Tuesday, May 08, 2007

American Idol Top 4: Tuesday Night Slight Temperature

Tonight's AI mentor is Barry Gibb, who looks kinda the same as he did in the '70s except for the wrinkles and mane of gray hair. He's either gotten very old or he just dyed his head because he's a huge Taylor Hicks fan. Only his chest hair stylist knows for sure.

Melinda Doolittle kicks off the evening with the groovy Bee Gee's tune, "Love You Inside Out." I've always liked this song, and Melinda is doing a good job as usual. She's really got a Gladys Knight vibe going on right now. However, I'm starting to get bored with Melinda because she always sounds great, but never brings anything new. Randy and Simon seem a bit bored as well, and Paula somehow verbalizes exactly what I was just thinking. I am relating to Paula. I'm scared. Simon, please hold me!

Next up, Blake Lewis is attempting the disco classic, "You Should Be Dancing." I can't hear this song without picturing my beloved John's big solo dance number from Saturday Night Fever. Blake's just lucky that Tony, Joey and Double J weren't in the audience for this performance, because they would've kicked the crap out of him backstage. Blake isn't pulling off the falsetto at all, and what's up with all the "yeah-eh-eh-ehs?" It sounds like morse code! I keep trying to tap out "S.O.S...please make it stop" on my remote control, but no one is responding. The "beatboxing" isn't even really beatboxing this time around. He just sounds like someone who forgot the words and is filling in the spaces with a lot of jibberish and dee-dee-dee-doo-doo-ing. Randy and Simon are not impressed, but of course Paula has to find some sort of silver lining. She seems to think that just being "unique" is good enough. If that were true, Sanjaya would still be around. I think Paula is just clinging to the only guy left in the competition. Even at her most crazy and drunk, she couldn't have enjoyed Blake's mangling of this song.

LaKisha Jones slows down "Stayin' Alive" and tries to do the Manero strut across the stage. I think LaKisha is having a lot of fun with this song, and I dig her little lyrical change that turns "I'm a dancing man" into "I'm a dancing sista." None of the judges like the performance, but I'm not sure why. They don't even know why. They don't know what they want half the time. They'll tell the finalists to be original and make the songs their own one minute, and the next they'll complain that the songs are being changed too much. I think KiKi is doing really well tonight, regardless of what the Three Stooges say. I am annoyed though that LaKisha completely disregarded Barry Gibb's advice to sing at the high end of her range. Isn't this like the third time she's ignored a mentor?

Barry Gibb asserts that Jordin Sparks' version of "To Love Somebody" is the best he's heard. Wow, I bet that announcement prompted His Royal Hackness, Michael Bolton, to go cry in a corner and pull out what's left of his hair. Since his version is the only one I've ever heard, I'll have to agree with Barry that Jordin's is the best. Randy makes a Mariah comparison without actually mentioning that he's worked with her. (Write this day down in history, folks.) Just as I'm thinking, Jordin's vocal is the best of the night so far, Paula says those exact words. Okay, this is getting really frightening. She's the last person I want to be in sync with.

Before the cycle starts all over and each of the Final 4 perform for the second time, FOX reminds me that an all new House is coming up after the show. Ooh, this is going to be the toughest case of House's career! At least since last week and until next week. Can I just mention really quickly that I think this is one of the dumbest shows on TV right now? I've only half-watched it twice, and both times House pulled the most obscure, bizarre prognosis out of his ass to save the day. For 45 minutes, no one can figure out why a seemingly healthy man's heart is failing, and then House suddenly has an epiphany that a piece of the guy's bellybutton lint worked its way inside his body and is stuck in his pulmonary valve. Then everyone tries to tell House how great he is, but he remains maddeningly gruff.

Sorry for that extended commercial break. And...we're back.

Melinda's second song is "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" I've always liked this song, and Melinda is doing a good job as usual. She's really got a Gladys Knight vibe going on right now. Wait. Didn't I already say this? Well, what else can I really say? Even Randy can't come up with anything but a lot of yo yo yos and yeah yeah yeahs. Paula compares Melinda to Stephanie Mills. Thank God she didn't say Gladys Knight.

Blake pulls out the relatively unknown Bee Gee's tune, "This Is Where I Came In." Even though Barry Gibb finds this choice "obscure," I actually remember this song! It's better than Blake's sorry first attempt, but it's still rather bland and even a bit annoying. This is an unfortunate night in Blake Land. I was expecting good things from him and he's really disappointed me. Randy and Simon are, once again, not impressed. Paula makes nicey-nice and then makes the little-too-late request, "What about 'Jive Talkin'?" In case you don't remember, I suggested that song for Blake last week. Damn you, Paula...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

LaKisha gets another shot with "Run To Me," a song that I've never heard. Even though she doesn't quite reach that final note, she sings this very well. The judges all agree that this performance is better than her first, but they all look like they're about to nod off.

Jordin follows up her earlier "best vocal of the night" with a take on "Woman in Love," a song popularized by Barbra Streisand. She falls a bit flat on this go-round, and it seems like she's trying too hard to imitate Babs. I think she might even be wearing a prosthetic nose. No, no...that was just a shadow. This song isn't waking up any of the judges and they give Jordin just average marks. Finally, Simon and I get back in sync when he tells Jordin that the performance was very old-fashioned. I don't understand why she would do two ballads. That's a pretty dumb move, as far as I'm concerned. The Gibbs have written so many fun songs, and she chose a couple of cheesy slow jams. She's only 17! Did you all know that? Randy forgot to tell her tonight, so Simon saves the day and reminds her.

It's hard to say who will go home tomorrow night. You know, none of these punks took my song choice advice from last week, so they can all get voted off for all I care. The nerve! But since that's unlikely to happen...

Blake is the only one who bombed both songs tonight, so he should rightfully be sent packing. However, since he's the only guy left and he's Chris's BFF, he'll probably get most of the all-important teen girl votes, which would be bad news for LaKisha. So, even though my head is telling me that Blake is d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duh-duh-d-d-d-d-done, my AI intuition has me convinced that it'll be bye-bye KiKi, bye-bye.


Les Becker said...

I'm glad I missed AI this time 'round by the sounds of it... but House?! How can you not like HOUSE?! He's hilarious, telling his bosses, his students and his patients all where to go, the druggie. He's too cool.

Dale said...

You were right about everything including House (which I've never seen but that's no reason not to adopt your opinion) and I hope they just send Blake packing although he's a marketable entity. This has to go down as one of the most boring nights ever in AI history. Chest hair stylist - that's hilarious. Do what you can to distance yourself from Paula though. She's poison.

Travis said...

I think it's either Blake or LaKisha and I hope it's Blake. I've really had enough of him.

Tanya Espanya said...

And where was Andy Gibb in all of this? Yeah...that would have added some excitement...he was so cute...

LoraLoo said...

I agree with you about "House". Can't get into it, at all. Yet they cancel shows like "Drive"... whatevah!

I hope tonight isn't Blake's turn on the block. He was having some issues last night, and it really is time to stop the beat boxing once in awhile.

Scott said...

This was the first time I've seen Blake perform, and I'm dumbfounded as to how he could've reached the final four. Was the competition just really weak this season? He looked like a complete idiot!

I don't see any stars in this batch. Melinda and Jordin are great singers, but they have no star power. They should call off the rest of this season and declare no winner.

And House is the worst show in the history of television.

deadspot said...

If I'd known Hugh Laurie needed the money that badly, I'd have sent him five bucks.

kellypea said...

You are so hilarious! I can just see you writing while this is going on -- or do you wait? I'll completely agree with you on the Blakster. Ugh. I think he got puffy last week, so went back to his favorite beepin' and honkin' but crashed. And the falsetto was bad. Thin, whiney. Yuck. I'm thinking he's going for sure. I think Lakeesha will get the sympathy vote from lots of the underdog crowd that has been hovering. It's all going to be between Melinda and Jordin. Regardless of what's going on with Jordin right now, I think she may pull it off. I wanted McPhee to win last year, and well -- the grey hair won.

cube said...

I'm betting on Blake going home. My teeny bopper daughters were big fans of his at the start & even they can't stand him or the beatbox anymore.

BeeGees music was difficult for the gang. So was Latino music. So was Country. Anybody know what's in store for next week?

I'm sorry that you're channeling Paula. Those are some scary vibes.
But I did think of you when Jive Talkin was conspiciously left off Flake's repertoire.

Tanya Espanya said...

They should have had Hugh Laurie singing...and then give his own diagnosis.

Les Becker said...

I have done a bad, bad thing. I have tagged you on a meme on my blog. Sorry.

But Hey! I posted! I posted!

BeckEye said...

Les - I'm sorry, but House is a Doctor of Jackassery.

Dale - I knew I was right about everything, but you know how much I love it when you say it.

Travis - Sorry pal, it was KiKi!

Tanya - I know, I've been humming "I Just Want to Be Your Everything" all week long! Remember when he hosted "Solid Gold?" Those were the days.

Loraloo - I never saw "Drive" but the commercials didn't really appeal to me. You liked it?

Scott - Blake has actually been really cool through most of the competition. Last night was his absolute worst. And I know what you mean about no true "stars."

Deadspot - Maybe they should have another charity show, "FOX Takes House Back." People can call in to pay the producers to take it off the air.

Kellypea - I do write while I'm watching, but then I edit my thoughts a lot while I'm writing. I have a feeling that Jordin will win too. Simply because she's younger than Melinda.

Cube - I hope you didn't lay down a very hefty bet!

Tanya - Yeah, House and Cowell could have a "grumpy critique" contest.

Les - Arrrgh! Ok, well let me have a look at this thing called meme.

Bond said...

Did I mention how much I hate this season?


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