American Idol 7: Hey Mamas, Welcome to the Sixties

Last night, the Top 12 girls took the stage while I was languishing in Pittsburgh Airport. As I have no DVRing capabilities, I had to catch up on the performances today via YouTube. Now, here is my half-assed recap!



Horse enthusiast, Kristy Lee Cook, took hold of the reins to start the show. The only song she was able to do really well all through the auditions was "Amazing Grace," so when she started singing Aretha's "Rescue Me," I wasn't surprised to find that it wasn't, well, amazing. It wasn't horrible, but like Simon said, if you're going to pick a song like that, you have to really belt it. She did not. Then the violins started and Ryan told the sad, sad story about how half of the girls have the flu and/or bronchitis. These girls are so brave just to take the stage! THESE ARE THE BRAVEST TOP 12 GIRLS EVER!!

Plus-size model, Joanne Borgella sang Dionne Warwick's "I Say A Little Prayer," but Tyra and Nigel told her that she looked like she was very uncomfortable during the shoot. Oh hell. I have my shows mixed up again. Regardless of who told her that she looked uncomfortable, she did. In parts, she almost sounded like a guy singing falsetto. She didn't sound bad, but it wasn't the greatest thing I've ever heard. Simon was his usual moody self, which I loved. He's obviously trying to win me back, but I think I'm staying with the Aussie Hottie this year.

Alaina Whitaker put us in reruns already, by singing "More Today Than Yesterday," previously mangled by Chikezie on Tuesday's show. These kids have a whole decade to pick from, and they're already repeating each other? Not groovy, man, not groovy! At any rate, Alaina did a much better job than Chikezie did, even though I wasn't as wowed by her as the judges were. She sounded like she was trying too hard.

Rock 'n' roll nurse, Amanda Overmyer said before her performance that she would never sing a Janis Joplin song on the show to avoid comparisons, but she never promised that she wouldn't try to sound like Janis covering someone else. She growled her way through "Baby Please Don't Go," which the judges loved. I didn't get it. I mean, I love rock 'n' roll, but come on. Put another dime in the jukebox and put on something good. The judges all blathered on about how original she was, but she just came off as a third-rate Ann Wilson to me. I liked her in her first audition, but I'm starting to think that she could only be the winner at her local bar's karaoke competition.

Following that loud display was meek and mild trade show model, Amy Davis. Another model!?! Now you can see why I'm confusing my reality shows. Wow, she was not good. She sang "Where the Boys Are," and I'm guessing that she'll be where the bottom two boys are after tonight.

Another repeat, Brooke White picked "Happy Together," already done well on boys' night by Jason Cook. Brooke still looks a bit like a young Rebecca DeMornay, but she looked much blonder than I remember. I almost couldn't look directly at her hair for fear that it would burn my retinas. I like this girl and I think she has a good voice, but I don't know if this was the best choice for her. She didn't really do anything new with it. Paula assured me that I'm right in my assessment when she told Brooke that she was "such an original." She keeps using that word. I do not think it means what she thinks it means. Simon channeled Paula when he went on some tangent about "washing up liquid," which I assumed was body soap but discovered it's actually dishwashing soap. The Brits always make everything sound so much better, don't they?

With not nearly enough cowbell, Alexandrea Lushington rolled out "Spinning Wheel." When she first came out, I thought she was going to take a dump on the steps like that one chick on Flavor Flav's show. This started out pretty good, but got progressively worse. She lost me with the high notes, and her voice wasn't rockin' enough for the chorus. Yet, Randy's doors were blown off somehow and Paula used "dope" - the word and the substance. Simon agreed with me that it wasn't that good. As I said, he's trying to get me back.

The best Britney Spears impersonator I've ever seen, Kady Malloy, took the stage next to perform Phil Collins' "Groovy Kind of Love." Psych! That wasn't an original Phil Collins joint. What's sad is that I bet most of these kids aren't even old enough to remember the Phil version, let alone the Mindbenders original. The judges were pretty hard on her, and rightfully so. Paula had to use her stand-by "you're pretty" critique since there was nothing else to say. Simon cracked me up by telling Kady that she was a great impersonator, but that the only one who could impersonate her is a "pencil or something." Oh man, he is trying really hard. He knows I still love him, but I still can't break the spell of Aussie lust.

Benefiting from Amanda's ban on Janis tunes, Asia'h Epperson took on her "Piece of My Heart," and did a great job. She was able to mold that very familiar song to her own style. She reminded me a little bit of Alicia Keys - a cute, little girl with a sultry, soulful voice who seemed to really enjoy herself. She was Simon's favorite of the evening, so what the other two talking heads had to say wasn't really important. Not that it ever is.

Following that was Ramiele Malubay, who angers me because it usually takes me 5 times to spell her name correctly. I was hoping that she would suck just so that I wouldn't have to keep typing it week after week. Her rendition of Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" didn't suck, but it wasn't as good as I expected from her either. I found the backup singers more interesting throughout the whole song. All the judges loved it though.

Hoping to be less boring than last year's Phil Stacey, Syesha Mercado gave her take on The Nashville Teens' "Tobacco Road." Well, she definitely has about 150% more hair than Phil, but she was just about as boring. It must be that song. It's always been kind of a dumb song, so I don't know why these kids keep picking it. Syesha has a good voice, but she didn't show it that well last night. But she yelled at the end, so Randy liked it. Paula shouted a bunch of adjectives at no one in particular. Simon didn't really care that Syesha didn't give a great performance because he likes her. That's fine. I'm glad he's found someone new.

Another non-coincidence (just like Michael last night) - the "ringer," Carly Smithson went last. She performed "Shadow of Your Smile", and even though it's kind of a cheesy, drinking-rusty nails-on-some-rich-guy's-yacht kind of song, she still blew it out the box, yo. Randy and Paula loved her to pieces, but Simon wasn't really impressed. He thought that she didn't really live up to all the "hype" and "buzz" about her. Then Paula gave her microphone a handjob and Carly looked like she might vomit. We've all been there, honey.

So, what two girls will be hitting the road tonight? As I mentioned before, I'm sure that Amy will be booted. As for the other gal, based on last night's performances it should probably be Kady Malloy. But because she's so likable and does a dead-on Spears imitation, it will be Joanne. She was just kind of forgettable.