Prison Orange is the New Black

On Friday, Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail. Coming on the heels of Joe Francis's incarceration, it made me wonder if a new law had passed that banned wretched human beings from society. No such luck. Turns out Paris is going to jail for driving without a license, which was suspended in January after a drunk-driving arrest.

Now Hilton's lawyer is appealing to have the sentence reduced or modified because he believes that Paris was "selectively targeted for prosecution for who she is." Well, who is she? A spoiled, drunken ass with no respect for the law, who can't even figure out how to turn her headlights on because she's too busy sending text messages? That sounds about right. I'm missing the part where the judge was unfair.

As much as I think she deserves to be put in the klink, I'm sure this will only make Paris more famous. After she gets out, she'll probably want to record a rap album or star in a movie version of Prisoner Cell Block H.

Of course, it's not like Paris is being thrown in the general population at San Quentin. She's heading to the Century Regional Detention Center in L.A., where she'll be segregated from the other prisoners for safety reasons. This is the same place where Lost nut-job, Michelle Rodriguez, opted to do time instead of serving community service. Then she was released after serving only three days of a two-month sentence, due to overcrowding. So, it's entirely possible that Paris won't spend all 45 days inside anyway. I hope she does, but I won't be surprised if they try to scare her straight with a day or two in jail and then put her on mansion arrest, complete with a stylish ankle monitor studded with Swarovsky crystals. So don't worry, Paris fans. She'll be back to weaving in and out of freeway traffic in no time.