Tuesday, November 27, 2007

If I Don't Stay Away, How Can I Have My Britney-Esque Comeback?

Sorry for my absence, folks. My eye has been a bit too pooped to pop lately. There was a lot of road trippin', then I fell into a tryptophan coma and woke feeling awful. I don't know what bug I caught, but it feels like a guy named Epstein Barr is filming a Mucinex commercial inside my body. That I'm even writing this tiny post is thanks to NyQuil liquicaps. That stuff is a God-send, but I'm surprised it hasn't been the subject of a very dramatic Dateline - NyQuil: Effective cold remedy for the sick...or cheap OTC roofies for sick frat boys?

Anyway, I'm hoping to be back in a blog writing and reading mood soon so I hope you'll bear with me.

I did see one thing that I wanted to mention quickly. It's about Britney, of course. Apparently, this happened at the beginning of the month but I hadn't heard about it until now. It seems that Brit parked her car in a handicapped spot while she was going for one of her tri-daily tanning sessions, which caused a big uproar (again, not big enough for me to hear) and many people labelled her lazy and insensitive. I'm actually on her side for once. I mean, if that girl isn't handicapped, I don't know who is. Let her park there. I'll bet when people with real physical handicaps start to feel a little down they think, "It could be worse...I could be Britney Spears."

I'm sure Brit doesn't consider herself handicapped though. I'm sure that's not why she parked there. I'm sure she just said, "Dag y'all, why'z thar need to be a handikept space in front of tha tannin' place? It's not like they can get thar chairs in tha beds."


Johnny Yen said...

She is handicapped. Morally handicapped.

There's a special place in hell reserved for people who park illegally in the handicapped spaces.

LoraLoo said...

Okay, well... Jerry freakin' Lewis was filmed parking in a handicap spot at a local athletic club a few years back - so this is nothing for Britney in my book.

I hope you feel better soon!!

David Amulet said...

If you're gonna make a Brit-style comeback, you need to do better than that. Where's your as-if-drugged bikini dance? The crotchless shot?

You've got a long way to hit bottom.

-- david

deadspot said...

She has a point, yo. It's not like handicapped people are ever going to be hot, even if they get a bitchin' tan, right?

Too far?

pistols at dawn said...

To be fair, the extra space makes it slightly harder for her to run over the feet of paparazzi.

cube said...

Get well soon. The blogosphere isn't the same without you.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Take the Britney cure - 10 gallons of moonshine, a little nose candy, and yer Hummer. You'll feel all fit and tanned in no time, honey.

Molie said...

I didn't hear about this incident either. Julia Roberts did the same thing recently, I guess being a celebrity = handicapped.

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

There you are! A great comeback and I agree that Britney is very handipcapped mentally - could it be the tanning is frying her brain cells along with her skin?

Les Becker said...

I (not WANTING to hear about The Brit, of course) heard about this probably about 20 minutes after she parked there. I'll bet she was still tanning when I got the news - sandwiched in between two "fotog foot-crushing" episodes. I'm getting sick of the Internet Reality Show... apparently Britney is on every channel now that Lindsay has decided to clean up and stick to an ice-cream diet.

Dale said...

You sound so hot (and possibly sweaty) right now! Maybe Britney can drive you to the doctor if you need it? Come back soon.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Welcome back and your Mucinex-bit had me laughing and swallowing a bit of throw-up at the same time.

deadspot said...

I think you should be allowed to run over people with your car as long as you do it slowly enough that they have time to get out of the way if they so choose.

Go ahead. Stand in front of the moving car. See how that works out for you.

I'm confident that Darwin can sort things out from there.

Turnbaby said...

You are sick, I am sick, Fabby is sick and Ian is sick--did the four of us do something over the holiday that i don't remember? ;-)

and LMOO at your "quote"

Hope you feel better soon sugar.

kellypea said...

I'm sad to say, I actually pity Britney. She's beyond repair. There's no way she could possibly notice a blue sign with the symbol of a wheelchair in it. She'd have to be more capable to actually have been practicing entitlement.

Leonesse said...

It's not like they can get thar chairs in tha beds."

Oh dear god that was funny and somehow seems like she would actually say it.

And, in her defense, I 'heard' that Julia didn't notice the spot was hdcpd until she was leaving and was pictured pointing it out as they drove away. Just sayin'.


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