Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Celebrities Continue to Die in Threes - True. First there was Coretta Scott King, then Chris Penn, and most recently, groovy Grandpa Munster, Al Lewis. Now, you may argue that King wasn't really a "celebrity", but I disagree. After all, if we're living in a society that would consider William Hung a celebrity and not Coretta Scott King...I'm moving to Antarctica.

Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong Split - I hope you will all respect their privacy during this difficult time. Next!

I'm Not The Only One Who Doesn't Want Paris Hilton Anywhere Near Me - Brian Quintana (aka Some Guy We Won't Remember in A Week) claims that Paris put a hit out on him after he told Paris's umpteenth new boyfriend that she has an STD. I got bored halfway through the article, but I found this little snippet highly amusing:

"Hilton's publicist, Elliot Mintz, told that Quintana was trying to humiliate the heiress to gain media attention for himself. 'I just listened to his descriptions of Paris' conduct and they're totally contradictory to my knowledge of her,' Mintz told, adding later: 'She doesn't have herpes. She doesn't have a drug problem.'"

Being in PR myself, I know a publicist would never lie. And Mintz didn't lie, he just didn't tell the whole truth. Because what he really meant was, "She doesn't have herpes, she has gonorrhea. She doesn't have a drug problem. Because her nose is so long and skinny, much like an anteater's, she has absolutely no problem snorting blow on a regular basis."

Britney Spears Is Still A Moron - You heard it here first! Mama Brit was caught driving with her baby sitting on her lap, instead of in a car seat. The Sheriff's department is not pursuing charges because, well, she's famous and gives all the cops wood. Brit's defense? She claimed that she was afraid of the paparazzi. "I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us," she said. "I love my child and would do anything to protect him." Oooooo...k. If she was afraid that the crazy photogs were going to chase her, why wouldn't she protect her kid from a possible car accident by putting him in the damn car seat?? I can actually hear her brain cells dying. And believe me, they're happy to be out of her head.

American Idol Still Chugging - Now that I have cable, I get to watch AI. I'm actually disgusted with myself for being so addicted to it, but it's too late to change now. Apparently, that's the show's attitude as well because everything is the same. These "bad auditions" are good for a laugh, but I'm tired of the judges sitting there, acting as if their time is so valuable. We all know that the truly bad singers wouldn't get past the screeners unless they were sure they would make for good TV. So, Simon, Paula and Randy...the jig is up, it's been up, so lighten up or don't bother parading the "best of the worst" through the audition rooms. You want them there. You need them there. Smile. And Simon, give me a call because (against my better judgement) I still think you're sexy as hell.


LoraLoo said...

I'm really glad the first audition rounds are over on AI - it was getting old. Tonight wasn't bad - but I hate the group episodes. I'll be happy when they narrow it down to the 24.

C. Warren said...

Britney Spears is the poster child for mandatory licensing of parents.

Lee Ann said...

I have to agree with all that you wrote...All the celebs that break up have such a deep caring and respect for each other. blah, blah, blah...
Paris, such a fine upstanding girl, huh?
Britney...just worn out..."nuff said"
American Idol...I am a big fan too, I just can't help it. I too, have become tired of the auditions, I have missed the last two. I am ready for the competition to begin!

Masha said...

Poor Sean Preston...I hope he doesn't get too many of his mom's genes...or his dad's for that matter...hopefully some great great great grandpa will save him with his genes...

is that so wrong? said...

Yes: I believe Paris Hilton can order hits on people.

No: I don't believe she does not have an STD or drug problem, be they past or present. C'mon.... "That's hot" could simply describe the burning in her nose or on her groin area.

Happy Villain said...

I learn all my good celeb info from you, Beck. Thanks!

You know, years and years ago, I'd seen Sean Penn in movies like Bad Boys, and saw his brother Chris in Footloose and I totally had a crush on Chris. I truly thought he was cuter and would go farther. Sean seemed so dark and moody, which made me think his skills were more limited. Heh, clearly I know nothing about acting. Oh well.

I'm still very sad about Chris Penn dying. *sniff, sniff*

Lavinia said...

Paris not only probably has gonorrhea and a serious drug problem, she also has twice her share of money and stupid.

Never a good combo, that.

Neo said...

Becky - Wow! I didn't know grandpa munstet died! Geez, didn't see that one anywhere but here!

I get a laugh out of the celebs that want our money and attention and when they get that attention they cry about it. Sad....

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

Sangroncito said...

I count on you to keep me updated on what`s happening at home!

And Happy Valentine's Day from Brazil, by the way.

Lee Ann said...

Happy Valentine's Day sweetie!

Neo said...

Becky - Happy Valentines Day!

Peace, Hugs, & Roses!

- Neo

Alecia said...

In need of a pop-eye update...


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