Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Idol Results: 4/11/07

Hooray! My psychic powers have returned! As I predicted, Haley Scarnato was asked to turn in her hot pants and hit the bricks. I could've had the entire Bottom 3 (Haley, Chrustin & Phil) but Sunjaya's nearly-human sounding performance last night forced me to throw out everything I thought I knew about this competition. I toyed with the idea of swapping out Sunjaya for Phil, but stuck with my first instinct. Oh well. As Mr. Loaf says, two out of three ain't bad. And Haley's gone, which is all that really matters.

This was one of the few times that I've actually watched the entire results show. I usually skip it and just tune in for the last five minutes to see who gets the boot. I was reminded tonight why I do this. Wednesday nights on AI break down like so:
75% - Ryan's mugging and preening
15% - Commercials
 5% - Guest star performances
 4% - Bad '70s variety show-style action
 1% - Voting results

The opening group performance of Enrique Iglesias' "Bailamos" artfully summed up all of last night's Latin lassitude. However, it was also educational, because the audience, viewers at home and aspiring singers everywhere were treated to a lesson in harmony. For one verse, Blake and LaKisha demonstrated proper harmonizing and for another, Haley and Sunjaya proved that two wrongs can sometimes make a rightful cause for homicide.

Was that Akon guy one of the "best of the worst" from the auditions? No? He's actually at the top of the pop charts? Wow. I wish there were a way for us to vote off anyone who performs on the Idol stage. Famous or not. If they show up and suck, we get to revoke their recording contracts. Wouldn't that be fantastic? A girl can dream.

The new Ford "commercial" employed state-of-the-art digital morphing special effects. And by state-of-the-art, I mean the same crap that Michael Jackson used for his "Black or White" video 15 years ago...which was done about 7 years before that by Godley and Creme. So, yeah, dawg, it was just aight for me, man. Actually, those mandatory ads just make me cringe. If you watch them closely, you can actually see the contestants' souls leaving their bodies.

Luckily for everyone involved, J. Lo and her troupe of demons were on-hand to collect said souls. Really, what was up with the whole fiery furnace theme of her performance? I was on the phone, half-paying attention when she was introduced, and when I looked up and saw the set design, I fleetingly thought that I had inadvertently switched channels and stumbled upon Staying Alive. I was waiting for the Frank Stallone music to kick in and for Finola Hughes to come running onstage in a red leotard. Then I started thinking about John Travolta in a loincloth and blacked out for a bit. When I came to, that Chris Daughtry song was playing over a montage of Haley shaking her Finola-esque hair and other assets. Then, she was allowed to assault our ears one final time before being sent on her way.

Don't cry, Haley fans. I'm sure we'll all see her again on next season's Pussycat Dolls: The Search for One Mo' Ho or maybe even sooner, half-naked on MySpace. That seems to be the standard post-Idol path of the female castoffs.

9 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

I love the movie Staying Alive! I also love Ryan's mugging and preening. It totally made the whole show worth watching.

As far as the group sing goes, I think Haley screwed up...she made a face after delivering her first line and Sanjaya gave her the hairy eyeball.

deadspot said...

You know, I think it would be entertaining to mix actual singers (in disguise of course) into the contestants next year. I'd love to hear Simon rip some talentless hack a new one, and then have her whip off her wig to show that she's actually Gwen Stefani.

LoraLoo said...

I forwarded right through the group performance last night. This is one of those seasons where as a whole, they sound really bad.

Yay, Haley's gone!! It's about freakin' time. I still say, if Sanjaya wins, I'm not watching anymore.

cube said...

I came by via BE but the word verification area wasn't functioning. I came back because I enjoyed reading your insights into Idol & wanted to dish a bit myself.

The group song was awful. They couldn't even pronounce the word "Bailamos" properly. The accent was on the wrong syllable. The whole thing made me cringe.

There must be some kind of curse going 'cause Ross, Buble, Acorn, & JLo have all sounded less than good.

As far as the individual performances went, no one really wowed me, not even my favorite, Melinda. It did gave me new found respect for the latin singers.

Our household predicted Haley would get the boot. It was about time.

EC said...

Usually I fast forward myself, but yesterday I could not help but watch. I getting WAY too sucked in now!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog - I'm glad I found yours, that post sure made me laugh :)

Lee Ann said...

I was not a big fan of Haley, but I do think she was better than a few that have not gotten the boot yet!

BeckEye said...

Flannery - How bad of a singer does on have to be to get the "hairy eyeball" from SUNJAYA? By the way, I love that you said "hairy eyeball." I've only heard one other person use that term and it makes me laugh every time.

Deadspot - Yes, it would be fun. I think David Spade just stole this idea from me because I saw him on TV last night yip yapping about how the judges need to critique some established artists. It was kind of funny (and true) though, so I won't be mad at him.

Loraloo - He won't win. He'll just drive everyone crazy up until the Final 5. Or maybe even the Final 3.

Cube - Thanks for stopping by! Maybe none of the kids could pronounce "Bailamos" but the choreography was stunning, wasn't it? ;)

EC - Thanks for stopping by to you too. I'd hate to hear any of these contestants try "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant!" They'd murder it. Plus, they'd have to edit over half of the song away to fit into that little window of performance time.

LeeAnn - That's not saying much though, is it? :)

Deb said...

I put the button on mute for most of this show, especially during the first act (never even heard of this singer before). When the group sang, I thought they were off-key and very amateurish.

The J-Lo number was also put on mute and I wondered how many households were doing the same since only a small portion could understand the words. This is AMERICAN IDOL.

Hayley, I actually liked, and felt Phil should have been given the boot. Sanjaya still rules though, and if he ever gets to the bottom three and (can you imagine) wins, that's it for this cookie.

The Randomness said...

lol you crack me up always. I didnt watch the results show but you wrote it so well I can perfectly see the scene of crime

 

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