Saturday, May 05, 2007

Prison Orange is the New Black

On Friday, Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail. Coming on the heels of Joe Francis's incarceration, it made me wonder if a new law had passed that banned wretched human beings from society. No such luck. Turns out Paris is going to jail for driving without a license, which was suspended in January after a drunk-driving arrest.

Now Hilton's lawyer is appealing to have the sentence reduced or modified because he believes that Paris was "selectively targeted for prosecution for who she is." Well, who is she? A spoiled, drunken ass with no respect for the law, who can't even figure out how to turn her headlights on because she's too busy sending text messages? That sounds about right. I'm missing the part where the judge was unfair.

As much as I think she deserves to be put in the klink, I'm sure this will only make Paris more famous. After she gets out, she'll probably want to record a rap album or star in a movie version of Prisoner Cell Block H.

Of course, it's not like Paris is being thrown in the general population at San Quentin. She's heading to the Century Regional Detention Center in L.A., where she'll be segregated from the other prisoners for safety reasons. This is the same place where Lost nut-job, Michelle Rodriguez, opted to do time instead of serving community service. Then she was released after serving only three days of a two-month sentence, due to overcrowding. So, it's entirely possible that Paris won't spend all 45 days inside anyway. I hope she does, but I won't be surprised if they try to scare her straight with a day or two in jail and then put her on mansion arrest, complete with a stylish ankle monitor studded with Swarovsky crystals. So don't worry, Paris fans. She'll be back to weaving in and out of freeway traffic in no time.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh absolutely. You could not be more correct, I'm afraid. And I would venture to say that soon all the bobble-headed PH wannabees will be drunkenly weaving their daddy's bmws around just so they can have a bit of prison cred as well.

lonnie said...

PLEASE don't let her drop the soap.....

Layla (aka Barbara) said...

So how much special treatment do you think she'll get? I bet they'll allow cameras in and make a reality show out of it.

LoraLoo said...

If she even steps foot in jail - her 45 day sentence would probably be reduced to like 7 days.

Lee Ann said...

It will be bigger publicity for her after it is over!
Remember Martha? You do probably now more than before she went to jail.
OMG...we are in trouble!! hahah

Have a great week!
What are your seven?

Writeprocrastinator said...

Instead of cake with a file in it, how about one with a picture of that putz that released the porn DVD?

cube said...

It's not like Paris is going to a prison run by Ida Lupino! She'll be uncomfortable, but they'll keep her safe for the partial sentence she will end up serving.

BTW I didn't know that Michelle Rodriguez, a.k.a. the Resident Evil nutjob only served 5% of her sentence.

Perhaps Paris' lawyers will see to it that she doesn't serve any time at all.

What I'd like to know how someone so rich didn't just pay someone to
drive her around?

Alecia said...

She should have just had Brit pick her up and drive her around with her on her lap.

Anonymous said...

Can I do the body cavity search?



Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine