Thursday, October 11, 2007

ANTM 9, Week 4

On last night's episode of America's Next Top Model, the remaining hopefuls learned that models are not born, but made. And given weaves. Unless they already have weaves, then those weaves must be ripped out to make room for other weaves.

Before all of the makeovers, the girls relaxed at the Top Model pad and chit-chatted. Yale nerd, Victoria, went on and on about how she never considered modeling, so it was never her dream like it is for most of the other girls. Then Saleisha explained how modeling was her dream and she wants it so bad that she's never going to be in the Bottom 2. If the foreshadowing would've gotten any heavier, we would've found ourselves in the middle of an Edgar Allen Poe story.

Moving on to the salon...

The makeover artists did a lot of bobbing and weaving, and hardly made anyone cry. They saved all the trauma for mean girl Bianca, whose purple hair was supposedly much too damaged to fix. Solution? They went Britney on her ass! Actually, the stylist didn't shave her completely bald, but just gave her a very close buzz-cut. Jay also gave her a custom-made, long, honey-brown wig to wear for photo shoots, but she ended up looking ten times better with no hair. Now someone just needs to shave some of the jagged edges from her attitude.

And now, the befores and afters...

Ambreal - Super-close cut.

Bianca- Honey-blonde waves with the wig; G.I. Jane without.

Chantal - Reese Witherspoon bangs and extensions.

Ebony - Out with the old weave and in with the new. Cher hair with a center part.

Heather - Not much change, which is good. A few highlights.

Janet - A Winona cut and super-dark color.

Jenah - Lots of extensions for long, blonde waves.

Lisa - Kind of a short, poodle-do. They were supposed to give her bangs, but I don't see 'em.

Saleisha - Heavy bangs and flapper-esque bob.

Sarah - Shaggy, piecy, short blondish mop.

Victoria - Highlights. Whoopie.

After all the excitement of the makeovers died down, the gals all sashayed over to their next challenge. There to greet them in some empty hall was the luscious Nigel and...his wife!? Who the hell asked her to come? Booooo!!!

For the challenge, the modelettes had to get into robes, do their makeup, select dresses from a bunch of racks and get out to the runway to show off their looks. Janet was very close to winning, but one of the rules was that all the girls had to wear identical dresses, and she picked the wrong one. Since she screwed up, the lovely Sarah took the prize - the opportunity to star in an upcoming promo.

The aspiring Cover Girls headed out to the woods for their photo shoot, where they were all made up as various flowers and plants. For some reason, Jay decided to make grouchy Bianca a sunflower and sweetie Heather a weed. Bianca couldn't quite pull off being a happy flower, but Heather dug right in to her role. Janet (hydrangia) and Sarah (ivy) did extremely well, while Jenah (moss) wowed everyone for the second week in a row and was the photographer's favorite. Saleisha (tulip) and Victoria (cactus) struggled and Chantal (baby's breath) actually morphed into a baby when she got confused by Jay and the photographer giving her conflicting advice. Instead of just taking a few (baby's) breaths and asking for more clarity, she stomped her foot and cried later to the cameraman that she can do this herself. They all just need to shuuuut uuuuuup! Oh, I'm sure the little whiner can do this by herself. That's why we've all seen her on the covers of so many magazines, right?

At the judge's table, Janet and Jenah got rave reviews and Chantal made it through despite her shoot meltdown. Nigel complained that Sarah, the "plus-size" model, was losing weight. Once again, we learned that you can either be a fat model or a super-skinny one. All the in-between girls need not apply.

In the end, the Bottom 2 were Saleisha and Victoria, which everyone who saw the first five minutes of the show already knew. The judges felt that Saleisha had more potential and that Victoria's "prickly" personality would keep her from succeeding. Victoria got the boot and immediately took off her heels and breathed a sigh of relief. Turns out, her heart just wasn't in it. Whatever will she do now? There aren't many other career options for a Yale grad. So sad.

Next week, yet another ANTM tradition - one girl freaks out during a photo shoot that tests her fear of heights.

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Beth said...

I admire your ANTM diligence. Never seen the show, but I can't imagine it's as entertaining as your recaps.

Your questions will be answered this weekend.

cube said...

I'm with beth. I don't even watch the show, but still find your recap worth reading.

Bond said...

This show... I just do not that wrong????

pistols at dawn said...

I agree with the aforementioned comments. I used to watch the show in its earlier stages, but mostly because I lived with girls then, and watching it was a lot easier than pretending I cared about them or their thoughts.

Skylers Dad said...

It makes me wonder if there will ever be an end to the number of people who want their 15 minutes of fame on reality TV.

Dale said...

I'm here for you Beckeye, I'm watching and then waiting for your recaps. It's pretty formulaic teevee but who doesn't like a good or even a bad catfight or meltdown now or then. The bald black chick is now beeyootiful!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

haha I read that last line as "fear of thighs" which seemed entirely appropriate. I love my dyslexia sometimes.

Leonesse said...

I watch this show to have something to talk about with my teen step-daughter. Outright Bitchy is the only thing she knows at this age, so it gives us something to bond over.

Coaster Punchman said...

I wish this show were another AI, but, oh well....


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