Do you people ever just get down on your knees and thank the Lord for my blog? If you don't, you will in a minute.
American Idol madness got me thinking about another reality TV pop creation - Sam Harris. You know, that Ed McMahon lovin', tuxedo-with-tails jacket wearin', over the rainbow flyin' heartthrob for '80s teen girls with no gaydar?
Here is Sam's 1984 semi-hit, "Sugar Don't Bite." Keep on reading for some trivial facts, or rush to the bottom of the post for the lyrics so you can sing along. Trust me, you need these lyrics in your life.
Say what you will about this song (ex: "Good Lord, what the hell was that?," "Take it out of my brain!"), but at least it's not the copy-and-paste quasi-inspirational dreck that every AI winner is forced to release as their first single. It was even "brilliant" enough to catch the ear of Madonna, who was successfully sued by songwriters, Donna Weiss and Bruce Roberts, after "borrowing" the hook for "Papa Don't Preach."
Sam isn't exactly proud of his hit, saying, "'Sugar Don't Bite' is a song I would just as soon...I really don't even remember it. I couldn't even tell you the words to that song."
Well, I could. And I will! Britney! Take notes!
The floors are all made out of wood
The price is sure worth the admission
Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all
Bodies dance through the dark to submission
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand
But nobody here is leaving
Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you
All through the night
I bet you taste sweeter
Sugar Don't Bite
I just want to please you
Don't make me beg,
Don't make me tease you, no
Sugar Don't Bite
You know I'm a bleeder
Don't make this boy
Commit a misdemeanor, no
Sugar don't bite
Just sprinkle it on me
Do what you can,
Do what you can to me
The beat is a groan and you are
Pounded into my intentions
The heat of the dance, it hits hard, y'all
In a trance, we got no inhibitions
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand, no
But nobody here is leaving
Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you...
Trying to choose a favorite line is like trying to choose between food and shelter. I mean, "Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all" is like the most delicious cheese ever, but "You know I'm a bleeder?" Man. What was the thought process while writing this song?
Donna: "'I'm a bleeder'? That's kinda gross."
Bruce: "What? If Sugar bites him, he'll bleed. I don't see the problem."
Donna: "It's just, I don't know, blood isn't very sexy."
Bruce: "Yeah. But, look. It's the only word I could think of that rhymes with 'misdemeanor'.
Bruce wakes up one night, five years later, in a cold sweat.
Bruce: *shakes fist* "Sonofabitch. 'Weiner. WEINER'!!"
American Idol madness got me thinking about another reality TV pop creation - Sam Harris. You know, that Ed McMahon lovin', tuxedo-with-tails jacket wearin', over the rainbow flyin' heartthrob for '80s teen girls with no gaydar?
Here is Sam's 1984 semi-hit, "Sugar Don't Bite." Keep on reading for some trivial facts, or rush to the bottom of the post for the lyrics so you can sing along. Trust me, you need these lyrics in your life.
Say what you will about this song (ex: "Good Lord, what the hell was that?," "Take it out of my brain!"), but at least it's not the copy-and-paste quasi-inspirational dreck that every AI winner is forced to release as their first single. It was even "brilliant" enough to catch the ear of Madonna, who was successfully sued by songwriters, Donna Weiss and Bruce Roberts, after "borrowing" the hook for "Papa Don't Preach."
Sam isn't exactly proud of his hit, saying, "'Sugar Don't Bite' is a song I would just as soon...I really don't even remember it. I couldn't even tell you the words to that song."
Well, I could. And I will! Britney! Take notes!
The floors are all made out of wood
The price is sure worth the admission
Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all
Bodies dance through the dark to submission
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand
But nobody here is leaving
Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you
All through the night
I bet you taste sweeter
Sugar Don't Bite
I just want to please you
Don't make me beg,
Don't make me tease you, no
Sugar Don't Bite
You know I'm a bleeder
Don't make this boy
Commit a misdemeanor, no
Sugar don't bite
Just sprinkle it on me
Do what you can,
Do what you can to me
The beat is a groan and you are
Pounded into my intentions
The heat of the dance, it hits hard, y'all
In a trance, we got no inhibitions
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand, no
But nobody here is leaving
Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you...
Trying to choose a favorite line is like trying to choose between food and shelter. I mean, "Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all" is like the most delicious cheese ever, but "You know I'm a bleeder?" Man. What was the thought process while writing this song?
Donna: "'I'm a bleeder'? That's kinda gross."
Bruce: "What? If Sugar bites him, he'll bleed. I don't see the problem."
Donna: "It's just, I don't know, blood isn't very sexy."
Bruce: "Yeah. But, look. It's the only word I could think of that rhymes with 'misdemeanor'.
Bruce wakes up one night, five years later, in a cold sweat.
Bruce: *shakes fist* "Sonofabitch. 'Weiner. WEINER'!!"
Comments
Tonight's prayer will include "and please God, don't let her post anymore songs like that"
Amen
It's like you were eavesdropping on the songwriting session, though. How do you manage to be so many places at once?
Slave - Can't they both hurt equally?
Barbara - Thanks, miss. I know you're a Sam fan from way back. ;)
Spinning Girl - See, that's the correct response.
Suze - Thank you for the prayer, but the 2nd part may go unanswered. God is a huge fan of '80s cheese. If he wasn't, he would've quickly killed it like he did with disco.
Johnny - Ah, I have to see that. It's in my Netflix cue.
Gifted Typist - Cabbage Town, eh? I would go there every night just because of the name. So Cabbage Town is where all the ex-Solid Gold dancers go to have a bit of fun?
Thembi - You're probably right, but I'm sure we all remember the 500 times he sang it on Star Search. You'll notice he's wearing his ruby high-tops, which allows him to enter this night club over the rainbow.
Barbara - That's why Weird Al Yankovic is a successful songwriter and Bruce Roberts is working for Staples. How can I be everywhere at once? I also own a pair of ruby high-tops.
Pistols - Thank you. But...no sarcasm? Pistols, I just don't know who you are anymore.
Loraloo - Yeah, I was singing it all day yesterday too. I guess it just proves that, for all their similarities, one is just more forgettable than the other. Kind of like the original Star Search and the Arsenio Hall version. (If you're saying "What Arsenio Hall version, I've just proven my point.)
for the record -- for an old fart, i never heard of sam harris until i saw this, and i wish i had still never heard of him
Cheesy or no, his cover of Over The Rainbow still gives me chills.