Friday, March 24, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Whoa, Pat...Tom Wopat! - Wopat, aka Luke Duke, was busted for drunk driving a couple of weeks ago. I find this so ironic. You see, when I was younger I was a huge Dukes of Hazzard fan. My friend, Donna, and I never missed an episode. When my Dad took us out to dinner, we would insist on crawling in and out of the car through the windows, just like the Dukes. She liked Bo and I liked Luke. (Always did like those dark-haired men!) I used to get so mad that Luke never got to drive the General Lee. I remember him driving a couple of times, but they were very rare occurrences. Bo always drove. I wanted Luke to run over Bo. But now, maybe there's a deeper reason for Bo not letting Luke drive? Dukes don't let Dukes drive drunk? Now that I think about it, this isn't really irony. It's just stupid. But I still found it kind of funny.

Chris Daughtry Cashes in on Live Cover. - For those of you who don't watch American Idol, well...first of all, give yourselves a hand. You're stronger than me. Moving on, Chris Daughtry is one of the AI contestants. He's been one of my favorites thus far - slipping into the role of token rocker left vacant by Bo Bice and shamed by Constantine Maroulis. The guy definitely has a good voice. He's slightly hot. But, I'm a bit annoyed with him at the moment. Last week on AI was '50s Week. Now, most of those kids panic when they have to do songs from the '80s, let alone 30 years earlier. It's unreal to me how many of these so-called music lovers have no interest in learning about any music that wasn't produced during their generation. Some of them did fairly well though, and Chris's performance was one of the highlights of the evening. He covered the Johnny Cash classic, "I Walk The Line" and it was a very interesting, soulful but rockin' arrangement. Everyone was impressed with his ability to make that song his own. But it turns out that he did nothing of the kind! He just covered Live's version of the song, which they recorded for a Sun Records tribute in 2001. On one hand, it's not a big deal because it's still the same song and technically it was written in the '50s. BUT...on the other hand, he never bothered to fess up that he just jacked someone else's creativity and took credit for coming up with an original take on the song. And he would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those kids and their internet! I certainly never heard Live's cover of it. I doubt a lot of people, outside of die-hard Ed Kowalczyk fans, have. That's what Chris was banking on I guess, and that's what pisses me off. Besides that, his side-stepping of the musical time periods is becoming a pattern. Two weeks ago for Stevie Wonder week, he covered Stevie's "Higher Ground", but did it Red Hot Chili Peppers style. He said he was relieved when he found out that was actually a Stevie Wonder what does that say? He can't do any other genre but rock? A real rocker can take anything and make it rock. As I once heard a comedian say (who I would credit, but I can't remember his name), "Led Zeppelin could sing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' and make it sound either evil or sexy". Of course they could. But Robert Plant had long, flowing locks. Little Chris has none. Maybe that's the difference.

99 Luftballoons on the Wall....99 Luftballoons... - VH1 Classic is going to play the German and English videos for "99 Luftballoons" continuously for an hour on Sunday, March 26. Why? Because some moron donated $35,000 to a Hurricane Katrina relief fund and his reward was the opportunity to choose an hour's worth of videos. Naturally, he frittered away this perfect chance to have VH1 Classic pull out some really cool, possibly forgotten stuff by opting for a damn Nena marathon. What's the appropriate phrase I'm looking for here? A fool and his money are soon parted? Go for quality over quantity? Smart men, foolish choices? No....maybe just one word will do. JACKASS.

Randy Quaid Wants to Break Brokeback's Bank - Giant, uh, star Randy Quaid is madder 'n a possum in shit because he claims he didn't get paid enough for his supporting role in Brokeback Mountain. Listen here, Randy, I think the guys who were simulating sweaty ass-sex deserve most of the acting budget. Then again, it probably is worth it to pay you extra to keep your clothes on. So I'm not sure whose side I'm on here.

The Simpsons Go Live - This Sunday's episode of The Simpsons will feature a live-action opening sequence with apparently jaundiced actors who look like the characters. I love this show, but this just reeks of jumping-shark bait to me. I think they should call it quits. (Not likely since it was just picked up for two more seasons.) Honestly, the only time I watch it anymore is in reruns. I rarely catch the new episodes.

Cheney Shoots...His Mouth Off - Not literally...but how funny would that be? No, Dick responded to Democrat complaints that the Bush administration was mishandling Iraq by saying, "If they are competent to fight this war, then I ought to be singing on American Idol." Well Dick, why don't you go show 'em all how it's done? On the front lines. You're handy with a gun. Go. Now.


Writeprocrastinator said...


Chris who?
"I alone cover you
I alone exploit you
I alone take credit
American Idol is not the end of this!"

Such a fitting post, everybody mentioned is jumping over, or on something.

LoraLoo said...

I read about Chris' little mess-up yesterday and I'm rather bummed. I love him! BUT, he should've given credit. Not cool.

Teri said...

I liked Luke. A lot.

The Everglades said...

I've seen the Simpson's intro floating around the internet and it is way cool. I don't know how they found people who looked like the cartoon.


The Moviequill said...

nothin beats a pair of tight Daisy Dukes... especially with Daisy Duke in 'em (keeyug yug yug) sorry, that was the best Sherriff Roscoe I can do typing

Bar Bar A said...

Hmmm....Randy Quaid? Now DENNIS Quaid would be worth seeing in the buff. Saw his band play once - the guy has a nice ___. Sorry I'm such a priss, can't even write the word ass on your blog. I embarrass myself.

Heather said...

I loved the Dukes!! My next door neighbor and I would go around jumping in and out the car windows all the time.

Chris is my favorite and now I'm bummed. Although he never actually took credit for the arrangement, we all just assumed he did it. So maybe it's really our fault? (work with me here)

And I did see the Simpson's opening that's floating around the internet. It's pretty cool.

Metal Mark said...

I am a big Dukes fan. Punk band 7 seconds did a great cover of 99 red balloons back in 86.

toadfish63 said...

I liked the Simpson's lead in---I too saw it on the internet prior. Very nicely done. The Simpson's continue to drive my existence when retreating to TV world. King of the Hill is another classic. I enjoy a taste of reality programming now and then and the Simpson's and King of the Hill both do it for me. Similar to the Dukes of Hazzard for you, eh?

jamie ford said...

The Simpsons intro has been out for a while. I'm not sure if it was done by some production company as an homage or some kind, or maybe a self-promo. Either way, it looks like Fox jumped on it the way Chris Daughtry jumped on Live's cover and made it his own.


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