Wednesday, August 01, 2007

These Questions are Making Me Thirsty

Beth recently asked me to answer five random questions because...I dunno. She's obsessed with me or something. And why not? I'm incredibly interesting and my boobs are real. Yes, Bret Michaels, that combination is possible.

These are some great questions, and I think the idea is for me to answer and then come up with five more to ask a few other folks. I want to play along, but I'm kind of brain dead right now, so I'll have to hold off on the question creation until a later date. Luckily, the part of my brain that handles answering seems to be working okay, so I can complete Phase I of this mini-interview.

1. Who was your Tiger Beat crush? Do you still find him cute?

Certainly not Leif Garrett. I think anyone who's even skimmed over my blog once might already know that it's John Travolta. My first love. Do I still find him cute? Abso-frickin-lutely. And after seeing him in Hairspray, gracefully dancing in a fat suit and heels (while I can't even walk in heels), I've discovered a whole new level of admiration for him that I didn't know existed.

2. You’re the new hot voice out there, and everyone wants to play with you. Who do you pick to play in your backup band?
Arrgh. I hate these kinds of questions where I have to narrow a gigantic list down to just a few. I'm also still laughing uproariously at the idea of me being the "hot new voice." Courtney Love can out-sing me. Anyway, if we're dreaming, I'd have two guitarists who switch leads. The first would be Eric Clapton because he's Eric Frickin' Clapton. The second would be Glenn Tilbrook because he's an amazing talent who never got to show the world his mad guitar skills while with Squeeze. He would also provide backing vocals, harmony vocals and duet with me as often as possible. And maybe we'd get married. Then I'd put Lee Rocker on bass, because stand-up basses are totally kick-ass. I'd want Max Weinberg on drums (sorry, Conan) and Clarence Clemons to come in when I needed a bit of sax. I guess I'd put Billy Joel on keys because he is the Piano Man, after all. (And by keys I just mean the piano keys. We'd have to keep him away from the keys to the tour bus.) Then I'd have a revolving door of harmony vocalists/tambourinists like Eddie Vedder (whom I would marry if it didn't work out with Tilbrook), Stevie Nicks, Maria McKee and whoever the hell else I want. And I can get them too, because I'm the hot new voice!

3. What’s your favorite curse word? When do you use it?
Well, I very much enjoy the "F" word, but I tend to say "balls" more than anything. Is that considered a curse word? If not, it should be. I also tend to splice curses together that really don't make sense, like my usual "Mother of shit."

4. What’s your guilty pleasure TV show, the one you’re almost embarrassed to admit you watch?

Okay, so I've probably said before that I don't believe in the term "guilty pleasure." I don't care if other people don't approve of the things that I enjoy. There have been a few times where I've actually disgusted myself for watching something, because it seemed to go against everything I am, but in general I don't hide my enthusiasm for trashy entertainment. Mostly I get made fun of for watching way too much children's programming. Specifically, when my nieces were younger, I used to practically force them to watch Wishbone. It was about a Jack Russell who read books and imagined himself as different characters. It really wasn't that interesting, but I was such a sucker for that dog. And it had a great theme song.

5. Which is your very favorite bauble?
I'm assuming we're talking about jewelry, which I don't have much of. I pretty much have one ring, my birthstone, that I always wear. I'm not a very good accessorizer. Feel free to nominate me for What Not to Wear. Also, I love the homonym "bobble." Such a fun word to say.


Beth said...

Totally obsessed with you; it's the real boobs. Great answers! Except that Mr. Tilbrook will be mine, child; he's seen my real boobs.

Bond said...

So, they are real....Well that is excellent....So were your answers...thanks

Artful Dodger said...

Wishbone!!! Suddenly I'm back to coming home after school and watching Wishbone and eating Cheeto's. Good memories. ^_^

Anonymous said...

"...I'm incredibly interesting and my boobs are real...."

If a tad unmolested of late.

"...I love the homonym "bobble." Such a fun word to say...."

Bulbous bouffant

I too love the sounds of language

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Gee, you liked John Travolta? Hmm, never saw that one coming!

