Sunday, February 03, 2008

A Giant Victory

Giants Win! Giants Win!

Tom Brady, you just lost the Super Bowl. What are you gonna do now?

"I'm going to have sex with my supermodel girlfriend on a big bed of money!

Yeah, kids. Don't feel too bad for Tom Brady.

I'm so happy that the Giants won. I have never been this excited about a Super Bowl that didn't involve the Steelers. It really has nothing to do with living in New York. I just really hate the Patriots. Also, I was looking forward to a terse, graceless post-game interview with Bill Belichick. He didn't disappoint.

My favorite post-game moment came from Giants' cornerback, Sam Madison. While being interviewed by some field reporter on Fox 5, he was standing there with an early edition of the Bergen Record with a huge headline that read, "Giants Win!" The reporter very cheekily asked him, "What's that paper say?" and Madison answered, "Hey man, I don't know what it says but I know one thing - Giants win!!" Oh, footballers. So deserving of the finest educations that muscle can buy.

Now, for those of you (heathens) who don't care for football, on to the Super Bowl commercials.

The Good
E*Trade - These were the only commercials that actually made me laugh out loud. At first I thought the talking baby was a bit creepy, but he won me over quickly. I loved the one where he was talking about hiring his own personal clown and said, " I really underestimated the creepiness."

Budweiser - Dalmatian acts as the Mickey to the Clydesdale's Rocky. They high-five at the end. Awwwww!

Bud Light - Will Ferrell shows off his new character, Jackie Moon. Let's face it, Will Ferrell could just sit there clipping his toenails and I'd laugh my ass off.

The Average
Life Water - It made absolutely no sense, but who doesn't love to watch lizards do the "Thriller" dance with Naomi Campbell? This commercial will probably work wonders for the bad-girl model's image. Maybe Tom Brady will even dump Gisele for Naomi. Then she'll catch him cheating on her with Adriana Lima and beat the hell out of him.

Bridgestone - Guy almost runs over a squirrel who screams, setting off a bunch of other screaming animals. It was kind of stupid, but any commercial with cute animals gets at least an average grade.

Planters - Ugly chick gets tons of attention from men because of her "cashew perfume." I don't really know why I thought this one was kind of funny.

FedEx - Carrier pigeons gone wild. Mildly amusing.

Diet Pepsi Max - A spoof of the Roxbury Brothers skit from SNL. I think I only liked this one because L.L. Cool J was in it.

American Idol - Big Ben (the Steelers QB for you heathens) sings "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" badly. I love that song, I love the Steelers and I'm addicted to American Idol. I can't possibly hate this commercial. But it was kind of cheesy.

The Bad
Bud Light - Most of their commercials stunk, especially the one about Bud Light giving you the ability to breathe fire.

Audi - Stupid Godfather spoof. I've never seen any of those movies all the way through and I hope to never see this commercial in its entirety again.

Pepsi - Justin Timberlake gets "sucked" across town. As opposed to his tours when he sucks cross-country. Hey, a bad commercial deserves a bad joke.

The Ultra-Annoying
The 5 million promos for The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Can't Aahnold just kill her already??

Then there's House, another ridiculously overhyped show. Tonight, House faces the toughest case of his career! AGAIN?? This one really does beat all. House has to save the life of Mira Sorvino, who's trapped at the South Pole. He scrubs in via satellite and talks some random guy through a tricky procedure - drilling a hole through Mira's skull. Sounds preferable to sitting through that show.

Now, if you've read this far, keep scrolling and enter this month's Caption Contest!


Scott said...

I couldn't agree more. I despise the Patriots. I didn't even watch the game because I couldn't have stomached seeing them win. So I missed the commercials.

Yay Giants!

Dale said...

TONIGHT! House tries to save Mira Sorvino from the crushing weight that is her Oscar.

I've never seen the show but it's fun making fun of it.

Coaster Punchman said...

Ha! Your commercial reviews were better than the commercials themselves. I agree about the eTrade especially.

CDP said...

I have to admit, I actually got really excited watching the last 10 minutes of this game, and I'm SO glad the Giants won.

I've only seen "House" once, and only for a few minutes, and you are so dead right...I could not get what all the fuss was about. Hugh Laurie's American accent sucks.

Alice said...

i think i lost 5 lbs last night, in addition to 45 years off my life. holy shit i can't stop grinning. i literally jumped up and down across dc the whole way home from my party. DAAANG that was a good game. FOR MY GIANTS! YAAAAAY!!!!!!!

pistols at dawn said...

I was really disappointed when the people I watched the game with thought all the ads were funny. I laughed maybe twice, and vowed to watch the game alone next year.

The Guv'ner said...

Interesting fact for you (well maybe not INTERESTING per se..but true!) My group here in NYC made the E*trade commercials!:) Yes, really.

SkylersDad said...

The commercial I got sick of was the Ford truck spinning around and around...

Really, 5 or 6 times at least, who cares!

Gifted Typist said...

Only caught the half-time show and Tom Petty was pretty underwhelming

Turnbaby said...

I'm quite glad that Jared Lorenzen has a Super Bowl ring.

I liked the 'screaming' one and the Roxbury and Rocky ones.

Bond said...

I actually liked the Bridgestone commercial...made me laugh...and absolutely LOVED the Pepsi JT I truly dispise his ass...and would have wished the girls sucked the soda a few more times as he was straddling the mailbox....MAKE HIM HURT MORE!

And HOUSE...same show every week...
"Doctor, she/he is dying you must save them"
"but doctor that is why you must save them"
"doctor you are so great and powerful, but such an arrogant ass"
The End

Can we put him in one of those Pepsi commercials also?

Suze said...

I liked the caveman who invented the wheel - other than that the commercials were "eh". I was excited that the Giants won.

Next year - Eagles Vs. Steelers in the Superbowl. If that happens - we're totally going Beckye.

minijonb said...

The Will Farrell and Budwiser horses commericials were great. As a VW/Audi-head, I'm sad that they did such a lousy ad... but I'm happy the Giants won, so it all evens out.

RAHM said...


I didn't see the commercials, because I saw the Latin American broadcast, but if you are going to pay 2.7 millons for 30 seconds, the commercials have to be funny and clever..

Bluez said...

Kinda caught me off guard when that baby puked that up milk, I did laugh however.

I come from family of Giant fans, probably one of the better superbowls I've watched. I have a ton of friends from Boston, funny how none of my Mass bitches called me when the game was ovah. I think Brady fixed the game.


cube said...

Love your take on the game. I'm so psyched that the cheating Pats lost. Serves them right!

I don't understand your less than stellar review of the Life Water lizards dancing to Thriller. I would crawl over broken glass to see something like that.

genn6 said...

I hate the Patriots too, I think it's mostly just being tired of seeing them win everything. That pass David Tyree caught on his head (I put that clip on my blog too!) was one of the best plays we'll probably ever see. What a Cinderella story! I


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine