Monday, December 26, 2005

Top 25 Stars of 2005

That invaluable (at least to pop-culture hounds and trivia geeks) entertainment resource, the Internet Movie Database has announced its "Top 25 Stars of 2005". The list was compiled in a rather strange manner....according to the IMDB, "rankings were not based upon critical assessments or box-office performance, but the actual search behavior of over 30 million users of IMDb.com". I'm guessing there may be a lot of porn stars on this list, if that's the case. Well, let's see, shall we?

25. Keanu Reeves - Really. Really? That many people are searching for Keanu? I haven't seen one movie he's been in since that suck-fest, The Matrix. Until he stars in Bill & Ted's Midlife Crisis Road Trip, sad to say that I'm just not that interested.

24. Tom Hanks - Was he in a movie this year? I guess it doesn't really matter. Hanks is one of those perennially popular guys. His brand of charm never goes out of style.

23. Kirsten Dunst - I like this gal. She's one of those girls who other girls like because she's cute and genuine, and boys like because she's uh...cute and genuine.

22. Eva Longoria - Blah blah blah. Sick of her already.

21. Robert DeNiro - I'm actually more surprised by his charting here than Keanu. Seriously, I know DeNiro's a legend and all, but he (along with Al Pacino) has basically become a parody of himself. Every time I see him in a movie now, I just picture Alec Baldwin in the same role, doing a DeNiro impression, thinking it would make absolutely no difference. I didn't see Meet the Fockers (and never really found Meet the Parents all that funny) but I did see Hide and Seek. All I can say about that is that I wish I had those two hours back. Once the "big twist" was revealed, the entire sequence of events that happened up to that point made no sense. What a rip.

20. Vin Diesel - Ass clown.

19. Jon Heder - I still haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite and because people keep telling me that I have to see it, I will continue to refuse. This guy reminds me of that creepy redhead dude from Children of the Corn...if he had a minor facelift. Dr. 90210 wants you too, Malachai.

18. Daniel Radcliffe - I'm just waiting for the day when this kid follows in the footsteps of other child stars like the Coreys or Todd Bridges. I can see it now - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Firewater....Harry Potter and the Chamber of Opium....

17. Rachel McAdams - I have no real opinion on this girl. She was funny in Mean Girls. She's pretty. That's about it.

16. Nicole Kidman - I can't say enough how happy I am that Nicole's star started burning so brightly in the wake of her divorce from Tommy Boy. But, I don't understand these new Chanel ads she's in. They seem like a blatant rip-off of Moulin Rouge, what with her be-bopping around on a rooftop with some handsome stranger. If they want to do that, the least they could do is put Ewan McGregor in the ads too. Now there's a man who belongs on this and every list.

15. Emma Watson - Who? Oh...the girl in the Harry Potter movies. So, we've established that 15 year olds loooove the IMDB.

14. Christian Bale - I haven't seen Batman Begins yet. But that has more to do with the high cost of movie tickets and my distaste for Katie Holmes. It certainly isn't a lack of desire to see this guy in some tights.

13. Scarlett Johansson - I really don't see the big deal about her. She's not the raving beauty that everyone makes her out to be and she's certainly not the best actress I've ever seen. That said, I did like her in A Love Song for Bobby Long. Of course, I wasn't watching for her but she was still pretty good in it. I haven't seen the clone movie she did with Ewan yet. When I do, something tells me that, once again, I won't be watching her all that closely.

12. Jennifer Aniston - Ok, I like Jen. And we all feel bad that Brad left her for the big-lipped wonder. But enough. I'm sick of hearing about how brave she is. People get cheated on and divorced every day. No need to make a saint out of her. And no need to try to convince everyone that she's a stellar actress either. She's a better actress than me, but so is Shannon Tweed. Gene Simmons probably cheats on her every half hour, and no one's touting her as the next Katharine Hepburn out of pity.

11. Orlando Bloom - I just don't get the appeal. He's too much of a pretty boy for my taste. Seems like a decent enough actor, but he just doesn't stand out to me.

10. Hilary Duff - As I said, 15 year olds love the IMDB.

9. Natalie Portman - She's a pretty good actress, and kind of has that girl-next-door thing going for her. I don't see her as the "next big thing", but I like her better than, say, Hillary Swank.

8. Keira Knightly - She looks like equal parts Winona Ryder and Kate Winslet. She's definitely less annoying than Winona but not as likeable as Kate. Again, as with many people on this list, I just don't see what all the fuss is about.

7. Tom Cruise - I'm really unclear as to why people still care about this guy. Other than keeping track of him to make fun of him, of course. That's fine.

6. Jessica Alba - I don't think I've ever seen one thing this girl has been in. No wait, I saw Never Been Kissed. Well, just because I haven't seen any of her movies doesn't mean that other people (read: horny adolescent boys) haven't. I don't know much about her acting skills, but she's hot, I'll give her that. (Not as hot as Eliza Dushku though.)

5. Paris Hilton - I can see why people are searching for her on the IMDB, because she's been in, what, two movies or so? She really doesn't get enough credit for being a serious thespian. And you can never find enough info about her on the internet or in magazines. You really have to dig. She should really hire a better publicist.

