Monday, June 19, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Angelina Jolie Preparing to Make "Cheaper By the Dozen 3" - In other words, even though she just pushed out a puppy of her own, the big-lipped wonder is already planning to adopt another baby. Angelina and Brad aren't sure which country they want to adopt from this time. They've already hit up Ethiopia and Cambodia, so might I suggest Swaziland? The Swazis never get any good PR. Or maybe they could just look to the good ol' U.S. for a baby who could use a new family. Sean Preston, perhaps? They could always change his name to something much weirder if that would help.

Now Taking Bets on How Long This One Will Last - Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have announced that they will break up the recent streak of celeb divorces by getting married. Hard to say if they're trying to turn the tide or if they're just getting in the queue for the next slew of break-ups. See, now I feel bad. I can't really pick on Nicole and feel good about it. I like her. The poor thing had to put up with Tom Cruise. I'm glad she found a man who won't have to wear lifts to their wedding.

Paul McCartney Turns 64 - And he thought when he was sixty-four he'd be losing his hair. His locks are lovely as ever. Unfortunately his new wife is no longer needing or feeding him.

Jessica Simpson 'Bares All' in Maxim - Every time I've logged on to Comcast in the past week, I've seen this stupid headline. Is this supposed to be news? It's neither interesting nor surprising. She's on the cover in a bad wig with her boobs nearly falling out of her dress. Wow, what a shocker. I will admit that the snippets of her interview that have been released are mildly amusing. #1 - "A guy with a great imagination sends me through the rafters." Hmm, like a guy who can imagine that she's not a complete simpleton? I guess Nick did okay for a while, but then her intense stpuidity sent him through the rafters. #2 - "I love to kiss with my eyes open because I can take in the entire situation and know if I'm enjoying it or not." Yeah, that's a little creepy. Besides, it just sounds like she's always looking for either a camera or a hotter guy while she's kissing someone. Nice. #3 - "I didn't drink for, like, three months or something." (Referring to her "regimen" while filming Dukes of Hazzard.) Well, that's like, totally impressive. Lindsay Lohan couldn't do that. Unless she had enough coke to keep her mind off of alcohol.

Tizzaylor Hizzicks, Yo - American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks, joined Snoop Dogg for a duet of "Gin and Juice" at a recent Birmingham, AL concert. Further proof that Snoop is ALWAYS high. It's a theory of mine that harmonica generally makes any song sound better. However, that does not include rap music. Harmonica and rap go together like scratchin' and opera. I like Taylor, but come on.

8 comments:

Teri said...

Nicole Kidman was on Letterman right after she divorced the crazy guy amd she made a crack about not having to wear flats anymore.

Les Becker said...

Jessica Simpson needs to kiss with her eyes open to know if she enjoys it or not?! Good Gawd!

Sangroncito said...

Ms. Joie is getting on my last nerve! If I see another photo or interview of her I'm going to scream.

Metal Mark said...

I think Taylor Hicks got away with acting like a goof on AI and it was sort of funny. Yet he's not going to be able to do that for long now or he will branded as a goofball and he will have a rough time being taken seriously.

Lee Ann said...

I like Nicole too! Tom and his lifts...I suppose he has to wear them with Katie too!
Jessica...just can't come up with anything better than what you said!

LoraLoo said...

I love Teri's comment about Nicole on David Letterman. I actually hope she finds happiness. Anyone married to that crazy guy for any length of time has been through purgatory.

Lavinia said...

I was at a really formal, technical press briefing on South Africa's macro social report on Friday and got a really good and wholly unexpected laugh.

The presentation was given by the head of the Presidency's policy unit, who at one point started talking about the new rich, black middle class. He spoke about finding a balance between the dog-eat-dog ethos of capitalism and building a caring society.

Then he asked: "We need to look at what we're teaching society about money. Are we teaching people to accumulate wealth and go give birth in the desert?"

Everyone in the auditorium just burst out laughing!

Lee Ann said...

Hey Girl!
I have mentioned you in my Anniversary post today!
~xo

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine