Monday, February 27, 2006

And Now I'm Back, From Outer Space...

Ok, so I've been a bad, bad blogger. I just hope that my prolonged absence hasn't left me just a figment of my audience's collective memory. I still can't believe I have an audience and this is how I treat it. For shame, for shame. So, anyway, enough groveling. Back to my inane pop culture ramblings already in progress.

Just because I haven't written in over 2 weeks doesn't mean I haven't been taking things in. I'm absorbing. I've absorbed. I'm saturated with pop culture. Call me SpongePop BeckEyePants. Please. I love that name. I just made it up. And here we go.

Celebrities continue to prove my theory (it really was MY theory, FIRST) that they die in threes:

Last weekend, the entertainment world lost 3 well-known actors. The first to go was Don Knotts, and I admit that I was pretty bummed out about that. I love that guy. He was always effortlessly funny. I loved him on The Andy Griffith Show as Barney Fife, which was his best-known role, although he was seemingly in everything. Personally, my favorite Don Knotts role was Luther Heggs in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. If you haven't seen that movie, rent it this instant. I don't care how old you are or how cool you think you are, that movie is absolutely hilarious. Ahh, they just don't make 'em like that anymore - movies or comedic actors.

The next to go was Dennis Weaver, best known for his roles on Gunsmoke and McCloud. I've never seen McCloud and only a handful of Gunsmoke eps, but I recognize Weaver as being another of those ubiquitous actors. I remember him most for his role on a Twilight Zone episode, "Shadow Play". It's a very interesting premise that deals with reality and the possibility that we all might just be characters in someone's dream, and he gave a great performance.

Number three was Darren McGavin - yet another great character actor. He has quite an extensive resume, but he is usually remembered as Kolchak from The Night Stalker or as the hilarious Dad in A Christmas Story. He always seemed like one of those guys who would probably be a really nice person offscreen...a real likability always managed to fill his onscreen personas.

Rest in peace, gentlemen.

Celebrities continue to prove that they are not cut out for relationships:

Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora are the latest couple to call it quits. I used to have a RAGING crush on Richie. Somewhere along the line though, I stopped waiting for him. This news doesn't have nearly the effect on me that it would've 9 years ago.

Supposedly TomKat (I nearly vomit everytime I say or write that stupid mish-mashed moniker) is breaking up too. I don't even care. Normally, I'd find humor in Tom's misfortunes. But he's just beyond annoying to me now. He's positively exhausting. Now when I see his fake Pepsodent smile, I don't even recoil, I just go numb.

Madonna somehow continues to get press for doing absolutely nothing:

Since she's a washed-up has-been (sorry Madge loyalists, but she is) she has to worm her way into the papers with tales of her very British riding accident. She fell off a horse sometime last summer, didn't die, wasn't paralyzed, yet for some reason this story continues to pop up in the news. Reporters with nothing better to do (hello - couples are breaking up left and right!) are tracking her progress. Apparently her injuries included 3 cracked ribs, a broken hand and broken collarbone. Oh come on, she broke more bones that that during the Detroit Pistons gangbang of '98. She's fine.

Paris Hilton somehow continues to get press for doing less than Madonna:

She's fighting with Mischa Barton over boys. She's dating a guy who isn't even old enough to drink. What's the next amazing item the presses are stopped for? I can see it now: PARIS HILTON GIVES LIV TYLER A WEDGIE. Oooooooooh. Exciting stuff.

People continue to not care about the Olympics:

I think it's funny that no one watches the Olympics, yet if an American wins gold for anything, they're like, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHH - USA! USA! USA!" Odd. Anyway, it's become obvious in recent years that the Olympics isn't the sweeps force to be reckoned with anymore. (Well, not obvious enough to me considering I was stupid enough to think that CSI would be in reruns and missed the last two episodes.) Going up against Survivor, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, the Olympics could barely compete. Now, if the Olympic committee were smart, they would just chuck all these sports and start having Olympic events where idiots sing off-key, take part in pointless challenges while pointing fingers at everyone and dance badly while wearing cheesy outfits. Or maybe they should just replace the Olympics with a Road Rules/Real World Challenge.

Britney Spears continues to amaze with her stupidity:

Apparently, Britney thinks her voice is getting better just from singing nursery rhymes to her son. She was quoted as saying, "I'll sing 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'. And I make up stuff. I found out after the baby that I can sing!" It's always nice to find out in the middle (I'm hoping it's actually the tail end) of your career that you can sing. It's great that the fact that she couldn't sing all these years never stopped her from pursuing her dream. The dream of making 90% of the population poke their eardrums out with sharp objects. Although, I'm really not convinced that she's experienced this turnaround. Just because a 4-month old baby doesn't run screaming from the room when you're singing, Brit, doesn't mean that you're good. He just doesn't have the ability to walk upright, and he's gonna stay where the milk is. I'd get a second opinion if I were you.

Barbara Walters continues to have the best job in the world:

Baba Wawa gets to interview Patrick Dempsey, Matthew McConaughey and George Clooney on her pre-Oscar special. Not only is she annoying but she is one lucky bitch. Clooney really doesn't do much for me these days, but give me a Dempsey-McConaughey sandwich any day of the week. It's been leaked that Patrick will reveal that he is dyslexic. He can't do "cold readings", so he likes to receive scripts in advance so that he has time to memorize his lines. Matthew also has trouble reading his lines, but mostly because he's always nicely baked.

I continue to love John Travolta:
Gotta give a belated birthday shout-out to Johnny, who turned a gorgeous 52 on February 18. John's birthday is the day before mine, which I was always sure "meant something" when I was a kid. As it turns out, all it meant was that we would get older around the same time. John is 19 years older than me, and because those damn men seem to age so much better than women, I can pretty much guarantee that he looks 19 times better than I will when I'm his age.


Bar Bar A said...

This is an honor to be the first to comment on your long-awaited post! I swear I was thinking about you today wondering if you'd ever come back!

As usual you made me laugh and I will forgive the Madonna comment since you are so dead-right-on about everything else.

I can't believe B.S. even made that comment about singing to her son..Helloooo ALL MOTHERS make up songs for their kids!

I know what you mean about the birthday thing, Bruce's birthday is 9/23 and mine is 9/25 but he is about 30 years older than me (minus 20). I love celebrating "our" birthdays every year.

Kate said...

I missed ya! Glad to see you back posting!

Alecia said...

I hate Britney. Hate her. Really, I do.

scott said...

I just saw a headline that read "Barry Bonds impersonates Paula Abdul." Nothing Madonna could do will ever be less newsworthy than that.

Neo said...

Becky - Hey, did I leave my shirt over there? ;P

Seriously though, I didn't know Dennis, and Don died! Man what was I doing?

My favorite Don movie was the one where he plays the fish? The Incredible Mr. Limpet?

I loved that movie!

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

Lee Ann said...

I haven't heard anything about Tom and Katie...what happened?

Paris - blech..."nuff said"

Britney - blech...."oh there is so much more to say, but I won't waste my breath".

Yeah, I am with you on Dempsey and McConaughey...ummmmm "nuff said".

John Travolta, happy birthday to him, so that means...Happy birthday to you too!!!!!!
The men, they do get better looking as they get older don't they!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Yay, Becka is back! Shame on all of you that tried to put her picture on a milk carton.

If we put a Paris mask on a broomstick, would anybody notice?

Or would they keep taking pictures?

Heather said...

With you on the McConaughey-Dempsey sandwich. Matthew is just hot and Patrick has come such a long way from "Can't Buy Me Love." (I still still know the African Anteater's Mating dance.)

FYI, CSI was in reruns the last 2 weeks. At least on the west coast.

LoraLoo said...

Hey, welcome back, you've been missed.

I've had a crush on John Travolta since "Saturday Night Fever". He's still as amazing as ever.

I would be okay with life if Tom Cruise and everything around him disappeared from the radar.

Teri said...

Are you sure John Travolta doesn't just look good for his age because he has a really good plastic surgeon?


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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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