I love Wishbone - never ever feel guilty about that. Besides there are handclaps in the theme song.

Tanya Espanya said...

My favourite bobble is that one you do...You know, when you cross your eyes and act all goofy? Yeah, that one. ;)

X. Dell said...

Pretty interesting combo you got there. If you ever got it together, we should form a betting pool as to whose ego will pop first, and when.

jin said...

LMAO at your opening paragraph!

Great interview...I love reading these!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Hurray for real boobs!...

...oh yeah, "interesting" is good, too.

Allison said...

I have never heard "mother of shit" before, I must work this into the everyday.

Wishbone was a cute show, and now the theme song is lodged into my brain. But as Barbara mentioned, has handclaps, doesn't get better than that!

David Amulet said...

Good choices, I'll admit.

But I'm a bit disappointed tha you didn't select me to duet with you. Sure, you've never heard me sing ... but you should somehow have known that I'd take you from the "hot new voice" to "co-founder of universally transcendental post-modern civilization" through our stirring cover of Kenny Loggins and Stevie Nicks' "Whenever I Call You Friend."

-- david

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

I wonder if all the women with fake boobs are starting to regret their decision since its become pretty apparent lately that men like to look at the fake ones, but prefer the real ones for real life.

Anyhow, your list is great. I used to watch Wishbone too!

I love your band, when can I hear you play :)

Johnny Yen said...

I used to work with Lee Rocker's ex-wife.

I loved Wishbone when Adam watched it!

cube said...

Well, now I feel like I know the real you ;-)

My daughters went through a Wishbone period so I'm very familiar with that show. Actually, it wasn't as disgusting as others I've seen.

As far as fun words go, the champion for me is Potrzebie. I
also like to say any words that end in with -ft, e.g., raft, daft, Taft, ect.

Tootsie said...

You seem to forget to mention the real reason you loved Wishbone....You used to dress up your own dog. Poor Chuck and the humiliation he went through.

Dale said...

Just once I want to be able to say 'I'm with the band'. Can I come along for the ride? So to speak.

Excellent questions, wonderful answers.

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks for the brilliant Seinfeld reference; my dad would love you.

With you on the "What Not to Wear." I'd almost walk around for a few months looking like crap just so I could get on the show. Feel free to nominate me as well.

LoraLoo said...

Gee, you like John Travolta? Had no idea. LOL

I especially liked "Mother of shit"... I may just give that a shot next time I stub my toe.

BeckEye said...

Beth - After Monday night, Mr. Tilbrook will be acquainted with my gals too. Then we can cat-fight.

Bond - Why, you're welcome!

Artful Dodger - Ugh, Cheetos. Never could stand them.

Rhet - How do you know I've been unmolested lately?

Barbara - John Travolta and hand claps. Two things that make life worth living.

Tanya - Yes. I do that every time I see John Travolta.

X.Dell - I think I picked a group of guys with healthy egos, not overblown ones. Although I've heard Stevie Nicks can be kind of a diva at times, so the day she came to sing back-up would probably start out great and end horribly. I still love her though.

Jin - Thanks...and welcome to the blog!

WP - "Interesting" is always the after-thought, isn't it?

Allison - You'd be surprised how well "Mother of shit" rolls off the tongue. That's why I use it so often; it just comes out.

David - Did you know that I've always wanted to sing that at karaoke? No matter that I'm a horrible singer. It's one of my favorite cheesy soft-rock songs.

Barbara - Hopefully my real boobs and I can convince all those awesome guys to form a band with me and then we'll be coming to a backyard near you asap.

Johnny - Did she go by the name "Rocker?" It would be so awesome to be "Mrs. Rocker."

Cube - Wishbone was a bit boring, but you're right, it definitely was one of the better kids' shows. I mean, have you seen Boobah and The Wiggles?

Tootsie - I knew I could count on you to bring it up.

Dale - Of course you can be our groupie.

CP - Is your Dad single and rich? I'm always on the lookout for a sugar daddy.

Lora - When I stub my toe I usually do the "mouth agape but no sound comes out" thing. And then I just mutter "who the fuck put that chair there?"


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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