Sunday, May 14, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Chris Daughtry Gets The Offer - Well, I told you so. But, according to USA Today, ol' Baldy said that "he was considering whether to pursue fronting an established rock band or launching a solo career." I'd like to talk to Chris for a moment, directly if I may. Hey, Dummy...take the band gig! Remember Bo Bice? Of course you don't! Take the band gig!

Another Blonde Moment Brought to You By: Jessica Simpson - Ah, silly her antics ever get old? Obviously worried that her "Miss Dumb Blonde 2006" crown was in danger of being stolen by ex-Idol contestant, Kellie Pickler, Miss Simpleton almost put her dog, Daisy, through the X-ray machine at LAX airport. Maybe she forgot whether or not she fed Daisy that morning and thought that would be an easy way to find out?

O.J. Simpson is a Tacky, Crazy Jackass - Who knew? You know, if I had gotten away with murder I would want to stay out of the public eye as much as possible, and just enjoy the fact that I wasn't dead or in jail. (Might as well live it up while you can if you're going straight to hell.) I'm so glad this psycho was able to take time out of his busy schedule (golf, searching for the "real killers," creeping people out, practicing that look of mock-outrage) to film this hilarious prank show.

O.J....Meet Michelle Rodriguez - I think it's a love connection! This chick from Lost hasn't killed anyone yet, but if she continues drunk driving, who knows what she can accomplish. After her conviction, Michelle opted for 3 days in jail rather than serving community service. I'm not sure if that makes her crazy or just plain lazy. Either way, she's suddenly become a PR rep for prison, saying, "It was so cool. I love people, and it was a primal crew. The only thing that keeps them going is fighting for salt and making dice out of soap." Uhhhh...ok. So, I guess jail is the new black? I won't be surprised if Britney, Paris and Lindsay all end up in the klink soon. It's the hottest spot in town, and they don't let just anyone in.

Pearl Jam's Newest Record Debuts at #2 - So, I was a bit worried when my beloved PJ signed with J Records. Let's just say that I'm not a fan of Clive Davis. However, J knows how to get behind a pitchable artist and as a result, Pearl Jam is enjoying a ton of publicity and *gasp* radio airplay! I have to say that the new album is amazing. I haven't been able to stop listening to it yet. I'm a bit annoyed by this whole "Tool vs. Pearl Jam" thing going on everywhere I look though. I don't understand the constant comparisons all of a sudden. Just because both records came out on the same day? So what! It's comparing apple to oranges. Let's compare Pearl Jam to Pearl Jam, folks. This may very well be their best record to date. But, I'll need a few more listens until I can fully make up my mind on that. It probably is though. My boys age well.


Les Becker said...

"It's the hottest spot in town, and they don't let just anyone in."

ROTFL! I love the way you write, Beck. You made my Mother's Day. Can't you, like, write HOURLY posts? Please?

Bar Bar A said...

Beck - thanks for the boogers! I was cracking up, this is you at your best and I miss your posts!!!

Please tell me the OJ thing is a joke (I know its not I looked at that link) It's just sick and wrong! Have you noticed that OJ and Jessica share the same last name...what does that mean?

An80sNut said...

Remember Bo Bice... hahahaha you kill me. But it's true. Easier to remember J.D. Fortune than it is Bo Bice because well, he has a job. B)

Writeprocrastinator said...

Jessica and O.J. have more in common than last names, their constant craving for attention is both profound and disturbing.

As for Clive? I hope that he doesn't:

A) Use crack to control Eddie Vedder like he did with Whitney.

B) Or force him to do a reality show with Bobby Brown.

C) Or star in a movie with Kevin Costner

Sangroncito said...

OJ is sick! Why won't he just disappear off the face of earth?

Teri said...

oooohhhhh, Pearl Jam. ahhhhhh. music, good.

Spinning Girl said...

I am soooooo gonna track Chris D's career!

LoraLoo said...

The whole OJ thing is very very disgusting. He must be so desperate for money. I hope that nobody buys it, can you imagine how those two families of the deceased are feeling about it? Ick.

LOL Chris Daughtry really should consider the lead singer deal. If nothing else, get some experience, get established, THEN do a solo record.

Happy Villain said...

I was kinda hoping the OJ thing was a prank on us all... we been Juiced! No such luck. Then again, I bet he's laughing.

The Pearl Jam vs. Tool thing seems crazy to me too. It's like the stuff I read months back creating a battle between Pantera and Coldplay. Can we maybe compare apples to apples instead of apples to ... I don't know ... bunnies? I think society has lost its collective mind.

Masha said...

Oh Jess, what would we do without people like you in the world?

Anonymous said...

I got the new PJ this week, yes it rocks... awesome cd

Alice said...

i was kind of out of it culturally back in the PJ heyday, so i am one of the 8 people in america who just doesn't care about their new release. which, i realize, entitles me to Death By Rabid Pearl Jam Fan, but i can't help it :-)

Lee Ann said...

Love the Boogers this week!

Brooks said...

There is going to be a special place in hell for O.J. when the tmie comes.

The Everglades said...

I hadn't heard about that J. Simpson episode. Can you imagine being that dumb?



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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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