Wednesday, May 24, 2006

One Small Step for Taylor Hicks, A Giant Leap for the Prematurely Gray

Just For Men may be going out of business. Taylor Hicks is our American Idol. He's gray and he's proud. And everyone loves him. Yay gray.

So here I am, suffering from yet another post-Idol funk. I don't know what it is about this show that always makes me reflect on the past few months and wonder why the hell I got so involved in it. I'm glad Taylor won, but now I'm just thinking that it's too bad the poor guy is probably going to be forced to churn out a bland, top-fortyfied record. (Look at this photo. It's as if the invisible hand of Clive Davis has him by the balls.) Or worse, TPTB will decide to have him record an album of standards a la Rod Stewart. Kids wouldn't buy that, but their parents might. Desperate housewives, perhaps. Most of them became "Claymates" back around Season 2, but if their gaydar has finally kicked in, they may have decided to jump ship and join the Soul Patrol.

I was really hoping against hope that the original songs this year would be a little more Taylor-ed to the contestants. No such luck. AI unleashed their crack team of monkey songwriters that has just been hanging out in their cages since last year, and they came through again with a couple more of those treacly, mid-tempo ballads. I can't even remember the one that Katharine sang. Something about destiny. I think the original title was "A Moment Inside Your Heaven Without Wings." Putrid and uninspired, just the way millions of record-buyers seem to like it. I have to give it to Taylor though, he actually rose above the crappy material he was given ("Do I Make You Proud") and made it listenable. He infused it with some white boy soul. I didn't know those songs could be infused with anything, except more sap.

Speaking of sap, I couldn't justify watching the entire two hour finale tonight. It's basically an ad-salesman's wet dream mixed with a bad Vegas revue gone wrong. I'm not much for medleys, commercials and forced banter. Pass. I just happened to catch the Broken Note Cowboys (mildly amusing) and Prince's performance. Prince is usually the highlight of any evening, and this one was no exception. I especially loved how the Purple One just dissed Seacrest by walking off stage before Ryan could get to him. Ha ha. Symbol, out!

By the way, Ryan is such a bonehead. He was reveling in telling the audience how many millions of votes were cast last night and then said, "that's more votes than any President has ever received in history." Yeah, Ryan because they don't let 14 year olds vote in elections, nor do they stick people in a booth and let them pull the lever as many times as they can in two hours. Duh. Moron. And you wonder why Prince dissed you. You're a jughead.

Anyway - good luck, Taylor Hicks! And Simon, I'll see you in my dreams, you evil, sexy British bastard. (I know, I know...I'm sick.)

13 comments:

Masha said...

It will be REALLY interesting to see how Taylor's CD will do...I wouldn't be surprised if he called his CD "Soul Patrol"...[and i still think Chris should've won the whole thing!]

Metal Mark said...

I liked both Katherine and Taylor, but Taylor deserved it. He didn't have the best voice as that was probably Mandisa and he didn't have the best stage precense and that was probably Chris. To be honest I think Taylor's biggest strength was just being consistant. Chris got caught playing it safe, Elliot had trouble putting his personality into all of his performances and Katherine showed moments of being great, but never got it all the way together. Everyone else got voted off for a bad night or because they were they were the weakest one left. Except for Mandisa who I think got the shaft. She sounded and looked amazing last night by the way.

Alice said...

good GODS those songs they write for the winners are bad. like, so-bad-they're-a-parody-of-bad-songs bad. taylor definitely outsang katherine on tues night, but by god, could ANYONE have made that song they gave her sound good? i agree that taylor did at least make his marginably listen-to-able. and that he should have won over katherine. although i still can't get over an oldies-singing grey haired white dude being an american idol...??

Heather said...

I think it was rigged. They wanted Taylor to win and they gave Katherine such a shitass song nobody but nobody could have made it good. Taylor's wasn't great but it was certainly more suited to his voice/style.

Gotta love TiVo. I hit the skip button and watched the 2 hour show in 30 minutes.

And what was up with the Toni Braxton/Taylor Hicks duet? She was trying to be all sexy and sultry and he kept trying to get away from her. They both looked and sounded awful.

And I don't think it's possible for Prince to be bad. "Symbol out" - love that!!

Teri said...

Didn't Hicks have a CD of his own songs out before AI? I think I heard that somewhere.

Lee Ann said...

Yes, I am glad for Taylor. I hope he doesn't have to fall into that top 40 grind as well.
Ryan is a bonehead, but somewhat amusing at times.

Be safe and have a great Memorial day weekend!

LoraLoo said...

I was rooting for Chris but I'm glad Taylor won. I could NOT take anymore of the McPhever.

It will be interesting to see how Taylor's first CD goes. He's really not top 40, nor should he be - he's very talented and I'd hate to see him turn into something he isn't for the sake of sales.

Ryan Seacrest really doesn't bother me. I actually find him amusing. I am a Prince fan but was disappointed he was such a snob (but I wasn't surprised).

Celebrity Rant said...

I wasn't going to watch the finale either, but it sucked me right in...

it was actually rather hilarious...

definitely had it's moments.

Melanie said...

Just popping in to say that I thought of you this weekend--I kept watching that Heavy Metal documentary on VH1 Classic over and over since I couldn't move from the couch. One of the people they interviewed mentioned Duran Duran (not in a flattering way) and I thought, "Beckeye wouldn't take too kindly to that!"

An80sNut said...

I really would have thought that they'd have written better original songs for both of them. The only thing that will help those singles sell will be a turnout from their loyal voters.

Neo said...

Becky - Hmmmm, I couldn't get into that show. Maybe it's the fact that they have an age restriction or someone like me would be able to go on there and smoke everyone. But alas *sniffle* I'm an old man.

WAHHHHHH!!!!

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

Sangroncito said...

I'm a preemie too! (preemie gray, that is). Go grayheads!

Helpful Links For Growth said...

i never watched american idol after the first two weeks, when they show all the crazy people trying out..it just doesnt hold my interest anymore..but i do attempt to watch the finale at least and couldnt even get into that..

so i say, congrats Taylor Hicks, whoever you are. I hope you have success and that no one makes you dye your hair any time soon.

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine