Monday, December 10, 2007

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

K-Fed Influences a New Generation of Hillbillies - Inexplicably, Kevin Federline made the cover of Details' "50 Most Influential Men Under 45" issue. This is just one more event in a long list recently that has me convinced that God has created another world somewhere and has stopped paying attention to this one. It's the only explanation I can think of for why we're all still here.

Britney Preparing for a New Roll in the Winona Ryder Story? - During a stop at a gas station for much-needed smokes and gum, Britney snatched a lighter from the register display and left without paying for it. When one of her photog-stalkers pointed out her theft, Brit's smart-ass reply was, "I stole something. Oh, I'm bad!" Believe it or not, Britney's not the biggest idiot in this story. It's a toss-up between the store owner who didn't demand payment or the paparazzo who went back to the store and paid for the lighter himself. Apparently, this isn't even the first time she's taken a five-finger discount. So, good going, morons. Never calling her on her shit will really help rid her of that pesky sense of entitlement.

Led Zeppelin Returns to the Stage - Led Zeppelin rocked London's O2 Arena earlier tonight for the first time in nearly 20 years. Who knows if this will truly be a one-off gig or if it will turn into a full-fledged reunion tour. If it ends up the latter, as long as tickets aren't set at Rolling Stones prices, yours truly will do her best to see them. All reports so far have been positive, and I can't imagine that I would be let down by one of the greatest rock bands to ever live. Who cares how old they are if they can still rock? The industry is clogged with young artists who suck.

Case in Point: Fergie - So, I was watching this stupid show last week about music in movies...Movies Rock or something like that. It was one of those shows that gets thrown together and put on for no apparent reason other than that a bunch of second-tier celebrities are bored and looking for a party. I didn't watch much of it but I did happen to catch this travesty - Fergie paying "tribute" to the James Bond franchise with a cover of "Live and Let Die." Since Paul McCartney is something of a pacifist, I was praying the whole time that Axl Rose would show up in a botoxed rage, beat Fergie down and then do his little snake dance on top of her until she promised never to sing in public again. (Just click the link and watch for yourselves. If I had to suffer through it, so do you.)

16 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Never mind Axl Rose, I'll go in and beat her pushed-in face even further in myself! That was 6 seconds of my life I will never get back.

I would rather watch Britney steal lighters.

Coffee-Drinking Woman said...

You aren't at the led zepplin concert? But why not?

Doc said...

Forgive me, I'm more than a bit out of the loop, but that isn't the Duchess of York is it? Honestly, I think Ethel Merman could have done a better job of it with a sucking chest wound. No amount of dancers, lighting, and special effects could make up for this travesty. Even if McCartney had shown up wearing nothing but his bass would this have been any worse. Yuck on a grand scale!

Thank you for poisoning my mind with this crap. I won't sleep well for a week.

Doc

Moxie said...

Britney is long overdue for an ass-whuppin. I'm just sayin'.

"Fergalicious" was catchy, and her work with the Black Eyed Peas is good, but "Live and Let Die" was an incredibly poor song choice for Fergie. If she was going to cover any Bond theme, I think one of the Shirley Bassey ones would have given her something to chew on for a while.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Axl is botoxed up? I haven't seen a picture of him for years and I hope his face hasn't gone all Bruce Jenner.

Coffee-drinking Woman,

She posted this from London, she just didn't want the rest of us to feel bad.

Happy Villain said...

Does each generation conceive a pack of celebs who misbehave and disgust previous generations? Don't I remember the "Brat Pack" being scoffed by my parents who didn't think they were "real" actors, and they didn't think I listened to "real" music? Are we to a point where the K-Feds, Britneys and Fergies of the world define a new generation of brats that I can't identify at all with?

Am I that old already?

Is it still a comment if all I do is ask rhetorical questions?

anandamide said...

As far as the Britney story goes, there would actually be some strange justice in the world if she was sentenced to forever be followed around by paparazzi and in return they were obligated to pay for all her shit. The two of them deserve each other and this would make the symbiotic relationship complete.

The only injustice is that the rest of us have to hear about it.

Les Becker said...

See, I was born in the wrong generation - if I could go back in time and hang with the Brat Pack, I'd be there in a New York minute. I wanna be that coooool. I can already be that drunk, so I'm half-way there.

Biccy Brit, now? Gawd, I wanna shake the crap outta her. Grow up already.

anandamide said...

...and speaking of celebs I wish I never had to hear from again: anyone from the Black Eyed Peas. Yuck.

Malcolm: said...

I didn't find Fergie's performance as painful as most of the people who commented. However, I do agree with Moxie that she would have been better off tackling another movie song.

Bond said...

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG K-9 influential?

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG What did the pap-smear-azzi think that Brittney would give them a special photo session?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - Would love to see Zep again...was going through some old concert tickets and found one from MSG - what a show...

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Can we burn Fergie at the stake?

Slave to the dogs said...

None of the Peas have done anything worth listening to on their own. Especially Ms. Ferguson.

The Guv'ner said...

I agree with everyone else, screw Axl Rose, I'LL give Fergie the slapdown. I'll give her humps where she never had humps before, silly little meth freak.

As for Britney, does she actually have to go have a t-shirt printed up emblazoned with "I AM A TOTAL FRUITLOOP, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!" before someone in her family straps her down and totes her ass to a psychiatric hospital? Then when they don't have to worry about her any more they can hack her account and hire a hitman to dispose of that bag of semen she used to be married to.

These are all reasons I should be president.

deadspot said...

How badly do you think the back up dancers wished they were pointing real guns at her instead of their fingers?

Scott said...

I've never really liked Led Zeppelin. But the amazing reviews for the show and the fact they are legends will persuade me to go, if they play anywhere near me.

pistols at dawn said...

Hey, let's be nice to Fergie. Have you seen her skin? She's clearly 87 and tweaked for most of those years.

Glad to see you're feeling better again - I was wondering why KFed had dropped off my radar...

 

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