Monday, August 13, 2007

C'Mon Britney, You Can Do Better

It feels like forever since Britney served up a nice, big, steaming plate of crazy for us all to feast on. Now she's back in the news for...partying and making out with some random college dude in a hot tub? Like we can't just flip on The Real World at any given time and see something ten times more shocking?

Honey, you are Britney F'ing Spears! The Britney I know would've blown up that hot tub with an M-80, then skateboarded naked to the nearest 7-11 where you would've deep throated an entire case of beef jerky and vomited it back up into the Slurpee machine. Then when the police and bomb squad showed up, you would've tried to convince everyone that you were actually Ashlee Simpson. This run-of-the-mill hot tub display is just pathetic. Get it together, girl.

By the way, am I the only one who thought Brit's make out partner was Jim Carrey? That cover photo could easily be a still from Dumb and Dumber-er-er.

And since we're on the subject of pictures...did everyone see the ones of me with Glenn Tilbrook? Oh no, I won't stop talking about it any time soon.

24 comments:

Malcolm: said...

That guy does look like a younger Jim Carrey. In the photo, who would be dumber-er-er... Brit or the frat boy?

chelene said...

He definitely looks like Jim Carrey. Better-looking but skeevier, if you know what I mean.

Les Becker said...

I think that IS Jim Carrey. And I would know, being Canadian and all.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

ewww! ewww! ewww! The thought of Britney and Jim Carrey bumping uglies makes ME want to vomit into the Slurpee machine!

Sure wish I could see a picture of Beckeye and Glen instead.

Allison said...

I actually had to get my glasses because I did think it was Jim Carrey. Yet as Chelene says, this dude looks much skeevier.

Sparky Duck said...

This boy is way to excited for his 15 minutes of fame

Writeprocrastinator said...

Ooooh, can I play "Puck" on this new version of "The Real World: Britney Rears?" I can't do snot rockets or ride a bicycle to save my life, but I can be real obnoxious.

Bond said...

Ah Brit has fallen to hanging with commoners and yes he does look like J.C.

cube said...

Definitely Jim Carrey's doppleganger. You're right, Brit-Nee could do better. Maybe Glen? Just kidding.

Rhet said...

"...partying and making out with some random college dude in a..."

As in pure capriciousness?
Or was it a statistically significant random sample?

Lee Ann said...

haha...Britney does make a good source for a wild story.

YES...HE TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE JIM CARREY...whoa!

Alice said...

oh brit! i thought we learned our lesson when you tried to marry a commoner that one time and momma made you get it annulled.

Turnbaby said...

LOL

You and Glenn *sigh*

deadspot said...

When I saw this on the Soup I was disappointed. I expect crazier celebrity craziness. You're supposed to be spinning out of control here, Britney. Call me. I'll give you some pointers.

I mean, anyone can end up in a hot tub with a college student. Right? That happens...

Molie said...

I think it's pretty odd that she is sporting a hat in a hot tub.

Did she take off the hat undress then put the hat back on before climbing in the hot tub? C'mon US Weekly I want answers!

Bubs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bubs said...

What's great is that skeevy college dude is talking to the tabloids. Seriously, Brit is on her way to Tara Reid-land, where it'll be like, "oh, yeah, Britney's getting naked again, whatever". You're right, stuff like booze-fueled topless aquatic makeout sessions with random dudes just seem so humdrum now compared to all her past antics. Would we have been more impressed if she'd suddenly pulled out an umbrella and tried to harpoon the young man?

This does make me look forward to her upcoming custody battle with K-Fed Ex. She's showing the same mothering skills as your average Chicago DCFS mom whose kids go up in spaceheater fires at Christmastime. Bleak.

Dale said...

I thought it was Jim Scarey too. I would love to hear Mary Hart try and intro the naked skateboarding and sloppy Slurpeeing.

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

I bet Jim Carey is bummed, and what's her name too....what's his gfs name? Jenny something?

I hope K-Fed gets the kids in the custody thing, at least till she can settle down long enough to be a mother or get help for her illnesses.

X. Dell said...

(1) Yes. We saw the picture of you and your Squeeze.

(2) How is what Spears did different than any male pop star who finds a woman at random? Okay, so the women write books about the incident, not magazine articles. Still, I can't imagine this as being any more shocking than the thought of rubbing my fingers through Spears' head stubble.

Beth said...

I like my Brit barefoot and clutchin' a Big Gulp. Feels like high school all over again.

And please don't stop milkin' the Tilbrook. I wouldn't.

Lee Ann said...

Hope your Wednesday is rockin'!
=)

LoraLoo said...

Britney? Sigh. She's so done, why are the tabloids still givin' her love?

I fully expect you to milk the Glen Tilbrook pictures forevah! I would!

Moxie said...

Yep, he looks like Jim Carrey. And I have to tell you that when I saw that pic of you and Glenn Tillbrook on Beth's blog, I thought, "Wow, they look a lot alike, no wonder they are in love." I had no clue that was the dude from Squeeze.

 

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