Monday, August 10, 2009

Caption Crotch-test Contest #25

"Okay, who peed in these gloves before I put them on?"

And there is your caption for August, supplied by Bond. This is his first time as a Firecrotch, so I hope he can stand the heat.

Sorry for taking so long to pick this month's winner, folks, but as I said, I'm on vacation. (I'm not in a tropical paradise or anything, so you don't have to envy me too much.) And because I'm on vacation, I'm not going to the trouble of picking runners up this time around. But I'll give the Extra Achievement Award to Doc for entering so many damn times.


The Vegetable Assassin said...

In continuance of my legendary suck status at captions, I think Lindsay is saying:

"Even I can't touch my signature Herpes Shake without gloves".

OK that put me off eating for the rest of the day.

katrocket said...

"I remember how Samantha used to make me wear these gloves. Oh God. Sam! WHY MUST EVERYTHING REMIND ME OF SAM???"

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, bitch gave me syphilis.

SkylersDad said...

Might as well go all out here...

"I don't need the gloves, I usually just let them splatter it on my face."

Nej said...

Mjenks - that's totally the first thing that came to mind!!!! (well...maybe not the syphilis part)

And now I can't get the blasted song out of my head. :-)

red said...

I was totally gonna contribute this month, but mjenks stole my general idea. Damn me and my unoriginal ideas.

Soda and Candy said...

Lindsay Lohan explains priorities: "I'll touch Brandon Davis's crotch, but I'm not going near full-fat milk without protection."

Fancy Schmancy said...

"I sneer at you, calories. You are nothing to me, NOTHING!"

Cormac Brown said...

My milkshake, is more curdled than yours

I could eat you, but I'd have to charge

My milkshake, makes the boys run away from the yard

And it makes Samantha flee equally hard

Bond said...

"OK, who peed in these gloves before I put them on?"

LiLu said...

Oh, weird. I didn't know there was a flavor called "Crabs-Infested Fire Crotch" now.

Is it cinnamon?

Doc said...

"What do you mean by Milkshake Enema? Is that what the gloves are for?"

"I only wear these when I squeeze the pus from my coochie!"

"Handjob anyone?"

"Okay, let's color the carpet to match the curtains!"

"Is this what you mean by spread the love around?"

"I alway eat with gloves on so I don't reinfect myself!"

"I can't believe that they wouldn't hire me at McDonald's!"

"I used to wear these when I worked as a 'fluffer' in porn movies!"

"Thanks for the apron. It will protect my Prada."

"Shouldn't I be wearing a surgical mask too? Micheal Jackson wore one and that seemed to work for him, right?"

"High ho, high ho, We've got jizz shakes to go..."

"I always wear these gloves to remove my feminine hygiene products, and please pay no attention to that velcro ripping sound. It always sounds like that when you break the crust."

I am more than a little ashamed at these but I am willing to be gross if it will win me the much coveted Fire Crotch Award.


Candy's daily Dandy said...

"Where the F is my secret ingredient?? I crushed up my adderol nice and fine and now I can't find it!! Did you steal it??
I NEED my shit.

Why are you people all so f-ing incompetent?"

Suze said...

Lindsay shows off her brand new "Hand Condoms" that Samantha gave her.

Tootsie said...

Hey Pal....I thought it was an UTTER.

Happy Villain said...

Okay, I have two! I'm so proud.

1. McLohan: over 100 million serviced.

2. No, LiLo, the gloves are for everyone else's protection, before they touch YOU.

Gifted Typist said...

And now for my famous *Lindsay Low-fat Milkshake*

Doc, you're cheating with all those captions!

Gwen said...

"Hairnet? Oh, no way. I'm already wearing these stupid gloves. I supposed next you'll want me to use condoms, too. As if!"

Bond said...

WOW.... I am a Firecrotch??? Wow


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

This isn't a caption, but I think this news story is a bit amusing, given the picture.

LiLu said...

I got herpes AND firecrotch from looking at that picture. AGAIN.

You hooker.

Grant Miller said...

Hey! Don't make fun of LiLo...I happen to have a mild crush on her. Okay, it's more than mild.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaha good one!


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