4. Lindsay Lohan - She reminds me of that one girl everyone knows in high school, who was always really pretty but kind of shy and sweet to everyone. Then one year she sprouted boobs, started hanging out with the wrong crowd and immediately became intolerable. Apparently she's the same girl who failed Driver's Ed twice, too.

3. Brad Pitt - Brad's always been hot...but cheaters are not. Sorry. I think he's way down on every girl's hot-o-meter these days.

2. Angelina Jolie - She reminds me of that one girl everyone knows in high school, who smoked in the bathroom, kicked any girl's ass who looked at her sideways and slept with all the guys...and probably a few teachers. Then she went off to college and channeled her aggression into activism, becoming that "crazy chick" on campus. She still slept with all the guys though. And probably a few professors.

1. Johnny Depp - No big surprise here. Who could ever get tired of Johnny?

8 comments:

Happy Villain said...

I think some of my coworkers and I are solely responsible for Depp being Numero Uno! And it's amazing, but I think I agreed with you on every point you made. Good for you for avoiding Napoleon Dynamite -- I wish I had those two hours of my life back too. Malachi from Children of the Corn as Napoleon would've been an improvement. And if you write the Bill & Ted's Midlife Crisis Roadtrip screenplay, I swear I'll invest every penny I have -- as well as drafting others -- into making that brilliance happen!

Lee Ann said...

Keanu Reeves, not a fantastic actor, but nice to look at!
Tom Hanks, I just like him, probably always will.
Kisten Dunst, yes, she seems like an all around good person.
Eva, yes, me too....blah blah blah.
Robert DeNiro, I think used to be a "big name".
Vin Diesel, simply eye candy.
Jon Heder, I haven't seen it either for the same reason you gave.
Daniel Radcliffe, I hope it doesn't turn out that way for him.
Rachel McAdams, was she the one in The Notebook?
Nicole Kidman, how lucky is she to have been in a movie with Ewan McGregor?
Emma Watson, Cute girl. I think she is starting to get the hang of acting.
Christian Bale, nice. Batman Begins was an ok movie, I still liked the first one with Michael Keaton the best.
Scarlett Johansson, I agree.
Jennifer Aniston, I am glad she handled herself with class. It boosted her image for me.
Orlando Bloom, looks best to me with long blonde hair and elf ears.
Hilary Duff, I agree.
Natalie Portman, I like her, but she has done some bad movies.
Keira Knightly, I don't know enough about her to say anything.
Tom Cruise, I used to love this guy, then he started doing weird movies, and now is just plain weird.
Jessica Alba, I saw Never been kissed. Was she in that?
Paris Hilton, ugh!
Lindsay Lohan, good summary about her.
Brad Pitt, you are right on with him. Now he is just eye candy.
Angelina Jolie, "tsk,tsk,tsk," doesn't seem like a friend you could trust.
Johnny Depp, I am not tired of him. I liked him in Chocolat.

Neo said...

Becky -Glad to see you posting again! Missed your sarcasm.

Tom Cruise? Oh no there's that name again! I'll have to go wash my eyes now!

I'm getting the couch visual!

Neo runs off to the bathroom screaming

Bar Bar A said...

I agree with you one million percent and NEEDED a post from you. Thanks, this was truly great work.

Why is Neo running?

pia said...

have never been able to stand Brad Pitt--think he's boring looking

The first time I saw Angelina Jolie in Gia, I freaked. Have the book; she looked and acted just like her. Knew she was major

Can't help loving Johnny Depp; do wish he would play a normal person every once in awhile

cmhl said...

ASS CLOWN!!! Best. Phrase. Ever.


seriously..

LoraLoo said...

I do love "ass clown" and try to use it in at least one sentence every day.

Keanu Reeves is really not a good actor, but he's.so.seriously.hot. I can't even explain why?

Brad Pitt was never on my list. Never got the appeal. Perhaps I just knew he was an ass clown. LOL

I haven't seen "Napoleon Dynamite" either and hear the same "..you have to see it" all the time. Still haven't found two hours of pure boredom to watch it yet.

As a woman I have to say Jessica Alba is absolutely beautiful. I saw her in "Sin City" which was, mmmm... okay. But I can see how millions of teenage boys would watch it over and over.

Tom Cruise??? Why would anyone care? His career is over. At least it should be.

I seriously missed your sarcasm like others have already mentioned!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Keanu? The last good movie he did was "Something's Got To Give" and he a few more scenes greater than the definition of a cameo.

Kirsten? The Missus was freaking when "Jumanji" came on, she couldn't believe how much she grew up. I remember Kirsten being the best thing in "Interview With A Vampire" simply because she knew when to dial it down and everybody else went overboard at the wrong times. Cruise made a ridiculous LeStat at 5'6" in lifts.

DeNiro? People are looking him up on the IMDB to figure out when's the last time he did a good film. "Ronin" off the top of my head and that's really because of the car chase.

"Ass clown." Still laughing off of that one.

Keira? I loved her in "Pirates" and "Bend It Like Beck Eye."

Johnny Depp is where DeNiro used to be. Even when the film around him is a complete disaster, he is still a presence to be respected and admired.

 

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