Friday, September 22, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Grey's Anatomy Beats CSI in First Ratings Match-Up. Sure, Patrick Dempsey's got an amazing head of hair. But, come on! CSI is such a better show! How many "beautiful people with important jobs who rarely do actual work in between hooking up with each other" shows can we possibly need? And how can a show succeed when the lead character is such a simpering, whiny idiot? Meredith Grey is more annoying than Ally McBeal, if you can imagine that. Anyway, I think I know what CSI's problem is. It's the Sara/Grissom pairing. Sara Sidle is more annoying than Meredith Grey, if you can imagine that. None of us Grissom lovers (and there are a lot of us, even if he's quite a bit McOlder than McDreamy) want to see him with Little Miss Voice-Goes-Up-an-Octave-at-the-End-of-Every-Sentence. Come on, am I the only one who finds her manner of speaking supremely irritating?? Everything out of her mouth sounds like a question. Or maybe a story about band camp. (This one tiiiime, at the moooooorgue...).

Ashlee Simpson is Playing Roxie Hart in the London Run of "Chicago." Ahem. No, I'm not making this up. Gee, I hope the orchestra doesn't accidentally start playing the wrong song during one of her solo numbers. That would be tragic.

Supernova Thinks Hard to Come up with New Name. Since there is already a band called Supernova (even though no one has heard of them), the reality-show band consisting of Tommy Lee, Jason Newstead, Gilby Clarke and Azrael Abyss's long-lost cousin has been forced to choose a new name. After they put their heads together to form almost one complete brain, the guys brilliantly decided to call themselves Rock Star Supernova, which was the title of the TV show. Man, I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall for that meeting of the minds. I guess their first album will be called, It Doesn't Matter if We Suck, You Sheep Will Buy Our Record Anyway 'Cause We Were on TV. Meanwhile, I will be waiting to hear from Dilana again.

Willie Nelson Smokes Pot??? The Braided One got busted in Louisiana for having marijuana on his tour bus. This also just in: The Pope is still Catholic and bears everywhere are shitting in the woods.

British Press Resuscitating the Worn-Out "Travolta is Gay" Theory. Give it up, people. Not only is he married, but he's married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. If he was just looking for a beard I hardly think he would've waited so long to get married in the first place, when rumors have always been circulating about his sexual preference. And so what if he is gay? Well, it might break my heart a bit, but I'm used to disappointment. Not like I have any shot in hell with him either way, so it really doesn't matter. It wouldn't make him less hot or less of an actor. I love the line in this piece that reads, "A lawyer working for actor John Travolta has felt the need to deny that his client is gay after Travolta was pictured kissing another man on the mouth." Notice how they threw that "felt the need" in there?? It's like the writer is insinuating that he thinks the Travolta camp doth protest too much. As if to say, "hey, we're not accusing him of anything...just looking at the pictures." Then at the end of the article, the writer says that a body language expert (oh, that's a real job) studied the pics and said, "John appears to be really enjoying it. His head is leaning upwards, his lips are puckered, his body is leaning in to the guy...It appears to be quite intimate." Yeah, I can't imagine why John would "feel the need" to set the record straight. I'll tell ya, these British tabloids are even more annoying than the US ones. Horsey-faced, periodontally-challenged idiots. So, you all decide for yourselves. Here are the pictures in question. My take is this: While I don't have a B.S. in Body Linguistics from Gaydar University, it doesn't look like a hot-n-heavy gay kiss to me. Miss Body Language Expert must be blind, because John isn't "leaning in" at all. Both guys totally have that torsos-not-touching hetero buffer zone going on. There's certainly no tongue. And have these Eurotrash-talking morons forgotten that the hello/goodbye kiss is standard practice in their part of the world?


Writeprocrastinator said...

Yep, it's not exactly a passionate kiss. Plus, you figure if it was anything other than friendly, John would put his career first and he would've been more discreet.

The cat knows that his whole life is under a papparazzo microscope and that he is on the "do not scratch your nose or your crotch" list, lest it would wind up in a tabloid.

Happy Villain said...

Yay, another Grissom fan! And that Sara chick... I wish they would kill her off and have Warrick solve her murder and get a promotion and more scenes. :) I hated Sara because of her teeth and mouth too. Is there something wrong that prevents her mouth from closing? You just know she's a mouth-breather with bad breath. Ugh.

LoraLoo said...

I also think CSI is a much better show!

Your comment about Azrael Abyss is hilarious!

Edge said...

If he's done with Kelly Preston, I'll take her off his hands, especially if she will do that scene from Jerry McGuire.


Grant Miller said...

I never knew bears shat in the woods. Thanks for the FYI.


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