Seriously Good-Looking

Let me ask you all a question. What are the odds that an attractive actress or female singer would try to look unattractive in order to gain more credibility? I'm not talking about already established actresses that "go ugly" for meaty roles. For example, when Nicole Kidman wore the fake nose in The Hours, she was already extremely popular due to the overwhelming success of Moulin Rouge and The Others. Similarly, Charlize Theron only took on the role of an aesthetically-challenged murderess in Monster after she had made a name for herself in movies like The Cider House Rules. It is also important to note that anytime a beautiful actress dares to act without makeup or with some type of facial prosthesis, she usually becomes an Oscar contender. It's as if the state of being plain or non-glamorous is the biggest acting challenge of all. And when they go back to their normal, gorgeous selves, the media and general public all breathe a sigh of relief.

I'll rephrase my original question this way - How many female celebrities would play down their looks on a regular basis in an attempt to be taken seriously? If you answered anything but "zero", please tell me where you're getting your crazy ideas from.

The ladies don't do it because it would never work in our society. Women are expected to look as good as possible. As ironic as it may sound, Charlize Theron would have never gotten the chance to play an ugly character if she weren't extremely beautiful. If she actually looked like Aileen Wuornos, she wouldn't even be an actress, unless she made a career out of playing drug addicts and hookers in bit-parts on shows like Law & Order: The Revolving Door Unit. And yes, there are well-known actresses who don't fit the Hollywood definition of beauty, like Meryl Streep. But the difference is that she is what she is. She hasn't tried to enhance or detract from her looks in any way.

The reason I'm pointing this out about women is because I've noticed a trend with male celebrities that bothers me. They do what I just described; they try to downplay their natural good looks so that they'll be noticed purely for their talent.

The best example of this is Johnny Depp, one of the most ridiculously good looking people on the planet. I can understand why he may have balked at using his looks near the beginning of his career. He started out as a dreamboat on 21 Jump Street, a show that I watched religiously. He's never made a secret of the fact that he was unhappy there after the first couple of seasons and that he was miserable being marketed as a "teen idol". He took some quirky movie roles, managed to escape becoming the next Shaun Cassidy and made quite a career for himself. At this point, he has proven that he's one of our generation's best actors time and again. Now, it's one thing if the characters he plays are a bit off-kilter or require a few gold teeth. But why does he still show up at public appearances looking like some weathered, old homeless person? If the guy doesn't want to wear a tuxedo, that's fine. But how about a shirt that looks like it's been washed at least once? And how about picking up a comb, or at least running his fingers through his hair a few times? He knows he's good looking, we know he's good looking, why fight it? It's been 16 years since he put Officer Tommy Hanson behind him. I think we all know he's a good actor by now. We take you seriously Johnny. Honest. We don't hate you because you're beautiful.


I noticed this phenomenon again at a recent show I went to. I went to see Brian Vander Ark, who is the lead singer of The Verve Pipe. Apparently they're still together, but he's doing some solo stuff. I've always been a fan of TVP, but never had the chance to see them live so I figured seeing him would be the next best thing. He's got one hell of a voice. I won't go into great detail about the show because it's really not important to the topic at hand and it was a little disappointing. He still has an amazing voice, but I'm not sure many of the old Verve Pipe songs fit the acoustic setting. Anyway, here was a really attractive man who has a lot of talent, and he schlepped up onstage looking like Johnny Depp's next-box neighbor. All he was missing was a stick with a bandana on the end to carry his harmonica and a change of underwear in. I just kept looking at him thinking, "what the hell happened?" I've heard him speak of the music industry in a few interviews, as well as within the lyrics of some of his songs, with the contempt that you might imagine any artist would feel who had been embraced and then erased by the biz. I can understand if he's frustrated as far as how to position himself, and I can understand if he's tired of trying to appeal to the public's eyes rather than their ears. But to get tired of looking like someone who bathes or shaves once in a while? Does he suddenly think that looking like a hobo will propel him into superstardom? Or is he pretending that he doesn't care about all that anymore? I almost feel like that whole "I'm not trying" look is more phony than all the mousse and leather pants. I didn't go there to look at him, I went there to hear him sing. But his rumpled appearance actually distracted me more than if he had looked as good as he naturally does.

In the end, these efforts to look unattractive don't really work anyway. These men can look dirty, slovenly or just plain weird, but their faces are essentially the same. If they're truly hot, no matter what they do to themselves to try to cover it up, we still all know what's underneath. And if we're all still buying tickets to their movies or paying for their CDs, it obviously makes no difference. So why do they hide what God gave them? In a time when Extreme Makeover is touted as an answer to everyone's problems, this kind of thing seems like spitting in the face of anyone who's ever been held back by their looks. If it's for real, then fine. But I get the feeling that the whole "no image" thing is the image, and I think that's silly.