Monday, October 16, 2006

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Jeffrey, You're Sew Busted! - Those of you who watch Project Runway regularly already know that one of the final four designers, Laura Bennett, accused Jeffrey Sebelia of cheating last week. She just didn't think that he could've sewn all his garments on his own in the two months they all had to get ready. I don't know whose side I'm on here. Jeffrey is undeniably an ass, but some of his designs are kind of cool. Laura is pretty classy, but anyone who wears nothing but black, always pulls her hair back in a severe ponytail or bun and teeters around on high heels while pregnant is bound to have a few screws loose. I think if you can't prove something (especially in a "contest" situation like this), you should just keep your suspicions to yourself. It wouldn't surprise me if Jeffrey did cheat, but I'm also annoyed by the transparent way that PR producers are editing the show to make him look like he's constantly walking around with a guilty look on his face. Whatever, I want either Michael or Uli to win anyway so let the other two bicker with each other all they want.

CBGB Closes Its Doors. - After 33 years (wow, that place is as old as me?), the punk-rock icon is no more. Petitions to save the club were all over the place for the past year, but they did no good. I've heard from several people that the club really isn't the same place that it used to be back in the day, so maybe it's better to remember it as it was. It's kind of a bummer though that I never got to check it out.

Vaughniston Can't Make Up Its Collective Mind. - Jen and Vince annoyed the hell out of everyone for the longest time by coyly evading any questions about whether or not they were actually dating and refusing to confirm what everyone already knew was true. So now, rumors are swirling that the two broke up and all of a sudden Jen has to run to Oprah and swear that they're still together. Vince is even suing newspapers that printed a story that he had been unfaithful to Jen, complete with a photo of him kissing a mystery blonde. So, before, no one was allowed to know that they were together and it was no one's business, yadda yadda. Now, they want everyone to know they're a happy couple and are flipping out at the mere suggestion that they're not. Jen, Vince...I think I can safely say that most of us normal folk don't really give a shit one way or the other. Quit your bellyaching.

K-Fed Continues to Prove He's a Classy Fella. - It was only a matter of time before The Sperminator got involved with professional wrestling. (Seems the only thing left for K-Fed to do is show up on a "baby daddy" episode of The Maury Povich Show.) He showed up at a WWE match as the villain, got body slammed, blah blah blah. I can't even enjoy the fact that he got body slammed because I know it's all fake. Just like I couldn't enjoy him playing a guy named "Pig" on a recent episode of CSI, complete with pig-face and all. Sure, it's appropriate, but why do I have to look at this guy at all?? He's just wrong. He shouldn't exist, period.

Sienna Miller Inches Closer to a Beck-Eye Bitch-Slap. - This broad just needs to get the hell out of Dodge. First she insults Pittsburgh and then she makes a "don't you know who I am" scene at a local bar because she didn't have ID. Uh, yeah Sienna, the people at the bar knew who you were, stupid. You're the bitch who just trashed their town. If you're gonna leave your ID at home, you might want to at least adopt a pleasant attitude. Of course, she denies that she threw a tantrum, but I believe that about as much as I believe her earlier snotty remarks were "taken out of context."

Kidnapped and Forgotten. - Kidnapped is one of the first casualties of the Fall TV season. It's being banished to Saturday nights and the producers were told to wrap up the storyline, which means that it won't be back next season. I guess it didn't help that some glue-sniffing programming exec at NBC decided to put it on Wednesday nights against Project frickin' Runway. Anyway...I just want Jeremy Sisto to know that I was watching. Jeremy, if you need someone's bosom to rest your sad, beautifully-maned head on, I'm here for you. And I'm a 38 D.


Lee Ann said...

Love your eye boogers.
Jen and Vince...poor babies.
I do like them as a couple better than Brad and Angelina!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Jeremy, if you need someone's bosom to rest your sad, beautifully-maned head on, I'm here for you. And I'm a 38D."

"Note to self: Get name changed to Jeremy..."

French Fancy said...

Jeez, first Sienna Miller bored everyone rigid in London and now she's moved in on your turf. You have my sympathies


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