Thursday, March 02, 2006

Still Waiting for the John Travolta Sex Tape...

Why don't we git drunk and screw...

So, yet another celeb has a sex tape out. Well, actually two celebs. Well, actually it's Kid Rock and Scott Stapp, so together they probably add up to one whole celebrity and maybe about one half man.

As the story goes, Kid Rock-Bottom and Scott Stapp-Me-if-You've-Heard-This-Song-Before (eat your heart out, Chris Berman) were on tour together and decided to tape a night of partying with strippers in Kid's trailer. Kid Rock is blaming it all on Stapp, saying that he is an "idiot" for "losing" the tape. Now, it's no secret that Scott Stapp is an idiot (as well as an Eddie Vedder wannabe, Narcissist, poseur and all-around jackhole), so why would Kid Rock entrust such a private tape to an idiot's care? Who is the real idiot? The correct answer is: "both" or "who the hell cares".

I'm not taking sides here because both of these guys are insufferable, but really, Kid Rock should know better. He dated Pamela Anderson, the Queen of Sex Tapes for crying out loud. He had to know that it would get out. Somehow, celebrity sex tapes always get out. Whether the celebs in question secretly leak them as publicity stunts or they are actually stolen and sold, they will get out. It's a fact of life. It's like when you're watching a football game and the kicker is setting up to kick the winning field goal and the announcer says, "he's never missed a kick in a clutch situation". As soon as those words leave the commentator's mouth, it's a given that that ball is not going through those uprights. It's not even coincidence, it's like a force of nature. Same deal with the sex tapes. If anyone even remotely famous makes a porno and thinks it's gonna stay private, it will be on the internet in no time. Especially if they say they'll erase it. It's not getting erased. It's getting e-blitzed.

Rock says that he doesn't care anymore, he's just mad that someone else will be making money off of his "performance". Maybe he has a point. But if the person making money off of the tapes ever paid for a Kid Rock record or to see one of his concerts, then I think that's fair. I only had to sit through a 3 or 4 song set of his when he came through Pittsburgh with Farm Aid and I still think I'm owed some punitive damages.

My favorite part of the story was Kid's quote, "It's not any big revelation that this goes on in rock 'n' roll, especially with who I am." Who he is? Who is he? Some obnoxious hack who hasn't bathed in a year? Yeah, I guess no one should be surprised that he's getting tons of play. Especially with strippers. Because they're never swayed by money or anything - so he must really be as hot as he thinks he is. Gee, I was so looking forward to seeing his greasy, nasty ass drunkenly attempting sex, but alas, he's won a court order to prevent distribution of the "film". Darn.

Well, so far anyway. He may have won the battle but I think the video promoters will win the war. They always do.

I don't want anybody else, when I think about me I touch myself...


Alecia said...

They're like, the richest white trash ever. Gross.

Happy Villain said...

Is it just me, or does Mr. Rock look like a cross between Joe Pesci and Steve Buscemi in that photo? Man, you just KNOW that guy smells like a sewer.

LOVE the comment about them combined being half a man... you rock, Beck!

Just be glad it isn't a sex tape of Tom and Katie. *gagging* *passing out*

LoraLoo said...

You know what's so funny about all this - it IS press, even if it's totally gross press. Look what a scandal like this did for Paris Hilton? Did anyone even know who the hell she was before that? I know I didn't. Neither one of these guys has been having much press or success lately, so the timing is a coincidence or ? I have Sirius radio and incidentally I've been hearing Creed lately, and they haven't had any real airplay in how long? Another coincidence? Cha, right.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I only had to sit through a 3 or 4 song set of his when he came through Pittsburgh with Farm Aid and I still think I'm owed some punitive damages."

Heh-heh-heh! What, Becka? You didn't like it when he screamed "my naammme is Squiiiiid! Squid Cock!"

That was a spot-on assessment of the situation, you should move to Hollywood and be a publicist/handler on this coast.

I actually believe you could save half of these characters from themselves.

blair said...

Yeah, I think these guys did it on purpose! It gets people talking about them. Even bad publicity is good publicity in show biz. It's kinda sad, actually.

Brooks said...

Kid Rock again proves the point that you can be a millionaire a million times over and still a total dumbass. Britney blaming the media for her baby-in-lap moves is another example of the same stupidity. My question is why do they tape themselves? Do they spend "special time" with these tapes in their dressing rooms? As soon as that tape is made is it fate that someone will get their hands on it -- you are so right. I am almost convinced that the whole "scandal" was planned out by their PR people. Where else to go when your career is going no where?


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