Wednesday, October 03, 2007

ANTM 9, Week 3

This week on America's Next Top Model, it's all about extremes.

Bianca and Saleisha kick things off by demonstrating the never-ending battle between good and evil. Bianca pretends to be friends with Kimberly while giving her intentionally bad modeling advice. Then she bitches about how Heather's Asperger's Syndrome actually gives her an advantage in the competition, because it helps her get by on pity. Hisssssss. Saleisha is pretty and bubbly and nice to everyone, especially Heather. Yayyyyyyy. In the face of such sweetness, sour girl Bianca forgets all about last week's tiff with Lisa and marks Saleisha as her new target.

All of the girls visit the "Fashion Madhouse," which is supposed to look like a haunted psych ward with Miss J. as head nurse. No, it's not a fun Halloween activity, it's all a set-up for more runway lessons! Instead of life preservers, this time the ladies have to walk in heels while wearing straitjackets. In the event that any of the girls really becomes a supermodel in the future, this exercise will prepare them for that trip to Bellevue after the inevitable, coke-fueled freak-out.

The ladies go back home so that Bianca and Saleisha can fight. Bianca talks about how great she is and mentions her "signature walk" 500 times. Then, Saleisha talks about how she has more modeling experience than anyone else. Bianca and Kimberly boo-hoo about Saleisha's supposed upper hand, and after a million annoying questions from Bianca, Saleisha finally explodes. The two have the standard face-off with plenty of loud talking and hand-waving. I'm not sure what either one is saying because they're each having their part of the conversation simultaneously, and no one is listening. All I get out of it is that Bianca is only 18 and Saleisha is a "grown-ass woman."

Now it's on this week's challenge, which ties into Miss J.'s earlier walking lesson. Everyone gets to walk in a hastily thrown together fashion show for Colleen Quen, a designer who makes very expensive dresses that no one but Bjork would wear. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean couture gowns. The challenge is to see which girl can walk the best in a somewhat restrictive garment, and the winner is Saleisha. As you can imagine, Bianca is thrilled. Especially since winning means that Saleisha gets to walk in Quen's Paris show later this year. Ooh, you just know Bianca wants to put her foot up Saleisha's grown-ass.

After the challenge, the modelettes head over to the photo shoot. This shoot is all about the juxtaposition of grit and glamour, as the ladies are sent up rock-climbing walls in high-fashion gowns and dramatic makeup. Some of the girls admit to being afraid of heights, but none of them has a weepy, attention-seeking breakdown. Kimberly and Bianca look like they're fighting an uphill battle, while Heather, Saleisha and Ambreal really rock. Jenah is just plain fierce, girl. Seems her years as a rock-climbing instructor have given her a leg up on the competition.

Back at home, Saleisha grows more likeable by the second and seems to have bonded with Heather, the girl everyone else seems happy to avoid and ridicule. Bianca shows flashes of humanity, but then remembers that she's this year's troublemaker and quickly swallows it. I'm not sure when Bianca stole the "bitch" role away from Ebony. But Ebony really needs to take it back because, without it, I doubt she'll last long in this competition.

At panel, Tyra insists on speaking in a quasi-French accent to introduce the judges. Then she asks the rhetorical question, "Why are we talking like we're in French?" Oh, models. Drink your milk. Stay in school.

Most of the girls get good feedback from the judges on their pictures, especially Jenah, Ambreal and Heather. Everyone thinks Kimberly's photo is very drab, and her body position makes her look like she just slammed into the rock wall. Bianca's pics draw mixed results. Well, everyone hates it but Tyra. (Of course Tyra would stick up for the drama queen. She is one of the producers, after all.) When the judges ask why Bianca looks so mean in her shot, she explains that Mr. Jay told her to focus on one emotion, so she picked the easiest one - anger! Bianca. Girl, you're going places. If you don't win ANTM, there's always Charm School.

Finally, the judges deliberate and put Kimberly and Bianca in the bottom two. You know Diva isn't going anywhere, so Kimberly gets the boot. Finally, Adriana Lima can stop worrying about her job.

Next week - makeovers! Get ready for piles o' hair and plenty o' tears!

Technorati tags: , , ,


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wait a minute, they're going to makeover models? Aren't models BORN made over?

pistols at dawn said...

Could you do a brief analysis from a man's point of view, as to who has the most majestic breasts?

Dale said...

Bjork wouldn't even wear some of that shit they had on! I winced when she said 'in French' and wondered if you'd heard it too. Models, bringing us closer together, one claw at a time.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine