Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Sean Young is Up to Her Old Tricks - With all the recent shenanigans of Britney and Paris, people started to forget that Sean Young was crazy when crazy wasn't cool. Remember when she refused to accept that Tim Burton wasn't casting her as Catwoman in the second Batman movie, and she turned into - literally - a crazy cat lady? Remember when she went all "Fatal Attraction" on James Woods? JAMES WOODS, for God's sake! Well, upset that she's been overshadowed by rehab-hopping starlets, Sean decided to get her freak on at the Director's Guild of America awards by heckling the winners! See what happens when you take away the writers and, consequently, the awards shows that actually matter? (As much as awards shows can matter.) People get a little nuts. The funniest part is, Young was sitting up front. How the hell did she get a spot up front? Was she like the biggest star there? She probably did that show a big damn favor. None of the papers would've covered it otherwise!

Will The Real Kim Ledger Please Stand Up? - If Heath Ledger's death has you wondering, "Who would call Mary-Kate Olsen before 911?" I've got another question for you. Who would have the balls and complete lack of class to impersonate Heath's father and take advantage of his famous friends? Some nutbag pretended to be Kim Ledger, fooling a funeral home into booking him a ritzy suite at the Carlyle Hotel in New York. He managed to get on the phone with Tom Cruise, who gave him "emotional support" until Cruise learned it was a hoax, and even tried to trick my beloved John Travolta into buying him a plane ticket! How can some people be so shameless? And how do they go about getting Travolta's phone number? Really...can someone help me out here?

Maybe Bill Belichick Should Videotape Eli Manning's Beauty Regimen - While Bahstan retahds and New Yawkers were busy trash talking, the brilliant, sexist minds behind dating site, OkCupid.com, were asking ladies around the country who the hottest QBs in the NFL are. (You know,'cause girls couldn't possibly be watching football for the football.) In a startling turn of events, Patriots lead cyborg, media darling, all-American hunk and impregnator of supermodels, Tom Brady, only made the #7 spot! He even ranked below the Giants' Eli "Little Doofus" Manning. No word on where Peyton "Big Doofus" Manning or Big Ben Roethlisberger, ranked. Taking first place was back-up QB for the Ravens, Kyle Boller. Ok, I'm no fan of Tom Brady's, but give me a break. I can at least admit that he's one helluva good looking dude. This Boller guy looks like a date rapist! Sheesh. Of course, none of these guys can hold a candle to Mr. Concussion 1992, Steve Young.

The Grammys Must Go On - Groan. One silver lining in the cloud of striking writers has been the prospect of no televised Whammy Award ceremony this year. Unfortunately, the writers' guild has come to an agreement that will allow members to write segments of the program. Honestly, I don't even know why this crap-fest needs writers. Like Faith Hill and Kanye West couldn't come up with their own forced, uncomfortable banter while announcing nominees? Speech writers certainly aren't needed. Each of the winners will just thank their personal Lord and Savior - either Clive Davis or P. Diddy.

The Most Shocking News Story of All - Britney Spears's manager recently revealed that Brit has "mental issues." What?? Get out!! You mean she's not really British...or whatever nationality uses this accent?


Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Sean Young was hot back in the day. (Which was quite a while back.)

Slave to the dogs said...

I always hated Sean Young.

And my favorite QB hottie was always Dan Marino. Nowadays, I have to admit that Tom Brady does top my list, followed by Matt Leinart (lookswise only - the guy did tap Paris Hilton's skank). I don't get the Manning fascination either. I guess some gals will always love that farm boy look.

Alice said...

i'm a rabid giants fan, and even i think brady is better looking than eli. aside to eli: BUT I STILL LOVE YOU BETTER, I SWEAR.

pistols at dawn said...

Sean Young really managed to derail her career with that whole catwoman thing. It was an impressive train wreck for its day, but with no Perez Hilton around, she doesn't get the credit she deserves.

I can't believe the DGA even remembered she was alive. Maybe she's become the celebrity you book so that your event gets publicity from the ensuing articles, "Sean Young goes crazy at [your event]."

Bubs said...

Hooray for the return of Sean Young! It is so nice to see the industry's trailblazers getting their due.

Anonymous said...

I imagine Britney's Spanish accent last night on the news was fake also. She's a tricky one.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think Britney's accent is the one that the inhabitants of the nation of Oxycontin speak with.

gifted typist said...

If more of these awards ceremonies had nutters like Sean Young, more of us might be bothered to watch for the pure joy of non-scripted entertainment value. Down with the writers. Let the nutters rule.

Happy Villain said...

Sean Young is a reminder to me that my colleagues aren't that nuts after all. At least I'm not an actress. And she's not the kind of crazy that Whoreywood starlets of today are -- she's actually scary! The Kim Ledger hoax story is only slightly less infuriating to me than the protestors at Heath's funeral. Boy, you just can't be rich and die of an overdose in peace these days.

Coffee-Drinking Woman said...

"Following her well-publicized outburst at the Directors Guild of America Awards over the weekend, the No Way Out star checked into an alcohol-treatment program on Monday."

(and what was Brit's manager's first clue, do you think?)

deadspot said...

Ooooh! I have a new career goal. I want to be Sean Young's publicist of record. She'll do crazy shit, I'll say crazy shit about it. People will shake their heads and concur that we are, in fact, completely crazy.

I think I'll go have some business cards printed up.


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