Wednesday, September 26, 2007

ANTM 9, Week 2 (With Just a Dash of Top Chef)

When it comes to the Top Chef recaps, I leave all the slicing and dicing to my pal, Deadspot. I just have a couple of comments about tonight's episode.

1. I'm bummed that Brian was the one voted off. He sure was a cutie. Not quite that delicious dork Ilan, but just goony enough for my taste.

2. I had to laugh when Hung, the unwitting star of reality show-within-a reality show, Everybody Hates Hung, said early in the episode, "I am who I am today because of my mother." Boy, I would love to have been a fly on the wall at his parents' house when that aired. Something tells me that Mama Hung's response was something along the lines of, "Oh great. Now everyone thinks I'm a giant douche."

Now on to the mod squad...

I actually missed the first 10 minutes of America's Next Top Model tonight, but I'm sure that's no biggie. The first 5 are usually highlights of what happened last week. And those highlights usually look a lot like what's coming up. I think all I really missed was the girls moving into the Top Model house. If you've seen it one year, that's all you need. They all scream about how they can't believe how big it is, cliques are formed and one bitch always complains about wanting her own room or something. Big deal.

As for today's photo shoot, the theme is smokin'! Actually, the photos are literally about smoking. More specifically, they are to depict the diseases and side effects that can be caused by smoking. Everyone seems to do a pretty good job, especially with the disgusting makeup used for the "side effect" shots. They've got one girl holding a dead fetus, one with a hole in her throat and one losing her hair from chemotherapy. Mila would have us all believe that chemotherapy is super happy fun time, by the way she's carrying on and laughing at her new "look." What a buffoon.

Backstage, Bianca and Lisa start yip-yapping at each other. Lisa tells Bianca that she acts stuck-up, and Bianca shoots back by telling Lisa that an exotic dancer will never be America's Next Top Model. Oh, Bianca, "you wanna take it to that level?" Apparently, Bianca does. I guess calling someone out for being a snob is Level 1 and calling someone out for being a stripper is Level 2. I can't wait to find out what Level 3 is!!

Back at the house, everyone decides to play that old girly game, Let's Make Fun of The Quiet One. Even after Heather tells everyone that she has Asperger's Syndrome and explains what it is, the cats refuse to retract their claws. Kimberly (aka The Girl Who's Kidding Herself if She Thinks She's as Hot as Adriana Lima) gives everyone a brilliant lecture about Asperger's, stressing that no one should be too friendly with Heather because "people like that" are very clingy, and she doesn't want to be the weird girl's "go-to girl." Kimberly should be glad this isn't America's Next Top Human Being, or she would be out on her non-Lima-looking ass.

Miss J. talks to the girls about style and sends them all to...Old Navy? Their challenge is to make a modelesque outfit out of basic items, which they will be judged on at panel. Yes, because, we all know that all top models shop at Old Navy.

Heather calls her mom and cries about not fitting in. Believe me, honey, you don't want to fit in with most of these broads.

Time for judges' panel and - oh yes - the return of Nigel Barker. Woof. The very cute and bubbly Saleisha wins the clothing contest and is rewarded with a $1000 Old Navy shopping spree. Yay! Truckloads of crappy fleece vests and cargo pants! Oh but wait, she also gets to do an Old Navy ad. I guess that's cool.

To go with the smoking theme, Tyra announces that this season is going to be a smoke-free one. Jenah, who claims to have just quit, looks like she's ready to jam a carton of Lucky Strikes up Tyra's booty.

During judging, all of the girls get fairly good marks on their photos, but Mila's and Ebony's are the weakest of the bunch. In the end, it comes down to those two and Mila is the one sent packing. She doesn't cry, as is the norm, but looks strangely calm. She's either completely unaware of what's going on, expertly reigning in her emotions, daydreaming about sunshine and lollipops or secretly planning to plant a pipe bomb in the Top Model pad. It's so hard to tell with her.

Next week, more catfights are promised. Maybe someone will finally bring it to Level 3. Can't wait!

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Writeprocrastinator said...

Dear Becky,

Dagnabbit woman! Spoiler alerts please for Top Chef!


Has To Work At Night

Alice said...

i have now missed ANTM two weeks in a row, and it's killing me a little inside. i may have to start reading your recaps since it appears i will NEVER SEE THE SHOW MYSELF. *sob*

cube said...

Love Top Chef. Hate Hung like I used to hate Wolverine from last season. I will be happy with anybody but Hung.

Skylers Dad said...

Level 3 is a fight with straight razors.

pistols at dawn said...

Man, this is way better than watching it. I should get all my favorite shows recapped by you, and then weep at a life so busy I need to outsource my TV watching.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking maybe Casey would win it but now I'm leaning towards Dale.

Hung will hang himself.

X. Dell said...

I don't think Lucky Strikes is Jenah's brand. She strikes me as more of a menthol kind of person.

Travis said...

So some of the contestants on this model show find the side effects of cancer treatments humorous, and think that shunning someone with a social disorder is acceptable behavior.

Dale said...

Am I in Top Chef? Cool. I hope I'm not a giant douche like in real life.

Was Mila the one who they said looked like she was lifting her leg to fart? Great recap and much more entertaining. I can't wait for someone to get caught smoking on camera and have Tyra beat on them.

Dale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lee Ann said...

I haven't seen it in a while. Simply because I have thought it was a rerun each time it has come on, so I elected to watch something else.
Hope you have a super weekend, but you must come visit me at the Castle and watch me dance....I am doing it just for you!
Lee Ann


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