Whore Power: Paris Defends One of Her Own

Paris Hilton is like, sooooo sweet. No wonder she's totally Britney's BFF. Since the media has been having a field day with the recent antics of K-Fed's ex, Paris decided to clear everything up, as anyone would, on MySpace. Apparently, this is an actual bulletin that was posted by Paris or whatever one of her minions runs her page:

I told Brit I'd write a bulletin on here to try to clear some news to at least the people who are on my list...

Lately, you've been seeing pics of me and Britney partying (blah blah) and she knows that some of her fans are very upset about what they call her "behavior" and sadly they're blaming the issue on her being friends with me. Yeah, me and Brit have become really close in the past few weeks, and we've gone out alot in the past few nights, but I never influence anything she does, and neither does anyone else.

Brit is her own person and she deals with her own things everyday. For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling. Britney loves her kids to death, and I know for a fact that it truly hurts her when she sees these cruel things being written about her.

She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting.

Anyone who has called her out on this should really be ashamed. There are thousands of mothers out there who like to go out and have a good time. But, you do not see people out there calling them "bad parents." She's young, and if she wants to go out and have some fun, let her. Just because she does these things does not mean she doesn't care about her children. For the sake of Britney and her kids, be kind.

Love,
Paris

Pretty good, Paris. You managed to write five whole paragraphs. Just a few things...

1. "Brit and I," you dolphin-nosed moron. "Brit and I." And "alot" = "a lot." As in, "There are a lot of mistakes in this dumb-ass bulletin."

2. "For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling." Man, I love when stupid girls try to sound intelligent. Can someone break down this sentence and explain exactly what the hell it means? It reminds me of that character Damon Wayans used to play on In Living Color, who just threw a bunch of 50-cent words around, not having any idea what any of them meant.

3. "There are thousands of mothers out there who like to go out and have a good time. But, you do not see people out there calling them 'bad parents.'" Uh, sure you do. It's just that not all bad parents are as famous or Google-able as Britney.

4. "She goes home every night to her babies...". Well, gee. Paris is right! Britney really deserves the "Mother of the Year" award for remembering to return home to her children after a long night of drinking and beav-flashing.

5. "I never influence anything she does, and neither does anyone else." This is partly true. I mean, we all knew that Britney was a skank before she ever met Paris. But c'mon...all of these little hosehounds don't influence each other? Please. Whoever said young Hollywood was like "high school with money" was dead-on. And in high school, everyone is influenced by everything. However, a simpleton like Paris Hilton certainly has no influence over me or any normal, half-educated person, which makes me wonder....if she doesn't think she's that influential, why did she bother to write this in the first place? Who does she think she's going to convince?

I'm waiting for her next bulletin defending Nicole Richie. "Thousands of girls out there get drunk and end up on the wrong side of the road, but you don't see people out there calling them bad drivers. Don't hate us 'cause we're rich and skinny. Being mean is so not hot."