Wednesday, February 06, 2008

American Idol 7: Auditions, Out!

The end of AI's lengthy audition process was marked by tonight's episode, which featured a smattering of pop hopefuls from all of the visited cities. It was advertised as "the best of the rest," but I didn't think the show was any different from any of the other audition episodes. There weren't as many freakazoids as usual, but they still snuck a few in. The bulk of the show was an awful lot of, "Hi pretty girl with long hair, prominently displayed cleavage and average voice - here's your golden ticket." *groan*

One girl who gladly didn't make it through was Bimbo McSlutsky, the North Carolina girl who tagged along with her boyfriend and his twin brother (her other boyfriend). I guess you at least have to hand it to her for not dating her own brothers. She took her puppy into her audition, who was immediately loved by all of the judges, especially Simon. As for Bimbo, they thought she was a good singer....for them to poop on!

Charles Manson got paroled in time to audition. Unfortunately, he didn't make it through and ended up killing a few people in the waiting room. Well, they were in his circle, man! They were part of the system! American Idol is just the jailhouse, man, and Ryan Seacrest is an executioner. All those people waiting to audition, they're on death row. So Charlie sent them to play hopscotch in the demon world, man!

There really weren't too many other auditioners of note. The only one I was impressed by was Helium Honey. She came in and started singing very forcefully, sounding much like a screaming chipmunk. The weird part was that she sounded like she had good range and could actually stay in tune - something that Pauler and Randy also picked up on. They told her that she sounded a bit like Dolly Parton, a name that elicited a blank stare from Helium Honey. (Ah, youth.) Simon didn't agree, but gave her a challenge - she had to go learn a Dolly song and come back and sing it. The girl probably didn't have that much time, but she watched the video for "Islands in the Stream" on someone's computer a bunch of times and then went back and nailed it. She made it through to Hollywood and, after she left, Simon turned to P-Ab and The Dawg and said, "I hate to admit it, but you were right." This prompted Paula to boozily cackle, "Ehhh ha ha ha, he said, 'I hate to admit it, but you were right.'" Yeah, Drunky, we heard him. He just said it one second ago. When will the producers finally banish her to an island in a stream somewhere?

Auditions are finally over and next week we finally get to go to Hollywood, the land where everyone forgets their lyrics. Ryan promised that this year's Hollywood try-outs would be "intense." I immediately thought they were going to pull an Apprentice stunt and make all of the auditioners live outside in tents. Well, that one kid is already living in his car, so why not?


Gifted Typist said...

I think I'm watching AI just so I can come here for the debrief ... "ah youth" make me cackle P-Ab like.

CDP said...

I don't watch it til the end (last 8 or so), but I never miss your recaps! Paula's not half the woman you are, yet she gets to sit by Simon's side week after week...there's no justice, is there?

Dale said...

I wonder if they'd all be so anxious if instead of Hollywood it was 'congratulations, you made it through to Hoboken!'. Nothing against Hoboken really, just lame random thoughts.

I can't wait to watch that girl fall down the stairs all over again!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think Drunky is my new favourite nickname. I'm totally calling everybody at work Drunky from now on.


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