many are speculating that Kenny and long-time friend, Indianapolis Colts QB and big doofus, Peyton Manning, are more than friends. I never could understand why the public is always so concerned about the sexual preferences of celebrities. Especially because when someone actually does come out, all the conservatives who wanted to know the scoop in the first place wrinkle up their noses and complain, "Why do these people have to flaunt their gayness?". And who still cares about this? Are drunken football fans afraid that if Peyton turns out to be gay, he'll suddenly start throwing like a girl? Are rednecks afraid that Chesney will turn in his tractor for a pair of sequined rollerskates? Come on, people. (Do they make sequined rollerskates? If so, I want a pair.)

British Boob Survey Complete - A survey of 2000 British men was conducted to find out which female celebrity possessed the best breasts. (Wow, say that 5 times fast.) The winner? Catherine Zeta-Jones. CZJ has divine boobs. Oh yes, she does. Oh yes. Feel free to start rumors that we are lesbian lovers. I may be straight, but I wouldn't pass up that action.


Bar Bar A said...

Get out! NO WAY! I would have flippin flipped to see Eddie and Robert...I think I may cry that I missed that. Stuff like that does not happen where I live, ever. Fool in the Rain for God's sake! It doesn't get much better.

Ok, no pressure on you, but the scoop has not shown up here could be a false alarm.

I had not clue about Tom and Katie. My sis just walked in, she heard the news and said that they are having a Scientoloty birth - totally silence during the birth and no talking to the baby for 7 days after it's born. I can't even comment on this...I just can't go there.

JC said...

I can not believe that the Tom is going to be a father now! I hate to say it, but I hope she gets postpartum craziness too. I think depression is too good, I hope she gets just at tiny bit of psychotic depression. As his other kids are adopted, I am totally sure that he will be breaking some couches on this one! So much for waiting for the wedding day.

scott said...

I'm glad Ashlee is getting another chance. She took a ridiculously unnecessary amount of flak, and her only crime was singing along with a backing track, which 90% of other pop singers do.

Also, I love strange baby names. If I ever had a son, I would name him Ponce.

Teri said...

TomKat spawn = this week's sign that the apocalpyse is upon us.

Alternately - someone should take some pity on the poor kid. Maybe child protective services will step in?

Lee Ann said...

Think you are right about Brooke wishing that post partum depression on Katie. You know, being pregnant without being married in Hollywood is a trend right now, so it seems!
Kal-el...what the heck?
Ashlee, umm, umm, umm uh unh! If it weren't for her dad, well, I just don't know what to say about her. She seems to always be competing against her sister, she just doesn't have it! (I thought she did ok on 7th heaven, maybe she should have stuck with that).

pia said...

I expected a lot more from Nicolas Cage

and while I wouldn't wish post partum depression on anybody...

Melanie said...

I second the Zeta-Jones verdict. I switched to T-Mobile because of that woman.

The Zombie Lama said...

Somehow, everthing I was going to say was obliterated by that last part.....

Bad Zombie, BAD.... >:o)

DayDreamer said...
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