Friday, January 18, 2008

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

Do you people ever just get down on your knees and thank the Lord for my blog? If you don't, you will in a minute.

American Idol madness got me thinking about another reality TV pop creation - Sam Harris. You know, that Ed McMahon lovin', tuxedo-with-tails jacket wearin', over the rainbow flyin' heartthrob for '80s teen girls with no gaydar?

Here is Sam's 1984 semi-hit, "Sugar Don't Bite." Keep on reading for some trivial facts, or rush to the bottom of the post for the lyrics so you can sing along. Trust me, you need these lyrics in your life.

Say what you will about this song (ex: "Good Lord, what the hell was that?," "Take it out of my brain!"), but at least it's not the copy-and-paste quasi-inspirational dreck that every AI winner is forced to release as their first single. It was even "brilliant" enough to catch the ear of Madonna, who was successfully sued by songwriters, Donna Weiss and Bruce Roberts, after "borrowing" the hook for "Papa Don't Preach."

Sam isn't exactly proud of his hit, saying, "'Sugar Don't Bite' is a song I would just as soon...I really don't even remember it. I couldn't even tell you the words to that song."

Well, I could. And I will! Britney! Take notes!

The floors are all made out of wood
The price is sure worth the admission
Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all
Bodies dance through the dark to submission
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand
But nobody here is leaving

Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you
All through the night
I bet you taste sweeter
Sugar Don't Bite
I just want to please you
Don't make me beg,
Don't make me tease you, no

Sugar Don't Bite
You know I'm a bleeder
Don't make this boy
Commit a misdemeanor, no
Sugar don't bite
Just sprinkle it on me
Do what you can,
Do what you can to me

The beat is a groan and you are
Pounded into my intentions
The heat of the dance, it hits hard, y'all
In a trance, we got no inhibitions
Fast feet and Saturday night
Leave you nowhere to stand, no
But nobody here is leaving

Sugar Don't Bite
Just take me home with you...

Trying to choose a favorite line is like trying to choose between food and shelter. I mean, "Dreams of the drifters die hard, y'all" is like the most delicious cheese ever, but "You know I'm a bleeder?" Man. What was the thought process while writing this song?

Donna: "'I'm a bleeder'? That's kinda gross."
Bruce: "What? If Sugar bites him, he'll bleed. I don't see the problem."
Donna: "It's just, I don't know, blood isn't very sexy."
Bruce: "Yeah. But, look. It's the only word I could think of that rhymes with 'misdemeanor'.

Bruce wakes up one night, five years later, in a cold sweat.
Bruce: *shakes fist* "Sonofabitch. 'Weiner. WEINER'!!"


Historical Wit said...

Yeah, that is old school there. good dig.

Slave to the dogs said...

I'm not sure what hurts more now, my ears or my eyes.

Barbara said...

you sure dig deep for some of these classics...good job :)

Spinning Girl said...

oh yeah baby!

Anonymous said...

My nightly prayer goes something like "God bless mom, dad, sisters, husband and the wonderfully, fabulous Beckeye".

Tonight's prayer will include "and please God, don't let her post anymore songs like that"


Johnny Yen said...

This is so funny-- my stepdaughter and I are watching "Music and Lyrics" right now; that vid reminds me of the "Pop" video they play at the beginning.

gifted typist said...

There was this place in my town called Cabbage Town and that is it. Brilliant.

Thembi said...

Most people don't know about Sam Harris's rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on the Motown 30 special. But that's cool.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

He really should have listened to the first rule of songwriting, when in doubt, go with weiner.

It's like you were eavesdropping on the songwriting session, though. How do you manage to be so many places at once?

pistols at dawn said...

Wow. This is some top-notch work on your part, both in description and in unearthing this. Very well done.

LoraLoo said...

Now all I can hear is "Papa Don't Preach", which IMHO, is just as bad as this song is.

BeckEye said...

Historical Wit - I suffer for my work.

Slave - Can't they both hurt equally?

Barbara - Thanks, miss. I know you're a Sam fan from way back. ;)

Spinning Girl - See, that's the correct response.

Suze - Thank you for the prayer, but the 2nd part may go unanswered. God is a huge fan of '80s cheese. If he wasn't, he would've quickly killed it like he did with disco.

Johnny - Ah, I have to see that. It's in my Netflix cue.

Gifted Typist - Cabbage Town, eh? I would go there every night just because of the name. So Cabbage Town is where all the ex-Solid Gold dancers go to have a bit of fun?

Thembi - You're probably right, but I'm sure we all remember the 500 times he sang it on Star Search. You'll notice he's wearing his ruby high-tops, which allows him to enter this night club over the rainbow.

Barbara - That's why Weird Al Yankovic is a successful songwriter and Bruce Roberts is working for Staples. How can I be everywhere at once? I also own a pair of ruby high-tops.

Pistols - Thank you. sarcasm? Pistols, I just don't know who you are anymore.

Loraloo - Yeah, I was singing it all day yesterday too. I guess it just proves that, for all their similarities, one is just more forgettable than the other. Kind of like the original Star Search and the Arsenio Hall version. (If you're saying "What Arsenio Hall version, I've just proven my point.)

Anonymous said...

I totally forgot about Sam Harris. What ever happened to him? I do remember him singing "Somewhere over the rainbow" Was that on StarSearch?

RAHM said...

this song is one of the reasons we should forget the 80's...

X. Dell said...

Sounds as though he was auditioning for a role as Michael Jackson.

Distributorcap said...

poor sam -- -so much talent in the pre-Idol, pre-YouTube days.

for the record -- for an old fart, i never heard of sam harris until i saw this, and i wish i had still never heard of him

Travis said...

Luckily there is a little place in the world called musical theatre, where a voice such as his can go to be truly appreciated and properly used.

Cheesy or no, his cover of Over The Rainbow still gives me chills.

Malcolm said...

Madonna committed out and out thievery... I never made the connection between this song and "Papa Don't Preach". I half expected to see Danny Aiello in this video.

Les Becker said...

Augh! I couldn't do it! I couldn't watch the whole thing. I can't believe I used to think "dance-bars" were THE place to be. I'm embarrassed to be an 80's girl for the first time (it's almost as bad as how I felt the first time I saw a Boy George video).

An80sNut said...

Take it or leave it... the song and video happened. Scary enough, I saw that debut LP at a yard sale and picked it up two years ago. Can't play it but don't think that I would.

Anonymous said...

He has come a LONG way! ... check out his new song on .. it rocks!

Cartone said...

How could Madonna be successfully sued for a melody that she didn't write? Brian Elliot wrote the music, the melody and most of the lyrics - Madonna was credited with "Additional Lyrics". If anyone was successfully sued for that four-note melody in the chorus (the ONLY similarity is contained in the lines "Sugar Don't Lie" and "Papa Don't Preach"), it was Brian Elliot, NOT Madonna. Still, it sounds much better to say that Madonna was personally responsible - who cares about Brian Elliot?

Anonymous said...

YOU idiot...#1when 2 people write a song they are BOTH responsible for anything having to do with copyright infringement on that song. So who cares which writer wrote words? they are BOTH thieves in the eyes of the law. And for anyone who reads this...Bruce Roberts is a multi millionaire now and Brian Elliot??? well I guess he is collecting social security in his 1 bedroom apt.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine