Who Shot JT?

After hearing rumors swirling around for the past month or so, it's official. John Travolta will star as J.R. Ewing in a movie adaptation of '80s TV show, Dallas. And if I'm not annoyed enough by the lack of fresh ideas in Hollywood, J. Lo has been cast as J.R.'s wife, Sue Ellen. How does this woman continue to land roles? My man John needs a hit, so I hope Jenny from the block doesn't screw this up.

As much as I wish Hollywood would come up with something original, a Dallas movie might not be all that horrible. (And really, anything involving my beloved isn't all that bad. Ok, anything except Battlefield Earth.) I was probably much too young to be watching that show, but watch it I did. I thought Bobby was cute, Pam was annoying, Lucy was cool and, like everyone else, I loved to hate J.R.

I definitely think my man John can pull off this role. Before Dallas, Larry Hagman was Ultra-Nice Guy Tony Nelson on I Dream of Jeannie, so there were probably a lot of people who didn't think he could play an evil oil tycoon. But he was awesome. I think part of what made him succeed in that role was an underlying goodness that came through. He just had an innate likeability that he couldn't hide, even behind such an immoral character as J.R. The same is true for John Travolta. Even when he's playing a bad guy, as in Pulp Fiction or some of Face/Off, the audience can't help but like him, and even root for him a little bit. That's real charm, baby.

Unfortunately, Jennifer Lopez doesn't have the charm needed to make Sue Ellen a sympathetic character, who was played to boozy perfection by Linda Gray in the original series. I'm not quite sure I can buy Luke Wilson as Bobby Ewing either. He's kind of a likeable guy, but he's always a bit dull in all of his movies. He's not quite as charismatic as his bro, Owen. Patrick Duffy was kind of the dull, goody two-shoes too, but he had a little more spark. I can't see Luke and John playing off each other as well as Patrick and Larry did. Even though I haven't seen them onscreen together yet, I can't really foresee any great chemistry there. You know, when thinking of actors who could fill tall, handsome, curly haired, nice guy Patrick Duffy's shoes, it should come as no surprise that the name Jeremy Sisto comes to mind. He would've been a much better choice. (And as we all remember from prior photographic evidence, young Jeremy looked an awful lot like young John.) But then, TPTB probably realize that putting John and Jeremy in the same movie together is just insane. The cameras would probably melt from the heat of their combined gorgeousness. But let me put my hormones aside for a moment and get back on topic.

Not all of the characters have been cast as of yet, and I'm not sure Luke Wilson is a done deal. Last I heard he was upset that the filmmakers are planning on shooting on location in FLORIDA. Well, I can see his point. This isn't Jacksonville, it's Dallas, for God's sake. (And they should really use the original Southfork ranch. Hey, I was there! Yay me!) Shirley MacLaine has signed on to play Miss Ellie. She's a pretty good choice. And on to bad choices - I hear that Lindsay Hohan and Jessica Simp are duking it out for the role of Lucy. Charlene Tilton thinks Lindsay should get it. I say neither one of them. Well, obviously if it were a choice, I would pick the one who can act too (Lindsay) but the girl gets on my nerves something fierce. Therefore, she should never get to work with John.

Here are my picks for the rest of the characters...and while I'm at it, I might as well pick actors who I'd rather see in roles that have already been cast:

J.R. Ewing - John Travolta. Duh. Like I'd remove him from any film.
Sue Ellen Ewing - Virginia Madsen. She looks perfect for this role. I would pick Catherine Zeta-Jones, but she just looks too classy to be Sue Ellen. And if she and John starred in a movie together, my sexuality would end up locked in an insane tug-of-war with itself.
Miss Ellie - Shirley MacLaine sounds good. If not her, I'd go for Frances Sternhagen.
Jock Ewing - James Whitmore. As long as he doesn't die like the other Jock.
Bobby Ewing - Jeremy Sisto. First scene with John: Camera #1 explodes. Camera #2 starts to smoke.
Pam Ewing - Zooey Deschanel. I don't know, I just like her. I'm not going for "annoying" ala Victoria Principal.
Cliff Barnes - Dennis Quaid. What a smile.
Ray Krebbs - Owen Wilson. Yeah, get the other brother in there.
Lucy Ewing Cooper - Rachel McAdams. She looks younger than she is, and she's already proven she can play the "teen vixen" character well.
Mitch Cooper - Can't we bring back the original, Leigh McCloskey? I bet the '80s uber-stud still looks the same!
Kristin Shepard - Parker Posey. She does great "crazy". I could totally see her pumping J.R. full of lead.

Sheee-it. He always did look good in a cowboy hat.